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By Dre Dee

The answer of course is that they are both important!  You can be flexible without being strong and you can be strong without being flexible, however, both of these scenarios will set you up to get injured.  It is important to find a balance of being flexible AND strong, especially in pole dance, which is one of the reasons I find it so challenging sometimes.

Honestly I feel a little weird writing this blog because as you can see in my pictures – I am not very flexible (yet)!  It’s something I have always struggled with – even when I did dance when I was young I was never able to do the splits.  As soon as I turned 18 I started doing strength training and cardio in gyms and have always been very strong.  The stretching I did was pretty minimal – obesity runs in both sides of my family so my priority was always to get my weight training and cardio in to maintain a healthy weight.  When I started doing yoga and then pole, I started realizing just how limited my flexibility is.  Unfortunately I have a full time job so it’s still hard to find time to add flexibility training in when I am already spending so much time doing interval training, yoga, and pole, but I am working on developing some flexibility programs and workouts (check out my Yoga Shoulder Stretching Sequence) and scheduling them into my weekly workout routine more.

A lot of my knowledge about flexibility and strength training actually comes from my training as a therapist and years of working with many different types of patients.  One of the areas I specialize in is strokes and brain injuries.  When a person has a stroke or brain injury, muscle tone is often affected – the person may have decreased muscle tone, which makes the arm and/or leg limp and flaccid, or he or she may have increased tone, making it difficult or impossible for the muscles to relax.  One of my many goals with this type of patient is to strengthen the arm if the muscle tone is weak or stretch the joint to increase range of motion if there is increased muscle tone.  In Cleo the Hurricane‘s Rockin’ Legs N Abs (which is a GREAT hip flexibility program – I mean have you seen that woman’s splits??), she talks about PNF stretches.  I was so excited when I heard her use this term because that’s a technique I’ve been using with my neurological patients for years.  For some reason it never occurred to me to use it on myself.

There are many additional techniques to use as well.  The more I learn and the different exercises I see, the more I realize that flexibility is just as much about strength as it is about stretching.  One key technique is to strengthen the opposing muscles to whatever area you are tight in.  For example, if your inner thighs are super tight in center splits, you want to strengthen the outer hip muscles as much as possible.  Fast, active range of motion or resistance exercises are most effective (for example, to increase range of motion in front splits , when all fours put an ankle weight on one ankle and squeeze that heel towards ceiling to strengthen your glutes.  This will help to increase flexibility in the hip flexor).

Here are some key points to remember when working flexibility.

1) Do not compare yourself to others.  Flexibility depends on sooo many factors – your age, your natural flexibility level, muscle tone, what types of exercises you have done in your lifetime, and many other things.  That being said, almost anyone can dramatically increase his or her flexibility level with proper training.  The down side – usually the more strong and tight your joints are, the longer it will take and the more work you will need to do.

2) Stay consistent.  Your muscle memory retains information from previous sessions and when you have too long in between sessions of working on that particular area, you can lose the hard earned progress that you have made.  You should stretch whatever area you are working at least once or twice a week to see progress.

3) Warm up!  It’s very important to be thoroughly warmed up in your joints before you try to stretch – especially if you tend to be pretty tight.  Properly warming up maximizes the benefits of stretches and prevents injuries.  You can check out my videos for warmup and stretching sequences for various body parts.

4) Flexibility takes time.  Be patient with yourself. Don’t force it.  Trying to force flexibility is a quick way to get injured which can set you back months or years in your progress.  Not worth it!

5) Breathe.  Using your breath is the best way to achieve maximum benefits from static stretches.  Try to relax your muscles during the exhales.  Take a deep breath and hang in there – it’s worth it in the end!

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I feel like this statement needs to be shouted from the rooftops of every building in every city in every country, and in every language, but especially it needs to be said to strippers and sex workers.  You are not a whore no matter what anyone says about it.  Your job DOES NOT determine your character, and it does not eclipse your values.  Many of you have had arguments with close friends and significant others in which the person/people you love most will tell you that you’re worthless.  “You’re a whore and no one will ever want you.”  is something I wish I could say I’ve only heard once, and only heard from one person I loved.  Talk about something that could cause a person to start to die inside.  But no matter what they say, don’t self stigmatize, do not believe it.  I wish one blog post could undo that feeling for those of you who have had it (and will in the future).  I wish it could undo it for me.

