Archives For money

The thing that I hear strippers complain most about and also probably is the most emotionally draining part of the job (when you first start stripping, at least) is that guys insist on touching, grabbing, pinching, licking, biting, and blowing on you.  Not only does it feel like a complete violation of your bits, it’s also really ridiculous for a guy to expect to touch you like that for a measly $20.  Once upon a time, strippers could just dominate guys out of doing that, and sometimes the dominatrix act even made them more money–but this isn’t the nineties.  These days there are LOTS of entertainers and way fewer fetishists in the clubs.  There are tons of lawsuits (don’t believe me, google it), and the popular image of women has shifted back to “fun girl” from “fierce girl.”  Beating a guy off of you and yelling at him is going to hurt your money, especially if the dances at your club are on the floor where other guys could witness it.  No matter WHO was in the wrong, you are going to look like the crazy one.  He isn’t insane for trying to touch you.  You are hot, he is a dog.  He can’t help it–so use your grace and charm and smile to keep your boundaries firm.

A young girl I used to dance with would jump up and say, “OMG, I just really didn’t expect you to touch me like that!”  and guys would feel awful.  They would see her as a “good girl” and many would pay her for her time after that.

I like to say, “Oh no baby, you can’t touch me like that out here, I’ll get in trouble.  We have private rooms though, where we can get a little closer.”   Next thing you know I am in a VIP room, and I honestly spend the majority of the time talking.

Does yelling at him to sit on his hands save you?  Yeah, it does, for that song, but the likelihood of that guy stacking dances with you diminishes (and if he likes you enough to lick your nasty stage body, he likes you enough to spend money on you) the second you cop an attitude.  Successful strippers know that keeping his desire alive is what makes him pay you and it’s what makes him upgrade.  Biting his head off might make you feel better for the moment, but controlling your impulses is integral to boosting your sales.  You might hate this guy right now, but if you handle things with finesse and grace, you just might end up turning your horny dog into the guy who pays your rent every month.

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Despite the cash that is overflowing from their coach bags, most strippers have a fair amount of unmanaged debt that they do not know what to do with.   Borrowing money is part of our culture, and since most everyone we know is drowning in debt, maybe you jumped on the bandwagon of irresponsibility.  Maybe you got screwed in interest, and now you’re paying 10 times as much as you spent originally, now you are taking a stand against them and vow not to pay them at all.  Maybe you are a little lazy and paying them means doing a bunch of things you don’t feel like doing right now, but you swear you’ll do it “later,” and maybe you think you are being good, you pay all your bills on time, but you pay the minimum due and your balances never seem to go down?  (Maybe you have no debt at all and this post doesn’t apply to you, in which case, please comment how you managed your debt and give yourself a hug!)

Whatever the reason is, if you carry ANY debt as a dancer you are doing yourself a grave injustice.  Strippers should be investing and MAKING money in interest on all the cash we make (even if you’re a low earning stripper, you can be providing for your future more capably now than possibly ever.)  Right now, you make the cash that it costs to earn a Ph.D.  Even if you have NO IDEA what you want your future to be like, trust that one day a plan will show itself to you (please watch this video).  Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to quit dancing and dedicate 40 hours a week towards YOUR DREAM?  You don’t have to run in the rat race like everyone else.  If you pay off your debts and manage your money, you can live the life you want to live, without many of the limitations that keep people down.  You don’t need to have a plan for the rest of your life right this instance to prepare yourself for a comfortable life, and there’s something you can do RIGHT NOW instead of browsing the internet to improve your life.

IF YOU PAY OFF YOUR DEBTS AND SAVE YOUR MONEY, THE LIFE YOU WANT IS YOURS, so the first step is to gather a list of all the people who you owe money to.  If this seems daunting, just answer every blocked call, 800 number, or unknown call for a month or two.  Also, check the mail daily and open everything that looks like a bill the second you get it.  Write down all of the information from each-what you owe, whether the account is in collections, if not, what the interest is on the balance, and how much they want from you.  Then start going through them one by one.  Lots of places will settle your debt for less, and if it’s in collections I say do that.

Please don’t go getting student loans, either.  If you have one, pay it off, if you don’t, get on a payment plan, work more shifts, put a little more work into refining your hustle so you make more money, and pay for school up front.  “Dancing your way through college” is a bullshit excuse for what you’re doing if you are graduating with the same debt as your cousin who works at Whole Foods.  Don’t take loans for ANYTHING but a home if you can avoid it (which you can).

