Stripper Love//The Manipulative Man

Chase Kelly —  March 26, 2014 — 8 Comments

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Sex workers and strippers face so many of the same issues when it comes to relationships.  Can a stripper have a boyfriend and not be miserable?  Yes.  Are those relationships few and far between?  Absolutely.  Even as dancing becomes more accepted, the stigma remains the same for the majority of men.

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If you’re under 24, you’re labeled as a person with no self esteem and daddy issues.  If you are over 25 or have children, you are a “single mom with no other choice.” We know men are going to judge us and when they are angry, we know the easiest target is our jobs.  That’s something that’s hurt me, but it’s something I can live with.  It really helps me detach from someone actually–when they are so low to call me names because of my job.  Goodbye, sir.  You are done.

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What I can’t live with is the manipulation.  What many dancers don’t realize when getting into relationships is that there is a large number of men looking for “sugar mamas” or even subsidiaries (there are stripper pimps, you know about them if you live in the South or North East) and sex workers are known for having expendable income and a lack of love in their lives.  There are wolves looking for lambs who need to be loved, and which one of us can definitively say that we don’t need it?  It’s really hard for a boyfriend to be comfortable with a job like ours, so if early on your guy seems way too comfortable or encouraging, don’t be ashamed of doing a little homework.


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A parasitic boyfriend won’t complain about your job ever, because he plans on paying his bills with your ass.  Please watch your money.  Please don’t give it to anyone, please only invest in yourself.  Please never trust someone who expects you to purchase their affection (unless, of course, you have hired them to do that, like so many men have hired us to do.)  Please know your worth (priceless) and require that your needs are met (or walk!)

chasekellysig

 

Chase Kelly

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Founder of SurvivetheClub.com. I have been dancing for 9 years and have been working in clubs and the adult industry in general for 14. Survive the Club is my passion project and I have faith in our community. Looking to increase the odds of EVERY sex workers' personal and financial success.

8 responses to Stripper Love//The Manipulative Man

  1. 

    Very interesting article! Thanks for sharing this Chase Kelly.
    – Nikki
    http://www.frenchiesgirls.com

  2. 

    Hi! I just wanted to thank you for this blog. I hope this doesn’t sound weird or offensive, but I’m currently working on a (fiction, novella) story with a heroine who does exotic dancing and loves it. Your outlook and the things you write about here are exactly the kind of perspective and model I was looking for when researching: realistic, frank, down-to-earth, but positive. In short – pretty kickass. 🙂

    • 

      My worst nightmare. If you aren’t a dancer and have no experience in the industry, please don’t use mine as your research. I didn’t do it for novella. It’s super offensive.

      • 

        Oh, wow. I am really sorry I’ve caused offense. By no means was I implying that I was writing a novella about you, or that your work was for my benefit. When we post things in public blogs, I guess they’re open to whomever reads them, and that freedom can get misconstrued, and for that I apologize. Authors write about people in all walks of life. Most of those lives we have no personal experience being ourselves. The best solution to that ignorance is to research and learn about people in those positions.

        All that said, regardless of our disagreement, you can rest easy – the story I was writing that had one scene involving an exotic dance club has been back-burnered indefinitely in favor of some more interesting story ideas. If you want to keep following my blog, feel free, but it’s probably not that interesting.

  3. 

    What are your opinions about a partner who is the complete opposite. Acts ok with your job and then forces you to quit VERY far into the relationship so that basically you have no choice to work and make your own money because if you left them, you would lose everything. Basically what I’m saying is that what if they acted like your job was fine, met you while you were a dancer and then waited until not only you but your child was emotionally invested, now what?

    • 

      My opinion on any partner that “forces” you to do anything is abusive and selfish. Get out now before it gets worse. Red flags sometimes take a very long time to pop up, but in my experience (and I’ve seen a LOT of unhealthy and abusive relationships in my life thanks to my mother) if you aren’t free to make your own decisions for you and your baby, your baby is better off with a single mom. You cannot be a good mom if you are not being good to yourself. Do not allow a man to determine what you are allowed to and not allowed to do. Please make your own decisions in life, always.

  4. 

    Hello Chase Kelly,I’m Mia philly
    (SIGH) ok so I’m a dancer…for a few years now…
    I met my boyfriend out the club(1st relation out of a stripclub)I was in a private afterhour he’d been staring for about a half hour before coming over to start throwing a few hundred bucks on me.after taking his money I did give him convo which led to breakfast & invitation to my home(no sex)…that was the start of our dating couple bump in.couple months later we dated & had our first sexual encounter,everyday from that day until today not a day apart.i continue to dance a few local small spots no issue.–now he is amazing very much a provider & understanding with the same hustle & multitasking mentality–all is well perfect I’m all about him he drops me off & picks me up from the club no matter what time of day.now recently started at a large upscale gentlemens club he can tell I’m loving it I can tell he’s starting to gain a certain air about it.I post a pic of me small caption hastag not tagging the club or promoting it more so myself,not baring much still pretty appropriate pix–he’s been on edge ever since..he sees girls on the social site often promoting the club he seems disgusted with Instagram as a marketing tool..I tried my best to be myself post regular pix he knows I’m sorta racy but hey!….Other than that I was used to working early shifts being that the club has night clientele I’m there later so weekends when we usually hit afterhours I’m worn out,well I guess last nite he had it!..after dancing 10hrs Thursday-Monday to club music & dealing with amped up men I just want to come home & be under him in comfort….am I making sense in the story? Are insecurities kicking in?…few tips on showing him I’m all about him?

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