Archives For The Bank

Everything you need to know about Money Management.

Despite the cash that is overflowing from their coach bags, most strippers have a fair amount of unmanaged debt that they do not know what to do with.   Borrowing money is part of our culture, and since most everyone we know is drowning in debt, maybe you jumped on the bandwagon of irresponsibility.  Maybe you got screwed in interest, and now you’re paying 10 times as much as you spent originally, now you are taking a stand against them and vow not to pay them at all.  Maybe you are a little lazy and paying them means doing a bunch of things you don’t feel like doing right now, but you swear you’ll do it “later,” and maybe you think you are being good, you pay all your bills on time, but you pay the minimum due and your balances never seem to go down?  (Maybe you have no debt at all and this post doesn’t apply to you, in which case, please comment how you managed your debt and give yourself a hug!)

Whatever the reason is, if you carry ANY debt as a dancer you are doing yourself a grave injustice.  Strippers should be investing and MAKING money in interest on all the cash we make (even if you’re a low earning stripper, you can be providing for your future more capably now than possibly ever.)  Right now, you make the cash that it costs to earn a Ph.D.  Even if you have NO IDEA what you want your future to be like, trust that one day a plan will show itself to you (please watch this video).  Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to quit dancing and dedicate 40 hours a week towards YOUR DREAM?  You don’t have to run in the rat race like everyone else.  If you pay off your debts and manage your money, you can live the life you want to live, without many of the limitations that keep people down.  You don’t need to have a plan for the rest of your life right this instance to prepare yourself for a comfortable life, and there’s something you can do RIGHT NOW instead of browsing the internet to improve your life.

IF YOU PAY OFF YOUR DEBTS AND SAVE YOUR MONEY, THE LIFE YOU WANT IS YOURS, so the first step is to gather a list of all the people who you owe money to.  If this seems daunting, just answer every blocked call, 800 number, or unknown call for a month or two.  Also, check the mail daily and open everything that looks like a bill the second you get it.  Write down all of the information from each-what you owe, whether the account is in collections, if not, what the interest is on the balance, and how much they want from you.  Then start going through them one by one.  Lots of places will settle your debt for less, and if it’s in collections I say do that.

Please don’t go getting student loans, either.  If you have one, pay it off, if you don’t, get on a payment plan, work more shifts, put a little more work into refining your hustle so you make more money, and pay for school up front.  “Dancing your way through college” is a bullshit excuse for what you’re doing if you are graduating with the same debt as your cousin who works at Whole Foods.  Don’t take loans for ANYTHING but a home if you can avoid it (which you can).

I am not a financial advisor, but there are ton’s of books on debt management that can help you.  I definitely recommend Suze Orman, I got through all of my debt while reading Women and Money.  Lots of the advice in personal finance books don’t apply to dancers because we make cash, but paying off your debts is a must for all people, it just so happens that it’s actually POSSIBLE for strippers.  The bottom line is, even though you can’t see it, the interest on those cards is eating away at your hard earned money.  These credit card companies are in business to make LOTS of money off of you, and if you aren’t paying attention, they will.  Carry a low balance on your cards, and pay it in full each month.  Don’t borrow money you don’t have.  Save.  Pay for everything you have up front.  I never tell someone to “bill me.”  and ALWAYS pay cash when possible.

I will post more on earning back interest with IRAs, savings accounts, and mutual funds later on, but while you wait, pick up the phone and cancel that Victoria’s Secret Card.



related post: Control your Credit


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How to be a stripper is not all you need to know when it comes to the industry.  If you have been dancing for 5 years or 5 days, you need to write your exit plan, starting today.  It is automatic to become accustomed to stripper money and require it to survive.  Even if you are one of the low earners at your club, chances are you have the ability to make more now than you would if left to rely on your other resources.  Isn’t that why you chose dancing, come to think of it?

