Archives For The Audition

Stripper 101, the place for newbies! Anything not covered here, just ask!

How Young is Too Young?

Chase Kelly —  February 20, 2016 — 6 Comments

ROOKIE STRIPPERS, HEAR ME OUT!  Unless you are in a dire situation that you absolutely need to get out of, in my opinion, there is no reason to strip if you are under the age of twenty two.  A beautiful sense of immortality often accompanies youth, and though there are many reasons teenagers shouldn’t strip, the “it can’t happen to me” attitude is number one.  When we are young, we assume that everyone’s intentions are pure, we are blind to red flags.  We learn how to be adults from falling on our faces, looking around and seeing these flags, strategically placed around the areas in our lives that we have hopelessly flubbed.  In time, if we are perceptive, we stop falling on our faces because we learn to see the flags as our warning.  If you haven’t learned what to look for yet, how can you keep yourself safe in the fast pace of the strip club world?  The traps at strip clubs are worse than the traps in the normal world.  If you haven’t learned how to keep your eyes open for super sketchy situations, take your time.  Once you start red flags pop up  around other people and especially around your own behaviour, that’s kind of a decent indicator that you will be able to keep yourself safe.

995052_718687024870098_9034571527170229883_n

Starting stripping too young won’t make you grow up faster either, even though that’s what people who know nothing about it will tell you.  Being a dancer can actually stunt your growth or stop it all together.  I know strippers who are fifty years old who dance because they have no other choice, and I don’t mock them when I say that.  There are of course some women who stay working into maturity because they like the work, or that it’s still lucrative and it is supplemental or funds their passions.  Those are different stories.  I am talking specifically about women who never learned another way of life and have been kept stripping or escorting for much longer than they wanted to be.  In a normal setting, a person moves past that ‘whatever’ mentality as they mature.  They get accolades and responsibilities that give them pride and purpose.  You’ll never have that in a strip club.  This industry enables and encourages irresponsibility and immaturity.  There is a lot of money to be made off of young women in this world, and the longer you stay in, the better you get at making sales, even if you aren’t fresh and nineteen anymore.  If you start working in an environment that encourages (and profits from) your recklessness before you learn your own personal limitations, it restricts you from making that adjustment into the life you want.  Your goals at eighteen are so set in fantasy, you haven’t tried your hand at them yet.  No matter what your age is, if you’re unsure, start by getting a different job at the strip club, like waitress, door girl, or bartender.  Start having a little bit of contact with the girls and customers, but not too much.  See how it makes you feel first, and take your time making the adjustment into dancing if you like it.

4dd549e82610b-preview-620I Remember that I only speak from personal opinion and experience, and of course all things are objective, but I believe that most young dancers are unprepared to make such a life altering decision, even if they are emotionally mature.  One of the recurring themes of this book is habit and pattern. The likelihood of building abnormal habits around love and sex are all too real if you spend the years that you are building a concept of normalcy in a strip club.   Sex should be at least somewhat sacred, and when you put a dollar amount on it, that can be really confusing to a newcomer to the adult dating scene.

honoring-god-in-hard-times100113

More unnerving than the weird things that can happen to your sex life based on habit is the negativity that can come from trauma in the line of duty.  There are most certainly predators in this environment who consciously target young and inexperienced girls and prey on their naivety, and the outcome can be devastating.  They aren’t always customers, either.  Some of them work with you and are very good at hiding their snakelike intentions.  To young people interested in the adult industry, I always say, “We’ll be here in five years.”  I know many of you nineteen year olds are reading this and shrugging it off, but I can’t stress it enough.  Sometimes I wish I had those extra five years of income, but I would have wasted the money anyway. Nineteen-year-old girls rarely invest in their retirement funds or spend their cash on tuition. If you’re young or unsure if you’re ready, I’ll tell you that I did fine as a waitress and bartender.  It is most certainly generous wages and bottle service waitresses crush most strippers in annual income.

I feel like this statement needs to be shouted from the rooftops of every building in every city in every country, and in every language, but especially it needs to be said to strippers and sex workers.  You are not a whore no matter what anyone says about it.  Your job DOES NOT determine your character, and it does not eclipse your values.  Many of you have had arguments with close friends and significant others in which the person/people you love most will tell you that you’re worthless.  “You’re a whore and no one will ever want you.”  is something I wish I could say I’ve only heard once, and only heard from one person I loved.  Talk about something that could cause a person to start to die inside.  But no matter what they say, don’t self stigmatize, do not believe it.  I wish one blog post could undo that feeling for those of you who have had it (and will in the future).  I wish it could undo it for me.

rightsize22

This is the second best thing.  I can teach you what I’ve learned and I can show you how I’ve grown.  When people cut you down, when society does it to you over and over, when dead hooker jokes are on primetime television as though that girl is not a person, it’s easy to start considering it, even in the back of your mind.  When people say things like that it is because they feel weak and they need to kick you down.  Then they use your broken spirit as a step ladder to their own validation.  Do not give anyone that power.  Refuse to lower yourself to the “you” they want you to be.  Elevate.