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This is the second best thing.  I can teach you what I’ve learned and I can show you how I’ve grown.  When people cut you down, when society does it to you over and over, when dead hooker jokes are on primetime television as though that girl is not a person, it’s easy to start considering it, even in the back of your mind.  When people say things like that it is because they feel weak and they need to kick you down.  Then they use your broken spirit as a step ladder to their own validation.  Do not give anyone that power.  Refuse to lower yourself to the “you” they want you to be.  Elevate.

The truth is that who you are is based on your character, which can suffer from being in this industry, but it’s mostly because of the associated lifestyle, not from the job itself.  I can sit here for hours and go on and on about how it’s the oldest job and that there’s nothing wrong with using your body for money, but you already know that.  If people you love are cutting you down, you don’t have stripper problems.  You have boyfriend problems, girlfriend problems, family problems, and maybe even identity problems, but being a stripper, escort, sugar baby, cam girl, dominatrix, or any other type of industry performer is not the problem, and it’s definitely not who you are.

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Your job doesn’t need to demean you, and if you feel like stripping makes you less of a person–you should quit.  Now.  Even if you don’t know what you’re going to do or how you’re going to do it; trust me-you’ll figure it out.  Work one more shift, make it a money night, and call it a day because really, you deserve so much more.  Maybe you can be a waitress or maybe a customer you know can help you find a 9-5, maybe you can live off of your savings until you figure something out (because you saved, right?)
If you are a stripper and you’re having a hard time with your identity, you can figure it out.  You can determine what is going to define you.  Instead of going shopping for your 100th pair of cheeky panties, you can make a plan to implement some community service or charity into your life.  Instead of sleeping in bed all day and ordering delivery every night for dinner, learn to cook, or at least get great at dining out.  Developing your other “non-stripping” skills and values is going to be essential to feeling like you are a real human being with a real purpose in life.

Untitled 6At some point I stopped being a stripper and became an entertainer (when I learned to dress myself and perform on stage and give a great lap dance).  Next, I graduated from being an entertainer and became a hustler (when I learned about sales, especially in the commodity industries), and now I have a day job in a luxury industry, because instead of seeing me as a useless stripper, smart people saw that I was a well developed individual with integrity, honesty, work ethic, intelligence, knowledge, and hustle.

If you let it, money will replace passion and drive in your life, so don’t coast.  Spend your time defining yourself, and it will be much easier to identify the TRUE problems in your life (like the people who drag you down and diminish your self worth) and get rid of them, or better yet use them as a ladder and climb.

happy hustling, you beautiful humans

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It’s 2014, and I am holding you to your resolutions for the year by going the extra mile. Going public with your goals on facebook, twitter, etc. DOES help you fulfill them, but in this social media world where they are *poof* gone in 30 seconds, you have to wonder if it’s really enough. So here’s to the declaration of goals! I’ve reposted you here, for all of your peers to lurk. Thanks for being my twitter friends in 2012 and 2013. I am excited to be a part of your next chapter!

And for those of you who are already gettin’ it!

Hey, Tami- me too. My new years resolution this year is to only dance the weekends. My new job starts tomorrow! Are you worried about a pay cut? How are you supplementing?

and everyone knows how much I love sassy, defiant women. You are beautiful exactly as you are.

And thank you, LoveDove. I spent my Christmas this year finding out that I had been cheated on repeatedly by girls who were well aware of my existence. We certainly can’t rely on men to keep solidarity between women, but we can pledge it to each other. Thank you for not fucking my boyfriends in 2014. I love you all! Happy new year!

For those of you who are learning to strip this year, or want to pull yourself out of your slump, I do private one on one consultations for the price of two lapdances.

Follow SurvivetheClub on Twitter for more stripper action.

I’m a nosy person, so I keep an eye on what y’all google that lands you here at SurviveTheClub.com.  Mostly it’s “How to be a stripper” “Become a stripper” “How to strip” “Learn To strip” “Stripper Tips”, etc, etc. but today I saw a really interesting search that landed a girl here, and maybe it’s something we need to talk about.  This girl googled “can stripping ruin my career?”