Your exit plan is simple, it consists of 4 things:
-How much money does it cost me to live?
-If I weren’t dancing, what would I like to be doing to earn money?
-What does it take in order to actually “do” step 2?
-How much does it cost to “do” step 2?
Answering these questions is the first step to actually making your dreams come true.  No matter how much you are enjoying dancing today, we need to loudly state that this is not your life goal.  For years I wanted to be a stripper when I grew up.  Now that I am a grown up stripper, I realize that the future of this industry just isn’t for me.  Dancer into my 30’s?  Sounds palatable enough, but dancer into my 40’s just in’t* gonna work.
The reality is that this job is stressful and dangerous.  While I hope nothing bad ever happens in your dancing career, or in your life for that matter, it’s important to be realistic.  Bad things happen to everyone, and this job can create you a safety net to help get you through the really awful things, some of which are brought on because of the job itself.
The day my dad died, I swear I wish I could have traded in my gucci shoes for a flight to Phoenix to be with my mom, but Southwest doesn’t accept scuffed flats for flights.  I had no money and no plan to deal with the hardship I was going through.  I had to dance that entire month to pay my bills.  The same thing happened when I got mugged on my way home from work, and when I went through my big breakup, and after I went past my limits with a customer and had a breakdown.  I can’t tell you what it’s like to have to give even one  lap dance when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.  Having to do it night after night so you don’t end up homeless is unbearable.  UNFUCKINGBEARABLE.
PLEASE, don’t do this to yourself.  If nothing else, prepare for 3 months of living expenses.  3 months is the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM amount of time you’d need away from dancing if god forbid something awful happened to you.  Going back to work when you aren’t ready can cause extreme mental damage, even if you aren’t aware of it at the time.  Hindsight is 20/20 and I am here to tell you that you will need to undo that damage if you insist on inflicting it upon yourself.  Sometimes, it can never be undone.  If you want to really do something amazing for yourself, please email me.  I will walk you through the foundation of the program I am writing for you guys.  It’s not finished yet, but I can help you get on the path now if you can’t wait another second.
Lack of planning led me down a very dark tunnel that landed me in a very dark pit of despair.  Even if you think dancing doesn’t affect you on an emotional level, all it takes is one small shift to change that forever.  The entire reason I write this blog is because I want to help you avoid the pain I put myself through.  Girls like us, we just didn’t have anyone to show us how to do it right.  Instead of beating yourself up, instead of feeling hopeless or stuck, take just one simple step to give you some strength.  Get yourself a savings going and use it to fuel your way out of this place, once you’ve milked it for everything it has to offer you.
*I just created an even lazier way to say “ain’t,” which is either indicative of me being an extreme over achiever, or on the flip side, an extreme under achiever.  Food for thought.


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Making a Regular

Chase Kelly —  September 13, 2012 — 2 Comments

Anyone who dances knows that the best money comes from being a stripper who attracts regulars.  I want to tell you how I do it.

The other night I had a customer the who was really sweet.

He had been going through a really hard time.  A bad divorce, some time locked up, lost his kid to his ex, working 60 hours a week at a job he hated, and NO strip club experience/etiquette.  Typically an annoying guy, but since it was early on a Sunday, the club was really slow, I decided to go talk to him.  It seemed like everyone was avoiding him because he was sitting in a kind of unapproachable spot, but I assume that’s only because he wasn’t really comfortable.  He had heard about my club on the radio and decided to come out for our Sunday happy hour special, which is $10 dances all night.  People with no strip club experience make the perfect regulars, because n one has gotten in there and burned him, given him too much for too little, or fucked him up some other annoying way.  I decided it was a perfect opportunity to take on the project of converting him to my regular.

I was really sweet and patient, showed him a great time, gave him some heartfelt advice, and took 2 shots with him (a serious limit for me).  On $10 dance nights I still always charge $20, but a lot of customers who hear the ad expect to pay the “sale” price.  Here is how I get around that.

“So this is really only your second time at a strip club?  Do you know how it works here?”

Even if he knows, he is going to prompt you to tell him.  He wants to hear your menu.  Dances here are typically $20 anywhere in the club, but options are key.  People gravitate towards the middle ground, so 3 choices is best.

“So, since it’s Sunday, we are running a $10 dance special.  They take place here in your seat, there is absolutely no touching, and I leave my top on.  We can also go against the wall back there, and those are $20.  We also have private VIP dances, which are way more intimate, allow touching, and are really fun.  Which do you think you want to do?”

He chose the $20 dances, and we did a few.  Then I gave him a massage for awhile, and charged $10 a song.  Eventually I excused myself because I was bored of him, and could feel his attention wavering.  The club had picked up, so I went in search of greener pastures.  I knew I showed him a great time and he’d want to see me again, so I offered my email, even though he is FAR from a regular.  It was actually his first time in a club since the 90’s.  Today I received an email from him.  It read as follows:

Hi Chase. Hope all is well with you. This J the guy with the skull

hat. I was there Sunday.   Just wanted to say thanks alot! For taking

your time and talking and being real. You made my night. You and the

drinks got me loosen up. So I went with it and had fun. dance with

others to. Nice place! easy going. Stiil I had best time hanging with

you. Send me a line as to when you work and if its not a work night

Ill come out. dont worry I wont hang on you. I know you need to work.

Thanks very much for your email. very sweet.  Hope to here from you.

take care, have fun.


How lovely.  It feels nice to help someone when they are having a hard time.  Sometimes people just want to relax and have fun, and I am lucky to be professional and personable enough that I can feel okay about charging for it.  If you take someone who is down in the dumps for a ride, take all of their money, and treat them like a trick, you are a shithead.  Don’t be a part of the problem, people already think we are thieving whores, that’s why they don’t care when we get raped or murdered.  Being a good person is your responsibility, we need you to help us get the respect we deserve!  I know that I am not a negative thing for this guy, so taking his money is A-OK.  There are lots of occupations in which you get paid to help people, and dancing can definitely be one of them.  It really is one of the more exciting and rewarding parts of the job, to be able to give someone who never gets to smile a great night.  Sooooo I did that for this guy, made a regular, and then got to write an awesome blog about it to share with you all the ins and outs of how to be successful, ethical, and rich young ladies!  How good is life, can you tell me?