I am not a financial advisor, but there are ton’s of books on debt management that can help you.  I definitely recommend Suze Orman, I got through all of my debt while reading Women and Money.  Lots of the advice in personal finance books don’t apply to dancers because we make cash, but paying off your debts is a must for all people, it just so happens that it’s actually POSSIBLE for strippers.  The bottom line is, even though you can’t see it, the interest on those cards is eating away at your hard earned money.  These credit card companies are in business to make LOTS of money off of you, and if you aren’t paying attention, they will.  Carry a low balance on your cards, and pay it in full each month.  Don’t borrow money you don’t have.  Save.  Pay for everything you have up front.  I never tell someone to “bill me.”  and ALWAYS pay cash when possible.

I will post more on earning back interest with IRAs, savings accounts, and mutual funds later on, but while you wait, pick up the phone and cancel that Victoria’s Secret Card.

xxx

Chase

related post: Control your Credit

 

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I was talking to an industry friend today about ploys to make money, and how strippers manipulate customers into spending.  My friend, who has been dancing for a year, said that it’s a guaranteed good night if you say it’s your first day. I have known strippers who have a birthday every month, and those who have made up elaborate crises on a weekly basis to get money. While I know that it’s true that these things DO work short term, I have found that in the long term it really messes with you and your money to use hard lies like that to hook customers in, not to mention the type of customer it attracts.

This kind of money is “easy come, easy go” money.  Fortune favors those who show it respect.  I love money, truly and deeply.  I treat it like I treat a lover.  I protect it, spend it on things I truly cherish, collect it in neat stacks, NEVER waste it, but loving the money isn’t enough.  You have to love the source.  Imagine you had a chicken who laid eggs made out of gold (bear with me here), if you fed the hen hormones to make it lay more often, shocked it into laying cycles by starving it or dehydrating it, you would get more eggs for a little while, but eventually, your hen would die or the quality of the eggs would suffer.  Your customers WANT to give you money, they are already going to do it, but if you treat them poorly and milk them too often (switching barnyard animals), eventually they will be drained.  Not only will they stop responding to you, but they may avoid the clubs all together from then on, labeling strippers as “manipulative, lying, thieving assholes” who don’t deserve love, attention, or financial help.  For the good of your money and the good of the lovely people in this industry, don’t paint us that way!

The strip club offers you a marvelous opportunity to meet people who can and will definitely help you in your future.  Business men from all over the world hang out in strip clubs, looking to find that perfect stripper to give their money and affection to.  If that person is you, and you make a goal of showing that person a good time, letting them get to know you a little, and building a relationship based on trust vs. manipulation, you can keep these guys.  Don’t be so cocky to think that you will magically “find” this right guy if you don’t show respect for your customers.  The rich guys will pass right over you, whales know a snake when they see one.  If they are suckers and fail to see it, in time your true colors will show and they will either become hopelessly addicted to you (check back tomorrow for an article on this), or leave you in the dust.  If  you are a snake, will be stuck nickel and dime-ing suckers for your entire career, eventually getting too old to make money that way (or any way) and you will have built NONE of the sales techniques that stripping provides, which are the things that qualify us so well for PR, marketing, entrepreneurship, psychology, public speaking, sales, and countless other “customer centered” business ventures later in our lives.

When you don’t respect your money, and you don’t respect your clientele, your money doesn’t stick to you.  Although the strip club seems like a place where all the laws of nature stop applying, it’s not true.  Karma is real in all places.  If you are an asshole, life will be shitty to you.  If you are good and genuine, life will be good to you.

Like I’ve said a million times before, your habits determine who you are, and while “hustling” might get you ahead for the moment, being manipulative will in the long term destroy your money AND your character.  Am I saying never lie?  Of course not.  White lies protect your identity, your safety, and your privacy.  (Read Maintaining your Privacy)

