Advice Column

The whole purpose of SurvivetheClub.com is to provide stripper tips in order to help dancers increase their profit, save their money, and maintain their sanity while working in the club.  It is so important to me that we create a network of women who can help each other, so I figured instead of just posting articles, I should do an advise column also.  Here you will see the questions that have been emailed to me along with my responses. The questions are posted in pink and my responses in blue.  Happy hustling, become a stripper you are proud to be!

Changing with Age

So ive come across some new things that i really didnt have to deal with back in the days. Not sure if its the club im currently at or what. But im getting alot of guys who want to take me out for breakfast or want to just plain fuck in the lap dance room. As for the ones who want to take me to breakfast i pretty much walk away after that. The other i sit and talk an try to get them to do a dance an not say that i will fuck them cause i wont! I just want the dance. These are only some of the new issues i have been running into! I know some girls get a guy back there an they stay back there i ask what they say an its no diff than what i say an i only get 2 dances at times. I also can hear what other dancers say while they talk to their customers like i said no diff what i say but something is obviously diff once they go inthe back room. My goal is to keep them back there. Also im hoping to get out of this club soon cause i feel i need to be in topless in my old age lol any advice would be very much appreciated thank u for taking the time to read this.  

Natalia

Hi N-

I don’t know you, so I am not sure exactly what the issue is here.  If you are at an extras club and ALL the girls provide extras, then that’s the problem.  If that isn’t the case there are a couple things that getting older in the industry does to your money if you aren’t careful. 

I am going to assume you started dancing on your 18th birthday, which may or may not be true.  If you’ve been dancing for 10 years, that would put you at my age.  I can definitely sympathize with having to change/up my hustle as I’ve gotten older, and if it’s you, not the club, then there are some things you need to do in order to not be typecast as an extras girl.

The best advise I can give is to look expensive.  Young girls can get away with being train wrecks.  They don’t need to be highly stylized, their makeup doesn’t need to be done properly, their skin can be kind of awful.  They even look cute kind of chubby, but that changes as we get older.  Young girls have a really demure, innocent, and “unseasoned” thing on their side.  A career dancer like yourself has to play by stricter rules as to not look cheap.  Cheap is cute on a “fly by night” stripper, but you are a pro, you need to look and act like one, or you are just an old girl who can’t hold a real job so is stuck at the strip club.  (I’m not saying that’s true, I’m saying that’s what theses idiots think)  Guys can sense that you are really comfortable in the club, that you know what you’re doing.  If you’ve been dancing for a decade, there is no fear for you.  That attracts an extras customer, he knows what he wants, and the likelihood of getting it from a 19 year old is MUCH slimmer than getting it from a dancer who has been around the block before–they are looking for desensitization.  

 If I were you, I would perfectionist out for a little bit.  I’d hit the gym hard, make sure my skin looked great, invest in some new outfits (black lace, little dresses, lingerie sets, thigh highs with garters–nothing skanky–NO NEON!)  I would really “gentleman’s club” my look, watch my posture, make sure I was perfect every night.  No more ponytails, triangle tops, g strings, fishnet.  I would cut my liquor intake to 1-2 glasses of wine per night and only if a customer offers.  Don’t buy your own drinks, it’s unnecessary and it says to a customer, “I need to be drunk for what I’m about to do.”  

 I would also act younger.  You are 25 from now on, and no, you don’t have a boyfriend.  Maybe change your name to something youthful (I have a list here).  A new name alone will change your hustle and make you feel all shiny and new.  What you need is to hit the reset button, forget how common your job seems to you, and not spend too much time with any one customer without getting money.  They are going to think you are waiting to make the “big sale.”  You set your worth, and what you put out determines your customer base.  If the people who are coming to you seem trashy, it’s probably a result of the look/vibe you’re putting out.  

 I know it sucks being told that you aren’t a baby anymore, but the highest earners at every club I’ve ever worked at are 28+.  You are about to be in your prime, so don’t forget everything you’ve learned, play up your looks, play up your personality, and read a good sales book.  The best is yet to come!

xx

Chase

New Dancer

Hello Survive The Club,

I am recently out of a job and have been unable to acquire a new one for the past two months. I am considering taking up dancing, but do not exactly have a ton of moves. I am wondering what skill level I should expect to compete with at your run of the mill Penthouse or cabaret, mostly topless clubs. I have never danced at gentleman’s club before or even been into one. I am nervous that if I audition or land a job, I will have nothing more to do than shake my hips and butt. Should I be worried about this as a new dancer? Or will the skills come gradually? Or should I really be worried?! Thanks, Lola

