Every stripper is an extras girl

Chase Kelly —  October 23, 2012 — 6 Comments

Soon after becoming a stripper, you will realize that we spend a lot of time judging each other, personal boundaries become a standard by which a girl’s character is determined.  Self esteem issues and shame are abound in the club, and often girls use the “I’m better than you because at least I’m not a ho,” logic to bolster their own egos.  How many people have looked down on you unfairly because of your job?  More than a few, I bet, but that ivy league girl you went to high school with who has no daddy issues and a rich family is no better than you because she has never taken her clothes off for money.  You are no better than a girl who allows people to touch her or escorts on the side based on her boundaries.  Different things work for different people.  If you have ever met a “pro-ho” you know what I’m talking about.  These are the girls who are very professional, handle their business, are comfortable with what they’re doing, they don’t hurt the business of the club (if they work in one), and they are discreet in their business should they choose to conduct it somewhere that discretion is necessary.  They know what their boundaries are and respect them, they don’t need to take a xanax or a shot to do their business, and it’s because they are totally OK with it–the same way good strippers are totally OK with taking off their tops and/or panties.  Many girls have paid their way through school, travelled the world, or retired early on escort money, and really, if you do the same with your stripper money, how are you guys any different?  You CAN determine a person’s value based on their actions, but not based on their boundaries.

The ONLY time it is OK to judge someone based on their boundaries is if you can tell they are in over their head, and it should be less of a judgement and more of an observation.  It isn’t uncommon to see girls who are addicts, or playing a supporting role in a codependent relationship, or working under a pimp in this industry, but those girls are different.  Those girls need help, not judgement, and you are compounding their problems by shit talking them.  If you have something to say, let it be encouraging words of kindness, don’t sit in the back and laugh at these poor babies.  They are going through it, probably worse than you can imagine.  Your kindness might be the difference between life and death for someone.  Realize the impact of your words.

The truth is, in one way or another we are all extras girls.  If you aren’t charging extra money for things like fetishes, role playing, dirty talk, an hour of “chillin”,  or whatever else your market wants, you are missing out.  I am not suggesting that you should give extra mileage to customers.  I don’t think it’s necessarily the best idea to turn tricks within the club, in fact it can be a really terrible idea since strip clubs are hot spots for vice raids, and I am not saying you should turn tricks in general, but what I am saying is that there is more money in the club than just lap dance money, it’s up to you hustle it, and stop being negative towards others.  It’s not helping you or the club AT ALL.  If you are one of the girls who sit in the dressing room complaining that there is “no money because so-and-so is a ho,” you are losing money because you’re being lazy, you have a negative attitude, and you don’t have the right focus, not because so-and-so sells extras.  If the club you are in is an extras club and you don’t sell them, quit.  You will eventually get taken down in a raid for someone else’s indiscretion.  If you work at a club with a few extras girls, consider yourself a regular old stripper.  Every club has at least one, and if it doesn’t affect my money, it shouldn’t affect yours!

Stop the hate, show support, believe in UNITY.  We can help each other, and that is a beautiful gift.

xx

Chase

Chase Kelly

Posts

Founder of SurvivetheClub.com. I have been dancing for 9 years and have been working in clubs and the adult industry in general for 14. Survive the Club is my passion project and I have faith in our community. Looking to increase the odds of EVERY sex workers' personal and financial success.

6 responses to Every stripper is an extras girl

  1. 

    I think it’s becoming more and more ironic to judge – or more accurately, get angry with – “extras” girls. Because they are becoming the majority of dancers in the business, like it or not. The stripper market is changing. It is on the cusp of becoming a tacit, legalized form of prostitution. To deny this is to deny reality.

    I used to despise the extras girls. Indeed, they are filthy, desperate, pitiful creatures, but they are the rising majority of dancers. Dancers? In fact most do not “dance” on stage – they dry hump the floor, finger themselves, etc. Not really dancing! Still, more and more girls are resorting to turning tricks.

    It is understandable to be angry at that trend, as a clean dancer. I read an article on the extras-happy website “The Unofficial Strip Club List,” in which an extras-seeking customer chastised an angry dancer, saying she should have “researched the market” before dancing if she didn’t want to give extras. But not all of us newbies were aware that such research could be done! You have to know where to go to get honest information. As a newbie dancer, I didn’t have a clue, and neither do the other newbies.

    But that customer had a point. When I finally realized this for myself – that dancing was really just window dressing for prostitution – I had to ask myself some hard, honest questions. Do I want to continue? Can I give out extras?