Are some of the guys in the club assholes who deserve to be robbed?  Maybe.  I guess there are quite a few bad apples in the club, but in my experience avoiding these customers all together rather than ripping them off seems to improve my overall mental health, which I think is the most important thing, but the other thing I want thing to stress here is that without lying (much), without stealing, manipulating, or selling hard extras, my money has actually improved quite a bit over time, and I rarely have to “hustle.”  It’s so often that I have a regular who I don’t even dance for.  I just hang out and have a good time, tell jokes, and laugh.  I have one customer in particular who I have stayed close with for YEARS who still regularly gives me money, often times without even seeing him.  I have countless others who I could call if I ever really WAS in a bind (unlikely).  They will always be there for me because they know I won’t take advantage of them.  I won’t fake a crisis to get money, I will respect them, care about their well-being, and stay in touch.  When these customers “help” me, it’s with my tuition, my car payment, putting new tires on my vehicle, vet bills, etc.  I don’t fake things, and I CERTAINLY don’t create crises in order to sucker someone.  Don’t purposely ruin your life so someone will feel like they need to save you.  That logic is so illogical, that I can’t even call it logic.
Everyone knows that all regulars have a shelf life, but how do some girls keep their regulars for years?  How do the hose people you have heard of who have gotten houses and cars?  They have built relationships that last with people who are happy to help.  When you are the kind of person who exploits people’s loneliness to make a cheap buck, you poison yourself and your golden egg-layin’ hen.  When you share a moment, uplift your customer, and see yourself as a positive force, you are nourishing your hen, ensuring that it lives a long life, and maybe even survives long enough to support you during a career change.

You’re easier to love if you’re a good person all the time.  Your actions define you to your customers AND to your real life friends.  Make them virtuous, you will be happier.

xx

Chase

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Maintaining your Privacy

Chase Kelly —  September 28, 2012 — 8 Comments

Once you become a stripper, your privacy means more to you than most anything else.  When you share your ‘private parts,’ your private information takes on a whole new meaning to you.  It is easy to get angry with a prying customer; even “What’s your real name?” has set me off a few times.  This week alone I have been asked what part of town I live in on two separate occasions, and what my last name was once.  I get asked my last name quite often, actually, because my strip club character is 100% Italian, people want to hear my funny last name.  The most obnoxious thing about the prying is probably the civilian obsession with the industry as a subculture.  I don’t really want to explain the inner workings of sex work to a customer.  If you want to know how to be a stripper, read my website.  The more your customer knows, the less advantage you have, but talking is key and this is where they want to lead the conversation.  To formulate a plan, I did some research.

I think the most important part of sales, especially when you are learning how to be a stripper, is the ability to understand your client’s needs, and so instead of incessantly worrying about my own, I started considering where he was coming from.  Instead of the instinctual, “Why the fuck are you asking me this?” I started asking myself, “I wonder why he’s asking me this?” and the answer appeared, right under my nose.

Just like women, men want intimacy, and despite popular belief, they too know that intimacy is more than just sex. 

Sometimes guys just want to get to know the person that is grinding on them, it alleviates the guilt of objectifying someone’s little girl.  Now, please don’t think I am saying all customers feel guilty, but some do, and those are usually your money customers AND the ones who will treat you with the most respect.  These true gentlemen are your bread and butter, so don’t push them away!  This certainly isn’t stripper 101, but it’s something every stripper should know how to do.

My natural hustle turned out to be the best one and I am so glad I returned full circle to it.  When I first started bartending in strip clubs, I was 18 and I was worried about my safety, so I made up a story.  I used my real name, but I told people that I traveled 2 hours from upstate New York to work, because I didn’t want anyone to find out.  I formulated a fake hobby (horse back riding) and was going to school (I lied about which) and explained that it was why I worked in the industry, to fund my passions of intellectual success and equestrianism.  My candidness and sweetness set me apart from the other girls in the club who would protectively withdraw.  Even now that I have become a stripper, I still see those customers every time I go back home (about once a year, and it’s been 10 years since I was their bartender).  Although I don’t get much money from them, I appreciate their loyalty and their welcoming smiles; it definitely ups my hustle!

A girlfriend of mine was telling me that she admits to customers that her stripper name is not her real name, but when pressured, refuses to give out her “real name.”  Man, I know you want to establish your dominance; I understand the desire to be frank with guys.  During my first year actually dancing, I threw away my hustle for chaos and would even say things like, “It doesn’t matter, you don’t care about that, let’s just treat this like the transaction it is,” and although those guys usually still would get dances, they rarely stack them, and they NEVER become regulars.  This kind of hard ass, protective mentality makes you seem wounded, jaded, rude, cold, and ugly.  Guys want to see you shine.  YOU want to shine–So shine!