Hi Lola,

Thank you so much for your email, I am working on a book right now that will cover all of this information, so definitely keep an eye out for that, but I certainly would not want you going in to a club with no idea what to do, so I will give you some excerpts from the chapter on taking up dancing.  You should definitely go to the places you are considering dancing at as a customer first, check them out, and make sure you are OK with what is going on in them.   You should also read this article:

http://www.survivetheclub.com/2012/09/01/should-i-be-a-stripper/ 

Stripper skill level ranges from brand new to seasoned pro, as we all started at different times and we come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and experience levels.   Honestly, unless you are classically trained as a dancer or gymnast, chances are you will look kind of dumb on stage to the rest of the girls.  That’s ok, each and every one of us had a first shift, and it’s a memory most of us choose not to remember.  You just need to get through it, do your best, and HAVE FUN.  The girls are going to clown on you either way, but the customers won’t!  Customers LOVE a new girl, so go up there and smile and put on your best “girl next door” act, have a good time, dance to the songs you have been saying, “If I ever were to become a stripper, I would totally dance to this!” forever about, and dance like no one is watching.  Alternatively, if you are a bit shy, practice some sexy poses in the mirror (arch your back, roll around on the ground).  DON’T do anything you can’t do, ie: try and spin around the pole, or pop your butt (if you live in the US, butt tricks are common) the pole is harder than it looks and popping your butt wrong just makes you look like you are hacking up a hairball. Definitely don’t let anyone get you down, sometimes they will try, but you are going to be great if you want to be!  

You can always pick up a waitressing shift to get used to the environment if you are still unsure.  Waitresses do quite well and don’t live with the social stigma that we dancers do!  

Whatever you decide, good luck and please keep coming back!  I will gladly answer every question you have 🙂

xx

Chase Kelly

Parent Trap

Help!  I’m at a turning point here.  i’m about to turn 20 i’ve been dancing for about a year and a half.  i live at home with my siblings and both parents and have working a couple min. wage jobs while dancing (as cover jobs mostly).  i just need to decide whether or not I want to keep dancing, when it is becoming very prevalent that I cannot hide it from my peers and since i have siblings who went to the same highschool as me, I cannot hide it from them much longer either, if I continue to dance.  I know my family will not understand, simple because I have no reason to need to dance.  I have over $5,000 saved in a TFSA and now that I’ve grown into my own hustle, I can easy make a grand a week.  I do not pay rent and the only expense I have is my $50 phone bill and my eating/drinking/entertainment habits.  Do you believe that dancing and the stigma around it will only affect my life negatively if I let it?  I mean I know my family wouldn’t understand, and would assume that something is wrong… that I am being taken advantage of and assaulted, etc.  but I don’t know how to explain to them that I generally really like my job. and I’m sorry if their ashamed by me and wouldn’t want people to know what I do, but I don’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong.  especially now that my club wants us to wear (min. length at the thigh) dresses, at least if someone I know comes in they don’t just see me half naked right away.  should I be open to siblings about what I do before they might hear it about me from their peers?  I have brothers so I feel like if they hear it form someone else first it might make them angrier.

Thank you so much,

C

Hey girl-

Ugh…sounds like you’re going through it.  I really feel for you.  It’s hard being young and trying to figure out your place in your family vs. your place in the world.  My advice to you would be to listen to your heart.  Do YOU think something is wrong?  Do you feel like you are being taken advantage of?  Generally, do you like your life?  Which do you value more, your family’s opinion of you, or your freedom?  

I think you should choose between living with your parents or dancing…with the amount of money you can make dancing, I don’t see any reason for being dependent on others…it’s a great opportunity to learn to be self sufficient and a really good lesson in frugality.  You will learn to live below your means in order to save money (if you keep your head on right) and you can build yourself a lovely future that way, HOWEVER be very wary of taking care of others.  When dancers venture off on their own from their moms and dads, they often start nurturing others to fill the void.  Do not pay anyone else’s bills.  Do not loan people sums greater than $50.  Do not get a boyfriend who doesn’t have a job.  Remember what it takes for you to earn that money.  Everyone you know has the same options and choices you do, and you choose to work hard, sacrifice your reputation, and objectify yourself.  That money is YOURS and yours only.  

On the other hand, if you really would be shattered to have your family think less of you, maybe a big girl job would be better for you?  