The truth is that who you are is based on your character, which can suffer from being in this industry, but it’s mostly because of the associated lifestyle, not from the job itself.  I can sit here for hours and go on and on about how it’s the oldest job and that there’s nothing wrong with using your body for money, but you already know that.  If people you love are cutting you down, you don’t have stripper problems.  You have boyfriend problems, girlfriend problems, family problems, and maybe even identity problems, but being a stripper, escort, sugar baby, cam girl, dominatrix, or any other type of industry performer is not the problem, and it’s definitely not who you are.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.


Your job doesn’t need to demean you, and if you feel like stripping makes you less of a person–you should quit.  Now.  Even if you don’t know what you’re going to do or how you’re going to do it; trust me-you’ll figure it out.  Work one more shift, make it a money night, and call it a day because really, you deserve so much more.  Maybe you can be a waitress or maybe a customer you know can help you find a 9-5, maybe you can live off of your savings until you figure something out (because you saved, right?)
If you are a stripper and you’re having a hard time with your identity, you can figure it out.  You can determine what is going to define you.  Instead of going shopping for your 100th pair of cheeky panties, you can make a plan to implement some community service or charity into your life.  Instead of sleeping in bed all day and ordering delivery every night for dinner, learn to cook, or at least get great at dining out.  Developing your other “non-stripping” skills and values is going to be essential to feeling like you are a real human being with a real purpose in life.

Untitled 6At some point I stopped being a stripper and became an entertainer (when I learned to dress myself and perform on stage and give a great lap dance).  Next, I graduated from being an entertainer and became a hustler (when I learned about sales, especially in the commodity industries), and now I have a day job in a luxury industry, because instead of seeing me as a useless stripper, smart people saw that I was a well developed individual with integrity, honesty, work ethic, intelligence, knowledge, and hustle.

If you let it, money will replace passion and drive in your life, so don’t coast.  Spend your time defining yourself, and it will be much easier to identify the TRUE problems in your life (like the people who drag you down and diminish your self worth) and get rid of them, or better yet use them as a ladder and climb.

happy hustling, you beautiful humans

chasekellysignature

Should you be a stripper?

Chase Kelly —  September 1, 2012 — 1 Comment

 

If you have never danced before, the questions you have are infinite, and so is the advice I have to give.  Deciding to become a stripper is a very big decision and one that will affect the rest of your life; ie: please don’t take this decision lightly!  I know what you really want me to address is what to wear, how to give lapdances, what to do on stage, how to talk to customers, other dancers, and club management, and I promise I will in future posts, but this being the first time I address new dancers, I really want to focus on the big picture.  It’s definitely the most important part.

You need to take an honest assessment of yourself if you are just starting out dancing.  Even if you’ve been working for a couple weeks, months, or years, this is a good thing to go back and do.  Given the fact that negativity is contagious, and you are a good person, it is the right thing to do to handle your business appropriately and not spread around the toxicity of your demise.  The maturity to determine if this is really what you need to be doing right now is the first thing to focus on.  You need to be honest with yourself, for your own well-being and the well-being of others.  I ask you to always bring that self awareness with you when you read my blogs.  I don’t like denial, it keeps us from achieving greatness!

The very most important thing you need to survive as a dancer and to generally be a happy person is integrity.  Do you feel like you really know who you are? When you say or think something, does it come from a place of sincerity?  Do you consider the facts and adhere to them without altering the “truth?” Do you feel like you have a solid, firm, stable, and mature character?  It’s totally ok if you aren’t there yet, but making it a goal is a necessity.  People who go their whole lives without ever committing to a life that they deem worthwhile usually live under a veil of darkness.  When you put a shaky character like that into a strip club, very bad things are imminent, and those things are the only things the public sees.  If you are going to dance, please do so as a liberated, free, and independent woman (or man, or trans person!)

The next thing I’d encourage you to have is a sense of clarity.  Do you have a pretty good grasp on reality?  It’s important that you are the kind of person who does a lot of analyzing and soul searching-someone who can see when things are taking a turn for the worse and come up with a creative solution to the problem.  If you are the kind of person who shuts down when she is afraid, or the kind of person who lies to herself and tries to keep up appearances when you’re falling apart inside, you should take some more time to think about dancing and work on that.  If you have a hard time with this, I suggest meditating.  Exercises on mindfulness can really help you evolve.