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While what you do in your personal time SHOULD be your business, and you shouldn’t be judged for it, the reality is that if you want to keep your life a secret, find one of those jobs filling out online surveys online and NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE.  If you want to get into the adult industry in any way, I have to tell you that people WILL find out, and they WILL have opinions.  Whether it’s your coworkers or your family members, the risk is high that people will at some point condemn you either publicly or privately for being a stripper.  In my years in this industry, I have seen girls get thrown under the bus by siblings, stalkers, former classmates, frenemies, nemeses, and my personal favorite: their boyfriends.  The fact that you dance, if you choose to keep it a secret from your coworkers or family or significant other, will inevitably become ammunition for anyone who ends up “in the loop” of your life.  Your secret can become your greatest weakness, as secrets often do.

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Maybe if you traveled to work and told no one about your job, you could get away with it–maybe–but this job is very isolating and not having anyone you can talk to about it could drive a sane woman mad.  If you decide to dance and you don’t want people to know, I highly recommend a therapist who you can vent to about work.  If you ARE going through this experience all alone, you might consider getting active in some online communities.  Rebecca has forums for girls who are in enrolled in stripper school and there are also some forums on stripperweb.  I have met a couple girls who swear by sticking to yourself at the club and in life in order to keep yourself as “normal” as possible, but if you’re like me, normal isn’t as important as happy.  I feel blessed to have experienced the good times and the bad with friends.  Having the freedom to be “out” about my job has made me less vulnerable to stigmatization and self-hatred through this leg of my journey.  I’m not sure if I could have handled juggling dancing and building a career. The stress of being found out and taken down would be too strong.

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The great conundrum about dancing is that it’s too “grown up” for most girls under 24, but a good chunk of girls over 24 are too “grown up” to jeopardize their reputations with the label.  Do you have experience juggling work and a job?  Share your stories in the comments.  We need to talk!

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The thing that I hear strippers complain most about and also probably is the most emotionally draining part of the job (when you first start stripping, at least) is that guys insist on touching, grabbing, pinching, licking, biting, and blowing on you.  Not only does it feel like a complete violation of your bits, it’s also really ridiculous for a guy to expect to touch you like that for a measly $20.  Once upon a time, strippers could just dominate guys out of doing that, and sometimes the dominatrix act even made them more money–but this isn’t the nineties.  These days there are LOTS of entertainers and way fewer fetishists in the clubs.  There are tons of lawsuits (don’t believe me, google it), and the popular image of women has shifted back to “fun girl” from “fierce girl.”  Beating a guy off of you and yelling at him is going to hurt your money, especially if the dances at your club are on the floor where other guys could witness it.  No matter WHO was in the wrong, you are going to look like the crazy one.  He isn’t insane for trying to touch you.  You are hot, he is a dog.  He can’t help it–so use your grace and charm and smile to keep your boundaries firm.

A young girl I used to dance with would jump up and say, “OMG, I just really didn’t expect you to touch me like that!”  and guys would feel awful.  They would see her as a “good girl” and many would pay her for her time after that.

I like to say, “Oh no baby, you can’t touch me like that out here, I’ll get in trouble.  We have private rooms though, where we can get a little closer.”   Next thing you know I am in a VIP room, and I honestly spend the majority of the time talking.

Does yelling at him to sit on his hands save you?  Yeah, it does, for that song, but the likelihood of that guy stacking dances with you diminishes (and if he likes you enough to lick your nasty stage body, he likes you enough to spend money on you) the second you cop an attitude.  Successful strippers know that keeping his desire alive is what makes him pay you and it’s what makes him upgrade.  Biting his head off might make you feel better for the moment, but controlling your impulses is integral to boosting your sales.  You might hate this guy right now, but if you handle things with finesse and grace, you just might end up turning your horny dog into the guy who pays your rent every month.