No matter what, even if you move out I say always keep your “cover jobs.”  The break in your resume really hurts when you dance full time, it’s hard to get people to trust your wok ethic…plus it’s better for tax reasons and for answering the ever recurring “what do you do?” question.  The big question is what are your life goals?  How do you want the world to see you, and how do you want to see yourself?  Ultimately, your parents will almost always forgive you, but your brothers might have a really hard time with it.  You are going to need to have a very strong heart to be able to hear the things they will say about you if/when they find out, but please remember that they are only saying these evil things out of fear and confusion, not out of hatred.  People do not understand our lifestyle or why we do what we do (sometimes I wonder if we even understand), but the reality is that you are in control of your life.  If you are determined to succeed, you will.   

The path you choose is going to be yours and yours only.  If you truly love what you do, I say never give it up for anybody or anything.  If it is passing the time and you are only doing it for money, well…maybe people first, money second.  

Being 20, you and your parents are both going through the “baby-grown up” phase, where it’s scary to go out and fly on your own, plus the guilt trips and comfort of “home” make it impossible to make a get away.

In the end, the club isn’t going anywhere.  When in doubt, wait it out.  You can take a break from dancing, get your head straight and then go back…OR you can just be upfront, mature, and honest and hope for the best.  If that’s the route you take, you should set up your own living arrangements first and speak honestly and respectfully about your decisions and why you are making them.  

Personally, I started dancing at 24, and I am glad I waited.  I don’t see anything wrong with pressing pause when shit is confusing….sounds like you have a nice savings and will be OK to wait a little while before making any moves in either direction.  I say spend some sleepless nights writing in your journal and answering as many questions you can possibly think of.  Make pros and cons lists, get all your thoughts out, organize your brain, and make the best decision for yourself.  Do not let anyone else dictate for you what your life journey should look like…you will waste half of the trip looking at the map and never seeing the beautiful sights.  

I hope I can be of some help.  These kinds of dilemmas can feel pretty lonely.  I’m always here to hash shit out with!  

 X

Chase Kelly

SurvivetheClub.com

Making Friends

Dear SurvivetheClub,

is it ok to make friends? I know not to be too trusting and all that but have you made friends while dancing?

Love,

Alone here in stripper land 

Dear Alone-

YES!

Make friends.  I am your friend.
Just remember that the people you spend most of your time with are the people you will end up acting like!  We are pack animals and our behaviour is influenced by one another, so be picky about who you make friends with, not just at the club, but everywhere.

It is going to be integral to your mental health to have women who understand what you are going through.  The biggest thing missing from the strip club is community!  We can’t be successful in changing the stigma if we all operate independently, so we need to embrace an interdependence and come to grips with the fact that the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts!  (w00t, gestalt psychology!)

xxx

Chase Kelly

Pros and Cons

Hey Chase,
Can ya do a post about the perks and pros and some tips on being a stripper? i love your blog!!:D ❤ Thanks!  
-WittyBandReference
Whats up, WBR, Here you go:
Pros:
  • financial independence
  • no schedule
  • ability to travel
  • no actual “boss”
  • access to people from all walks of life (get business advice from rich guys!)
  • good place to find investors
  • *can* help your body image, but does not always
  • being part of a community where you can make a big difference (we are all one, don’t forget to support your sisters!)
  • great place to learn about sales
  • teaches you about your boundaries

CONS

  • Can be extremely emotionally damaging if you are not prepared/cut out for it
  • Social stigma
  • Hard to maintain a (healthy) relationship
  • Judgement by family members
  • You have to pay all your taxes on your own
  • Dangerous
  • Can lead to a very idle and toxic lifestyle if you don’t have anything else going on
  • Easy to get addicted to money and/or drugs/alcohol
  • Pimps and bad managers
  • sexual/physical assault by customers
  • has a huge time stamp on it