    I made the decision to quit recently and am working hard on making that a reality. I accept the changing market – and all extras girls – and am leaving their world to them. Because quite frankly, I want no part of it anymore.

    Have fun sucking, fucking and tugging, extras girls!

    • 

      I actually disagree with this comment on some levels. I do not think that extras girls make up the majority in the United States. Yes, there are pockets, but I avoid them and it’s not a problem for me. I’ve danced all over the US and what is true for Houston or Guam isn’t what’s true for Utah. It’s expected for there to be one or two extras girls at every club, sure, but it really doesn’t affect me or my money. I choose to work in clubs and live in cities that are safe and generally not pimp soaked. Even the girls that ARE around though, hating them, or even passive-aggressively numbing out to them isn’t serving me and it isn’t improving anything. I see all these girls as my sisters; in fact, i think it’s important to support all women in what they choose to do with their brains or their bodies to generate income. It is a beautiful thing to have the freedom to do, and it should be celebrated. Porn stars, cam girls, Dommes, escorts, call girls, and hookers alike. If they are doing it to make their lives the way they want them to be, I say “get it girl.”

      I commend your decision to walk away from the industry if it isn’t serving you, I think there comes a time for all of us to distance ourselves, whether it’s for one reason or another. It is within your power if the prostitution in your area is out of control and you really don’t think it’s a good life path, to volunteer or provide outreach for girls who are roped into prostitution at a really young age. Many girls DO want out and they need support from girls who know the industry and have left themselves. Your knowledge can be used to create a positive change in the world, can create purpose in your life and theirs. I think that it’s important to use what we learn in this industry to enlighten us and help us grow. It’s a really WEIRD subculture, but it exists–it’s our choice if we want to let it infect us or motivate us to make change.

      Thanks for commenting 🙂

  2. 

    You might want to write an article listing the cities/clubs where prostitution is actively discouraged and where most girls don’t perform sex acts on customers to earn money. I have only danced in 3 cities, but my experiences have shown – plus customers’ comments online, they really have no motivation to lie – that stripping is indeed turning to prostitution. You may disagree on the speed at which this is going due to, perhaps, being in a better locale, but this does not negate what is happening in a lot of major cities. It’s escalation.

    The only combative measure that current and former dancers can provide is to try to educate new dancers. Teach them how to hustle and provide the “fantasy experience.” Teach them how to avoid customers seeking a prostitute.

    It is natural for people to despise their competition, especially if the competition is cheating, which is essentially what “extras girls” are doing. Most human beings cannot swallow the “we are all one” approach. It is far too idealistic for reality.

    Furthermore, I can tell by your approach to sex industry workers that you are childless, or at least do not have any daughters. As the mother of a little girl, I dread the thought of her entering the sex industry. These are choices I do not support. What should be supported are places that sex workers can go to for help when they need it. It is established fact that many sex workers are depressed, have a past history of sexual/physical abuse and are addicted to drugs and alcohol. It is higher than with other lines of work. This is because it is not a healthy profession. We all make mistakes, but the support should not involve the right to make mistakes – it should involve helping people move on from them.

    • 

      I do not have any children, that is true, however I do interview dancers quite often and you would be surprised at the number of mom’s that say they would support their daughters’ should they choose to enter the industry. You would also be surprised at the number of girls who do not seem to have a history of abuse. Many girls DO think this is a healthy profession, and they are entitled to that. If it does not feel healthy for you, you should absolutely not do it, but if an escort feels comfortable with her job, I am not here to shame her, I am here to say that she deserves to be treated like a human. I am not saying that I agree with everything that people choose to do, but I am not the great omnipotent judge of the universe, nor am I all knowing being, so I am in no position to make assumptions on who is healthy, who should be doing what, and where they should be doing it. I do what is healthy for me, and I am here for anyone in the industry who needs someone to talk to. That’s about it.

  3. 

    Is there a respectful, discreet way for a man to ask if a dancer does “extras” or not.

    • 

      Ed, it’s a tricky thing. I guess the best way to ask is with money? You’re likely to offend a lot of people, because strippers have a made up hierarchy, and some women get really angry when they feel like someone would assume they’d sell extras. My advice would be to say, with a bill that is not a 20 dollar bill as a tip up front, “Hey, I don’t mean to offend you if you aren’t comfortable with a little extra intimacy, but if you are, I’d like a private room with you. If not, I think you’re very beautiful and I’d still like a dance.” Getting extras at a strip club is much more expensive than hiring an escort, and so I would always suggest going that route first.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s