Taming your emotions

Chase Kelly —  January 20, 2013 — 5 Comments

About 3 weeks ago I finished a book that had been on my list for awhile.  Between having a childhood that lacked guidance, running this blog, and being an entertainer myself, I often turn to books to answer the difficult questions this industry has brought up.  Over and over in books like The Power of Now, The Road Less Traveled, The Secret, The Art of Loving, The Dance of Anger, Rich Dad Poor Dad, The Power of Positive Thinking and a ton more finance and self help books proclaim the same thing.  You cannot act in response to your emotions.  You need make your emotions respond to you.

After weeks of contemplating, I have rewritten the concept (with the help of my trusty steed–a 5 year old Pomeranian), and I am now passing it on to you.  This WILL help you make money, and it will help you to preserve your sanity.  Guaranteed.  I am going to break it down Dr. M Scott Peck’s way, but instead of using the awful analogy he used (if you read it you know what I’m referring to), I will call you the master, and I will call your emotions your pet.

A good dogs sits, stays, and comes when commanded.  They don’t beg and they are ready to defend you from an intruder.  A good dog knows it’s place and can help it’s master accomplish many things.  The best dogs can sniff bombs and rescue babies from burning buildings and even serve as eyes for those who cannot see.

Bad dogs, though, they jump up on children and scratch them.  They bark at every passerby, out of fear or aggression, or a simple compulsion to make their presence known.  They sit next to your chair and whine while you are trying to enjoy a meal.  They chew your Louboutins and piss on your new couch and they tear up your beautiful garden.  The worst dogs attack people or other animals.

But when you think about the dog, are they really bad or good? Or is this just a matter of discipline? Seeing eye dogs and canine units go through extensive training to achieve all of the wonderful things they achieve.  Is it ever the dog’s fault that it lacks a sense of purpose, that it must act out in order to get noticed?  Of course not.  It is up to the master to set boundaries, to choose battles, to show her pet when it does not need to fear.

Have we, as young women, not acted out when what we need is guidance, love, support and understanding?  Can we not understand this behaviour?  When we are longing for something, security, happiness, money, love…these are the times that our emotions get out of control, when they act for us.  This longing is our enemy, it messes everything up.  What we need is self discipline.

A dog’s place is at the end of it’s human’s leash.  It’s sole desire in life is to bring you happiness, to serve and protect you, but in order to reap the benefits that this infinitely generous creature can offer you, you must speak to it with kindness and firmness, train it, show it it’s purpose in life.  Your dog WANTS to make you happy, but it only has the tools that you give it.

So learn, like you train your trusty BFF, to train your emotions.  When you feel your blood boiling, your temperature rising, your hands trembling with anger or disgust, sternly say to your anger, “Nooooo.” and pull on it’s leash.  Give it a firm hand, show it that you are in control, and it can trust you.  And in return, show trust in it.  When your dog is sad or sick, treat it with understanding and tenderness.  Reach down a hand and give it a comforting pet on the head.  Say, “Good girl,” when it’s earned.

We have all heard the stories of the amazing animals that have saved their families from burning buildings or the peril of drowning.  It’s true, like golden retrievers, your feelings can warn you and protect you from harm.  It is up to you to spend enough time with your emotions to understand which bark is just chatter and which is an alarm.  Like a well-loved pet, your must get to know your feelings…become comfortable enough with them that you actually hear what they’re saying, not just try and quiet the barks, ruffs, and whimpers.

So what does this have to do with stripping?  Probably a lot.  You need to harness excitement, happiness, and approachability to make money without degrading yourself.  People DO like sad strippers sometimes, but those people are not people you need to come in contact with.  Avoid them.  Additionally, most girls in the industry often let their emotions get the best of them, which is why they are best suited for a job that takes them in all their erratic and irrational childish glory, and this inability to control one’s emotions is what keeps them stuck in the industry forever.  Not that this job isn’t REAL, because it’s as real as it gets, but in the COMMON world, no one is going to tolerate your outbursts.  You can’t say to a client at a law firm, “Don’t TALK like that, you are SO GROSS,” throw a drink at them, and walk away.  In the strip club, though, your craziness is tolerated.  It shouldn’t be tolerable to you, though!  You can’t let yourself get that way, just because your job allows it….of any occupation, this one will stretch you to your max and having control of your emotions will determine if you sink or swim.  It will be the deciding factor between those of you who start successful business and those who down into a hole of addiction and defeat.  If you ever want out of this kind of work, if you don’t want to become this industry, you need to learn about your emotions, you need to learn to love them, to be kind to them, and to discipline them so that they can best protect you from this scary world.  Hope is a girls best friend.  Good luck and be safe out there this weekend.