Not a Barbie

Hi Chase,
I know I don’t have to play the dumb stripper, afterall, I have made great money being myself just talking about the countries I visited,sports,genetics,biology,books and so on.  I also used to do stand up, so I know how to make guys laugh.  I am not the greatest performer on the stage, but I have a great personality, and I take care of my appearence and have a body I am very content with.  I started dancing 3 years ago, took a year off,then came back.  
I used to make between 500-2000 regularly.  Then, something happened.  I started making 300-1000.(and 1000 does not happen often.)
I blamed it in being a brunette and how I used to make more money as a blonde (again the illusion of being dumb) and when I went blonde I blamed it on not having a double d rack (which I would never get huge boobs) or a big ass, I blamed it on being skinny, and I really blame it on how tall I am.
Then I see my good friend who has no boobs,who is almost as tall as me,making bank by complimenting this dude’s dark and curly-MANLY chest hair, or telling a guy  ‘he saw Jesus at the flickering candle at the strip club, maybe he doesn’t like me stripping afterall.’
are you fucking kidding me??
almost everytime. but she can’t work alone and everytime we work together unless I completely act moronic as her,I don’t make much money.
However last week I went alone and made about a grand on a tuesday from the sweetest guy ever.So I guess I got me a regular.
After 2 months of making 300-450 and no more, it felt amazing.
However,it just bums me out how much more and how consistently I make money If I act just as dumb as her and say “lets get cray cray or YOLO”.
Its just really makes me sad how many guys are willing to spend thousands on a hot dumb stripper-because they don’t like to think a stripper is smarter than them and feel intimidated.
I also know there are many men who likes a challange and appreciate smart girls but it seems like not as much…

Please help!  
Aurora

Hi Aurora, 

OK, so it sounds like you are really overcomplicating things.  It is not how you look, how smart or dumb you are, or whatever, it’s that you are 

1) being yourself

2) letting the shift in money effect your self esteem

Remember that these guys are paying for a fantasy, so the reality of you and your emotions is kind of a turn off.  If they wanted real, they would just go home to their wives.  You made easy money in the beginning being yourself simply because everyone does.  The “newness” of a stripper is sexy to guys, because they like scared and fresh.  Perverts!

The answer is to keep it light.  If you are funny, awesome, it should be easy.  You are also breath-takingly gorgeous, so that helps!  Keep them laughing and smiling.  Guys don’t get to smile nearly enough in real life, and that’s what they are there for.  Dumb is a really good way to keep it light, it’s why some girls choose it as their character, but if you are smart and witty, you can keep it light much better!  Remember, the more of yourself that you offer, the higher the chance is that you will give someone something that turns them off, whether it’s because you just arent their type, or bring back bad memories, or just remind them of their daughter, wife, sister, etc.  The less they know about you, the better, almost always!  

The key is to ask questions about them.  The ego stroking that your friend provides is brilliant, she clearly isn’t dumb at all.  I always find something really nice about the guy Im sitting with.  Anything that you can say to make them feel masculine is great, so hairy chests, jawlines, height (I love saying, “Oh my god, babe, youre so BIG!” because it always gets a great reaction.)  Also if you can learn about men’s clothing, it helps too.  I go shop the men’s department at saks and neimans all the time, just so I have some knowledge and can say “OMG That shirt is amaaaazing.  It feels so nice!” when I know they have spent a small fortune on it.  It makes them feel like it was worth the purchase, and making them feel worthy of anything melts them right into your palm.

On top of faking it for your moneys sake, you should fake who you are a little bit for your own sake.  When your blonde friend gets turned down, it probably doesn’t bother her so much, because it’s her character that is getting shot down, not her real self.  She can shift her character at any time, but who she is follows her.  Your real self isn’t safe at the club, you should keep it hidden.  Yes, guys will be intimidated by your intelligence, but that is so wonderful!  You are going to be able to use that brain in so many great ways to climb the ladder of success in the real world, and although you DO use your pretty little brain in the club, its best not to flaunt it.  What good is your best weapon if the enemy knows you have it?

Here are some things I have posted on handling customers, maybe they will help?

http://www.survivetheclub.com/2012/09/13/making-a-regular/

http://www.survivetheclub.com/2012/09/01/what-my-money-customers-say-about-me/

http://www.survivetheclub.com/2012/09/01/evolution-of-a-stripper/ (this one is good for realizing how your attitude effects your money)

You are going to break a grand at least once this week, and twice next week.  Keep your mind on the sale and not what to say next, and you will be golden!

xxxx

Chase Kelly

 

7 responses to Advice Column

  1. 

    Hi Chase,

    I am 20 and am going to start dancing soon and am really looking forward to the many benefits of the job. However, I do have a few concerns…The thing I’m most worried about is safety. Do u have any advice about leaving the club after work at night walking to your car in the parking lot? Should i carry pepper-spray? Also I cant afford to take taxis and I’ve heard that if you drive your own car to the club you should change the address your license plate is registered to in case of stalkers, but I cant do this because its my parents car. Do I need to worry about potential stalkers or am I just being paranoid? Do the clubs provide security walk outs or should you just walk out with another girl? Have you had any scary safety issues in or outside the club? If so how do you handle them?