How do you really feel about yourself?  Do you feel beautiful?  Would your heart be broken if a customer told you that you were fat or a girl made fun of your c-section scar?  This might happen.  Even if you think you are perfect, people will find something to pick at.  If you are the kind of person who obsesses, please don’t dance.  If you have an eating disorder, this job also isn’t for you.  The strip club takes everything that is wrong with how society views women and amplifies it times a million, and as someone who is already suffering as a result of a sick culture, the last thing you need is more negative body image shit.  You need to feel really comfortable, and realize that when people say awful things about you, it has nothing to do with what’s wrong with you, and everything to do with what’s wrong with them.  Inner strength is really key.

If you are touchy when people say things you don’t like and often find yourself in confrontation with the people you are involved with, you will probably have quite a few problems at the club.  It really is best to be a level headed person.  You have way more strength if you solve problems with logic than if you solve them with anger or rage or violence.

The qualities above and a generally positive attitude are going to be the most valuable weapons you can wield against the taxing environment you’ll be working in, and actually will be pretty useful tools for surviving life in general.  Remember that just because you are reading this and will take these things into consideration, not every dancer (or person) does.  You will encounter a lot of difficult people in this industry and knowing how to handle them is important.  Do not measure yourself against other girls, and do not bend your morals for anyone, whether it’s in the name of agreement or disagreement.  You know it’s a bad idea to do cocaine, and you also know nobody listens when you are irrational, so keep your head on straight and be able to handle confrontation with grace.

Not having all of the qualities you need to be a dancer right now doesn’t mean that you can NEVER be a dancer (or that you’ll never be happy.)  You are an ever evolving being, and knowing what your weaknesses are gives you the ability to make a clear cut plan to improve.  Stripping is a fun and exciting job, and it will have lots to offer you for many years if you allow it to, but just like you wouldn’t want to see Paris for the first time with a significant other during a break up, you don’t want to see financial freedom for the first time while you’re in the middle of a break down.  If you are unprepared mentally, you will not only squander your entire income, but you will ruin the image of this awesome profession for yourself and never be able to return, not to mention add to the negative stigma we are trying so desperately to shake!

Thank you so much for visiting, and I hope this helps.  Keep coming back!

Chase

Showers on the inside

Chase Kelly —  September 1, 2012 — Leave a comment

I had a discussion with a very fresh dancer whom I really like.  I sense that some things are pretty hard for her and she is sort of confused.  She is unbearably beautiful, dancing is quite lucrative for her and will continue to be, regardless of whether she plays her cards right—this is pretty much a guarantee.  What is not so sure, though, is what will happen to her.  Anyone who has been dancing more than a few years has seen exactly what I am talking about: sweet young girl tries her hand at dancing and ends up a suicidal mess in a pile of pain pills.  It kills me.

Tonight she told me that stripping makes her feel like she needs a “shower on the inside.” Just that phrase, wherever she came up with it, it seems so hopeless.  I have been thinking about it all night (girl, if you read this, please know I care, for real!) and I can’t quite shake it.  My advise to her is the same advise I have for all of us: build yourself an exit strategy from day 1.  Know what you need in the bank to be able to quit at the drop of a dime.  If something changes tomorrow to keep you from ever setting foot in the club again, be sure that you have the cushion you need to escape.  For someone like her, who has only been dancing 2 months, she simply needs $3,000 and a new job, but for girls like me, who have been dancing longer, we have a higher goal (mine is 1 year living expenses, a 1 month trip to Australia, a downpayment on a home, and 20k for my education—this is doable in just a couple of years with enough discipline!)  I think it’s a good idea to set that goal for yourself and start adding towards it, if even only $10 at a time.

The other thing I told her is that the club isn’t going anywhere.  Although I had waitressed, bar tended, and even managed a club before I ever got on stage, I waited until I was 24 to start dancing.  I knew I did not have the emotional maturity to handle it prior, so I fed my curiosity by working in other positions at the club.  I encourage you to tap into yourself and decide what’s right for you, ESPECIALLY if you’re new to the game; maybe you don’t need to be here yet, maybe you don’t need to be here at all.  If something feels totally wrong, get out.  If you have been with us for some time and have no emergency savings, you are in a serious crisis and you NEED to fix it!  Stop living your life as a series of reactions.  Take some control, and decide if this is really the job for you right now, and if it is, make a plan, so that if your “right now” changes, so can your occupation.  In order to avoid disaster, one must plan.  Disaster may still strike, but you will have tools to help you survive.  Money is power.  You have money, will you build yourself some power?