Chase K.

http://www.survivetheclub.com

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How to be a stripper is not all you need to know when it comes to the industry.  If you have been dancing for 5 years or 5 days, you need to write your exit plan, starting today.  It is automatic to become accustomed to stripper money and require it to survive.  Even if you are one of the low earners at your club, chances are you have the ability to make more now than you would if left to rely on your other resources.  Isn’t that why you chose dancing, come to think of it?

Your exit plan is simple, it consists of 4 things:
-How much money does it cost me to live?
-If I weren’t dancing, what would I like to be doing to earn money?
-What does it take in order to actually “do” step 2?
-How much does it cost to “do” step 2?
Answering these questions is the first step to actually making your dreams come true.  No matter how much you are enjoying dancing today, we need to loudly state that this is not your life goal.  For years I wanted to be a stripper when I grew up.  Now that I am a grown up stripper, I realize that the future of this industry just isn’t for me.  Dancer into my 30’s?  Sounds palatable enough, but dancer into my 40’s just in’t* gonna work.
The reality is that this job is stressful and dangerous.  While I hope nothing bad ever happens in your dancing career, or in your life for that matter, it’s important to be realistic.  Bad things happen to everyone, and this job can create you a safety net to help get you through the really awful things, some of which are brought on because of the job itself.
The day my dad died, I swear I wish I could have traded in my gucci shoes for a flight to Phoenix to be with my mom, but Southwest doesn’t accept scuffed flats for flights.  I had no money and no plan to deal with the hardship I was going through.  I had to dance that entire month to pay my bills.  The same thing happened when I got mugged on my way home from work, and when I went through my big breakup, and after I went past my limits with a customer and had a breakdown.  I can’t tell you what it’s like to have to give even one  lap dance when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.  Having to do it night after night so you don’t end up homeless is unbearable.  UNFUCKINGBEARABLE.
PLEASE, don’t do this to yourself.  If nothing else, prepare for 3 months of living expenses.  3 months is the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM amount of time you’d need away from dancing if god forbid something awful happened to you.  Going back to work when you aren’t ready can cause extreme mental damage, even if you aren’t aware of it at the time.  Hindsight is 20/20 and I am here to tell you that you will need to undo that damage if you insist on inflicting it upon yourself.  Sometimes, it can never be undone.  If you want to really do something amazing for yourself, please email me.  I will walk you through the foundation of the program I am writing for you guys.  It’s not finished yet, but I can help you get on the path now if you can’t wait another second.
Lack of planning led me down a very dark tunnel that landed me in a very dark pit of despair.  Even if you think dancing doesn’t affect you on an emotional level, all it takes is one small shift to change that forever.  The entire reason I write this blog is because I want to help you avoid the pain I put myself through.  Girls like us, we just didn’t have anyone to show us how to do it right.  Instead of beating yourself up, instead of feeling hopeless or stuck, take just one simple step to give you some strength.  Get yourself a savings going and use it to fuel your way out of this place, once you’ve milked it for everything it has to offer you.
*I just created an even lazier way to say “ain’t,” which is either indicative of me being an extreme over achiever, or on the flip side, an extreme under achiever.  Food for thought.

 

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Making a Regular

Chase Kelly —  September 13, 2012 — 2 Comments

Anyone who dances knows that the best money comes from being a stripper who attracts regulars.  I want to tell you how I do it.

The other night I had a customer the who was really sweet.

He had been going through a really hard time.  A bad divorce, some time locked up, lost his kid to his ex, working 60 hours a week at a job he hated, and NO strip club experience/etiquette.  Typically an annoying guy, but since it was early on a Sunday, the club was really slow, I decided to go talk to him.  It seemed like everyone was avoiding him because he was sitting in a kind of unapproachable spot, but I assume that’s only because he wasn’t really comfortable.  He had heard about my club on the radio and decided to come out for our Sunday happy hour special, which is $10 dances all night.  People with no strip club experience make the perfect regulars, because n one has gotten in there and burned him, given him too much for too little, or fucked him up some other annoying way.  I decided it was a perfect opportunity to take on the project of converting him to my regular.