    Also I was wondering about doing your own taxes as a stripper. When are you supposed to file them and how do you find an adviser who is inexpensive and trustworthy? Is it okay to wait and pay them after stripping for like eight months or do you have to file them as you go? Usually my dad helps me with financial stuff, but seeing as I will probably have to lie to him about my new job, I don’t know where to turn and I don’t want to get hounded by the irs.

    Anyways thanks for taking the time to read my questions, I saw one of your videos on youtube and found your site and it has been really helpful and inspiring. Keep up the good work!

    Thanks, Emma

  2. 
    Rimmiel Schor June 24, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    Hi,
    I am almost 18 years old and I am planning on stripping. My family is very against it, but is very pressed for money. I don’t mind if they find out, but I know it really has to be worth it. I has taken many dance classes and I am in good shape.

    I guess what I am looking for is a concrete list of things I will need to become successful. This includes types of moves, clothing, hair tips, shoes, anything.

    Your best tips. Thank you so much, I appreciate it a lot.

    Thanks,
    R

    • 

      I think 18 is too young to dance. I think in this case your parents are probably right, and you should just go enjoy your summer and worry about stripping in 4 years or so. Maybe you could think about modeling. 18-22 is perfect for the bikini/lingerie model scene and it can be very lucrative.

  3. 

    I think there needs to be a line drawn when it comes to referring to “older” dancers. I myself started dancing late – at 25 – and I knew one woman who was talked into it at 38! But we lack the long years in the business that dancers who are, say, working 7+ years have. “Older” dancer should refer to one who has danced for 7+ years. Age is irrelevant because attitude is the determining factor.

    Also, an older dancer can wear whatever she wants. If she can rock a ponytail, fishnet or neon, then she should. I know one woman who is clearly pushing 40 who likes neon. Dress for your personality, not your age. Once you consign yourself to “looking older,” no one will believe you to be 25 no matter how many times you lie, and this will drive your sales into the basement.

    Also agree that 18 is too young to dance. In my experiences, girls under 21 have an almost 100% turnover into prostitution. I don’t know a single under-21 who didn’t resort to turning tricks, to be completely honest.

    Disagree about modeling. It is not lucrative for the vast majority of aspiring models. Most places look for ways NOT to pay the models they want, and if you’re short you will never get very far in the business. Fact is, the modeling industry is glutted with wannabes. It is definitely a “buyer’s market,” which drives down the prices for aspiring models. Best investment: an education in an in-demand field like healthcare. Modeling nowadays is a fool’s choice.

    • 

      I do not know where you live but I do not want to go there. My assumption is that very few of the people you are talking about (especially 40 year olds in neon) make more than $600 a night without turning a trick. I started dancing at 24. At 29, I realize big money customers prefer a woman in rhinestones and black lace unless she is very youthful. Dancers who have more life experience look classier and speak to a gentlemanly clientele if they look like ladies. If they look like 45 year olds in hot pink fishnet, well–they will attract customers, but not whales.

      Girls who are 18 shouldnt dance because they need a chance at youth and to learn adult responsibility and about budgeting, not because they will become whores. That is an absurd suggestion.

  4. 

    Hi I’ve been dancing for 3 years now . And Ive been dealing with several of girls in my life. A few days ago I turned 21 so I decided to leave the 18+ clubs and go to the 21+ and I love it. It’s my third day and I’m making a lot of money ! But there’s one thing that kind of bothers me. There’s this girl who has been really mean to me for no reason and I don’t know her at all! Last night she came up to me while I was with a customer and said B**** come here ! Yes she really did I found that so disrespectful and un classy I had no choice but to get up because if I didn’t she would’ve kept bothering me and my client. We talked in the bathroom things got worse so I just walked out like I said I’m new and I’ve been in plenty of fights before with girls and got fired and I promised myself that when I get this job I wasn’t going to let anyone take this away from me so please tell me how I can deal with this girl!

    • 

      You have to keep pushing through it, girl. The meanest girls at the club I worked at in Texas when I started ended up being almost friends when I go back. Don’t argue, don’t fight, just ignore her no matter what. If she is mean to you, just try and ignore it the best you can. If you ever see her upset or something, do something to try and help, but other than that, lay low. Do not insult her, she will eventually get over it. You won’t be new forever and she’ll move onto a new target. Im so sorry this is happening to you, and in a perfect world mean girls wouldn’t exist, but they do. Do not feed the trolls.
      Hope this helps!
      xx
      CK

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