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What to do with your cash

Chase Kelly —  September 3, 2012 — 3 Comments

I saw a post the other night that reminded me of what it was like before I had a system in place for handling my cash.  I remember the state of fear around my money, never knowing what to do with it.  When you don’t know what to do with your cash, the short answer is to spend it as quickly as possible.  Having a system in place will make you feel SO much more relaxed and confident and will help your savings grow MUCH faster!

IF you are a tax-paying stripper, you should open a savings account with a high interest rate, like an ING account and certain money market accounts (check out for the best ones in your area).  Dancing when you are young can make you a VERY rich woman later in life if you play your cards right, so if you are stacking back lots of cash, consider going the bank route.

That being said, I think we can all agree that banks can be pretty awful.  Credit Unions can be a really great alternative, but if you still can’t get down or are evading your taxes for some reason (I did this by accident for years…just too drunk and stupid to get it together, but it was an AWFUL idea).  If you are a are a cash girl you lose TONS of money on interest, but cash feels powerful, so if you want to keep it at home, make sure you do it safely.  Keeping your cash at home is a great feeling and totally fine until you have a “real” amount of cash.  At some point, it is just no longer safe to hoard it in your home without locking it down.  Keeping your cash in a drawer or under your mattress is not safe ever.  Most robberies are committed by people you know, and being a dancer, people know you have a lot of cash.  You NEED a safe.  Make sure it is fireproof, waterproof, and can be bolted to the ground.  Don’t tell people where your safe is (any fancy jewelry should live in there when you aren’t wearing it also.)

Not only will this safe make you feel, well…safer, but you will feel great going home and unlocking your safe to stuff cash in it.  If you think rolling it up and putting it in a jar in the pantry feels good, wait til you experience the magic of unlocking your safe.  Don’t get the cheap one, either.  You can start with a walmart safe until you have a couple G’s, but move it to a real one when you have a sizable amount of cash.  At that point you might as well use your little cheapy one as a “dummy” safe to fake out any possible intruders.

Another alternative is the safety deposit box, which can be rented at any bank.  Remember that the IRS does have access to any bank boxes if you were to ever get audited (happens!)


Control your Credit

Chase Kelly —  September 1, 2012 — 1 Comment

Hey ladyfriends-

I have been talking to some girls and as it turns out, most of us have no clue how to manage our FICO scores and have pretty much just given up on credit cards since we typically just max them out and then pay the bills when we feel like it, if ever.  I really want you to feel in control of your finances and your future, and I think having one credit card with a decent spending limit for “just in case” scenarios is important.  Girls turn ankles and can’t work.  We go through break ups and can’t bring ourselves to dance for a few weeks, we have deaths in the family, car accidents, kids with broken arms, etc. We also need to rent or purchase homes, we will need to get jobs or start businesses of our own later.  Many of these things wil require credit checks, and those of you who have proven irresponsible in this area will be shit out of luck, so I am going to give you a basic plan to get your credit cards under control:

1. Pull your FICO scores.  Your FICO score is basically your Bill Paying Grade, and it ranges from 300-850.  There are 3 different bureaus that are keeping track of your spending record, so you should probably get on top of it, too.  You can pull this from  Beware of sites that offer free credit checks, they will often bill you for other services that you don’t request, and you cannot stop the payments without canceling your card all together, so try and avoid those.

2. Scour what you see.  Make sure everything on there is real, and you actually charged those items.  Start calling any companies that have closed your account or have gone to collections and ask for a settlement.  Pay off all of these and keep the accounts closed.

3. Get down to only one credit card with the lowest interest rate possible.  Close all store cards (these are a trap) and never open another one.  I don’t care if they give 90% off at the register, these cards are a scam!  Work out a payment plan for anything else that comes up.  Your goal is to get your debt down to zero.

4. Understand how interest works, don’t pay the minimum!  So basically here’s what happens.  You have a 10% interest rate and you charge $300.  When you get your bill you pay on time, but you only pay the minimum payment of $25.  You now have a balance of $275 on your credit card, all of which is charged a 10% interest immediately.  You just got charged $27.50 for nothing.  Credit card companies are banking on the fact that you cannot make your payments and therefor need to pay only the minimum, this is where they make their money, so don’t charge what you can’t pay off in full.  Pay in full as soon as you get your statement!  Late fees are also subject to being charged interest, and your rates will likely drop if you pay on time for 6 months.

5. Your FICO score is determined by the ratio between these 2 things: your credit limit vs. your current debt.  If you have a $500 limit on a crappy card, and you owe $400 on it, your credit is going to suck.  Keep your balances low and your payments regular!

These are just some basics, we could of course go way deeper, which I advise you to do!  Any questions, feel free to post them, I’ll try and address whatever I can!