I was really sweet and patient, showed him a great time, gave him some heartfelt advice, and took 2 shots with him (a serious limit for me).  On $10 dance nights I still always charge $20, but a lot of customers who hear the ad expect to pay the “sale” price.  Here is how I get around that.

“So this is really only your second time at a strip club?  Do you know how it works here?”

Even if he knows, he is going to prompt you to tell him.  He wants to hear your menu.  Dances here are typically $20 anywhere in the club, but options are key.  People gravitate towards the middle ground, so 3 choices is best.

“So, since it’s Sunday, we are running a $10 dance special.  They take place here in your seat, there is absolutely no touching, and I leave my top on.  We can also go against the wall back there, and those are $20.  We also have private VIP dances, which are way more intimate, allow touching, and are really fun.  Which do you think you want to do?”

He chose the $20 dances, and we did a few.  Then I gave him a massage for awhile, and charged $10 a song.  Eventually I excused myself because I was bored of him, and could feel his attention wavering.  The club had picked up, so I went in search of greener pastures.  I knew I showed him a great time and he’d want to see me again, so I offered my email, even though he is FAR from a regular.  It was actually his first time in a club since the 90’s.  Today I received an email from him.  It read as follows:

Hi Chase. Hope all is well with you. This J the guy with the skull

hat. I was there Sunday.   Just wanted to say thanks alot! For taking

your time and talking and being real. You made my night. You and the

drinks got me loosen up. So I went with it and had fun. dance with

others to. Nice place! easy going. Stiil I had best time hanging with

you. Send me a line as to when you work and if its not a work night

Ill come out. dont worry I wont hang on you. I know you need to work.

Thanks very much for your email. very sweet.  Hope to here from you.

take care, have fun.

J

How lovely.  It feels nice to help someone when they are having a hard time.  Sometimes people just want to relax and have fun, and I am lucky to be professional and personable enough that I can feel okay about charging for it.  If you take someone who is down in the dumps for a ride, take all of their money, and treat them like a trick, you are a shithead.  Don’t be a part of the problem, people already think we are thieving whores, that’s why they don’t care when we get raped or murdered.  Being a good person is your responsibility, we need you to help us get the respect we deserve!  I know that I am not a negative thing for this guy, so taking his money is A-OK.  There are lots of occupations in which you get paid to help people, and dancing can definitely be one of them.  It really is one of the more exciting and rewarding parts of the job, to be able to give someone who never gets to smile a great night.  Sooooo I did that for this guy, made a regular, and then got to write an awesome blog about it to share with you all the ins and outs of how to be successful, ethical, and rich young ladies!  How good is life, can you tell me?

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Keeping ourselves safe

Chase Kelly —  September 5, 2012 — 6 Comments

TRIGGER WARNING-this post talks about rape and sexual assault.

As if sexual assault wasn’t an issue for all women everywhere, dancers face a whole different set of concerns than the average woman.  Being objectified makes most girls feel uncomfortable, and although at some point every girl is hollered at by some toothless wonder on the street, only the Megan Fox’s and Kim K’s of the world are objectified to the level that we are.  Women in the adult industry choose this line of work knowing that we will be sexualized, coveted, and sometimes treated poorly.  We know the perks, so we tolerate the drawbacks without much complaint.   Some crazy assholes think that because we have given them the go ahead to look at us like Barbie dolls that we have extended an invitation to do what they want with us.  As absolutely insane and wrong as it is, it just keeps happening.  Some men realize that what we do is a job and that we are real people outside of work, but some just don’t.  Some think that we are just crazy, drunk sluts and no one would miss us if we were gone.  The stigma in the sex industry has always been the same:  “These girls are objects, they are not human.  It is ok to rape them, and it is ok to kill them, and it is not worth government money to do thorough investigations of either.”  We have always been the victims of heinous crimes.  Just off the top of my head, there’s Jack the Ripper, the Craigslist killer, the Long Island killer, and whoever keeps snatching those girls in New Orleans.  No one does anything to stop it, unfortunately.  The education is nearly nonexistent, and the “She’s asking for it,” sentiment is not limited to any certain demographic.  It’s everywhere.

We (kind of) know where the blame lies, and we know it isn’t with us.  We live in a sick society, too many people, too much greed, the media, bad parenting, etc.  But blame does no more good in this situation than it does in any other.  Blame doesn’t empower us, it enslaves us, and while I support demonstration and activism to educate the public, it doesn’t do much to protect us today.  The SlutWalk in Vancouver might be a really fun event (I bet it’s awesome actually), but if you are going to get sexually assaulted tonight in Kansas City, it really doesn’t do much, does it?

I’ve heard the story a thousand times, of the girl who was followed, stalked, raped, or assaulted by a customer.  If you haven’t been through it, do everything you can to avoid it.  It messes with you more than you think it will and it isn’t worth it.  Lots of girls are headstrong on the safety issue, and it’s so unnerving.  You are a target, empower yourself by being protected, not by living in denial!

It’s sad that society teaches, “Don’t get raped,” instead of, “don’t rape.”  It really does point the finger at the victim, but before you become the victim (again or for the first time), let the light come on.  Realize that it IS up to you to keep yourself safe, especially when you are knowingly putting yourself in a questionable position!  We need to respect that one of the draw backs of this job is that it’s dangerous.  We need to be somewhat cautious.  My inner feminist hates me for saying all this, but she also respects my inner smart, savvy woman who does what she needs to in order to protect herself.

So let’s make a pact to focus our efforts on ourselves as individuals.  Let’s promise to watch our own backs, instead of hoping the guy we’re hanging out with doesn’t have that mentality because he “shouldn’t.”  Lots of people are wolves in sheep’s clothing, so do what you need to in order to protect yourselves.  Being more responsible individuals will strengthen us as a community, and that’s what we really need!  Can we decrease the rate of sexual violence against women in the sex industry?  Yes, absolutely.  Before you even think it, NO, we shouldn’t have to.  But we do have to.  No one is going to do it for us.  Men should be able to control themselves, but it’s becoming apparent that they can’t, so something has to be done.  Please feel free to comment with any other ideas.  These are just a few from my brain:

-We should dress modestly on our way to and from work whenever possible.  Leaving work in a short dress and heels with your stripper makeup still on and your shoe hanging half way out of your bag says, “I have cash on me, I am tipsy, and I am loose,” during the most dangerous hour of the night.  We will avoid giving people this impression by wearing something modest.  If I am not getting paid for it, the attention is unwanted anyway.

-We will not see a customer outside of the club without doing a proper screening.  Always take a picture of his ID on your phone and send it to a trusted friend who knows EXACTLY where you are and what time to expect you back.

-It’s a bad idea to promise things we have no intention of delivering.  It is an easy $500 to say we will meet someone later and then never show, but drugs+alcohol+sexual frustration+thievery=disaster.  Not only is it morally wrong, but it’s just putting yourself in a compromising position.

-We won’t leave the club alone if we are fucked up.  Drunk girls are easy targets.

-We will stick to the buddy system whenever possible.-We won’t go somewhere with a guy so he can “get us” something.  I don’t care if he has all the cocaine in the world and you REALLY want it.  These guys use drugs and money to coerce you.  Don’t fall for it!  These aren’t your friends!

-We will never let someone define our boundaries for us.  We know what we are OK with, and we can and will firmly say stop if someone tries to cross them.  We are not afraid, and we need our self respect more than we need money from those assholes.  We all know that there are GREAT customers out there who want to pay us and treat us right, but we don’t find them if we waste our time with the ones who push.

Will this stop rape from happening?  Probably not, but it might stop yours.  A larger impact isn’t impossible, either.  Stranger things have happened.  When everyone takes responsibility for themselves, the whole improves.  Again, should we have to come up with a solution to this problem?  No.  We didn’t cause it, we are just effected by it, but as the ones over whom the issue has the most chilling impact, we NEED to do something.  We can’t just throw a fit in our pink panties that people don’t see us as more than we show them.  We have to show them more strength and less vulnerability.