Say your real name is your dancer name, and that fake names are so 90’s, or have a fake real name on deck!  Chase Kelly is my dancer name, and Chase is short for my real name, Chastity.  Still sound strippery?  It’s ok.  Lot’s of girls have stripper names in real life.  Why isn’t my name italian?  I’m adopted.  Duh.

All you have to do is formulate a character.  It will make your life SO much easier.  Keep it consistent so you never have to remember who you told what.  Your stripper character should be as much like real life you as possible in personality, but all the details should be changed to protect your identity entirely.  You will feel protected, because now you are selling your character’s identity and time instead of your own, the customer will be pleased because he will feel like he is getting some special part of you that the other guys don’t, and you will have been morally sound throughout the entire process, despite your white lies.  These guys know that we are actresses as much as they want to deny it, so act, but do it well enough that they CAN deny it.
Happy hustling, ladies.

Chastity “Chase” Kelly

How to be a stripper is not all you need to know when it comes to the industry.  If you have been dancing for 5 years or 5 days, you need to write your exit plan, starting today.  It is automatic to become accustomed to stripper money and require it to survive.  Even if you are one of the low earners at your club, chances are you have the ability to make more now than you would if left to rely on your other resources.  Isn’t that why you chose dancing, come to think of it?

Your exit plan is simple, it consists of 4 things:
-How much money does it cost me to live?
-If I weren’t dancing, what would I like to be doing to earn money?
-What does it take in order to actually “do” step 2?
-How much does it cost to “do” step 2?
Answering these questions is the first step to actually making your dreams come true.  No matter how much you are enjoying dancing today, we need to loudly state that this is not your life goal.  For years I wanted to be a stripper when I grew up.  Now that I am a grown up stripper, I realize that the future of this industry just isn’t for me.  Dancer into my 30’s?  Sounds palatable enough, but dancer into my 40’s just in’t* gonna work.
The reality is that this job is stressful and dangerous.  While I hope nothing bad ever happens in your dancing career, or in your life for that matter, it’s important to be realistic.  Bad things happen to everyone, and this job can create you a safety net to help get you through the really awful things, some of which are brought on because of the job itself.
The day my dad died, I swear I wish I could have traded in my gucci shoes for a flight to Phoenix to be with my mom, but Southwest doesn’t accept scuffed flats for flights.  I had no money and no plan to deal with the hardship I was going through.  I had to dance that entire month to pay my bills.  The same thing happened when I got mugged on my way home from work, and when I went through my big breakup, and after I went past my limits with a customer and had a breakdown.  I can’t tell you what it’s like to have to give even one  lap dance when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.  Having to do it night after night so you don’t end up homeless is unbearable.  UNFUCKINGBEARABLE.
PLEASE, don’t do this to yourself.  If nothing else, prepare for 3 months of living expenses.  3 months is the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM amount of time you’d need away from dancing if god forbid something awful happened to you.  Going back to work when you aren’t ready can cause extreme mental damage, even if you aren’t aware of it at the time.  Hindsight is 20/20 and I am here to tell you that you will need to undo that damage if you insist on inflicting it upon yourself.  Sometimes, it can never be undone.  If you want to really do something amazing for yourself, please email me.  I will walk you through the foundation of the program I am writing for you guys.  It’s not finished yet, but I can help you get on the path now if you can’t wait another second.
Lack of planning led me down a very dark tunnel that landed me in a very dark pit of despair.  Even if you think dancing doesn’t affect you on an emotional level, all it takes is one small shift to change that forever.  The entire reason I write this blog is because I want to help you avoid the pain I put myself through.  Girls like us, we just didn’t have anyone to show us how to do it right.  Instead of beating yourself up, instead of feeling hopeless or stuck, take just one simple step to give you some strength.  Get yourself a savings going and use it to fuel your way out of this place, once you’ve milked it for everything it has to offer you.
*I just created an even lazier way to say “ain’t,” which is either indicative of me being an extreme over achiever, or on the flip side, an extreme under achiever.  Food for thought.

 

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Making a Regular

Chase Kelly —  September 13, 2012 — 2 Comments

Anyone who dances knows that the best money comes from being a stripper who attracts regulars.  I want to tell you how I do it.

The other night I had a customer the who was really sweet.

He had been going through a really hard time.  A bad divorce, some time locked up, lost his kid to his ex, working 60 hours a week at a job he hated, and NO strip club experience/etiquette.  Typically an annoying guy, but since it was early on a Sunday, the club was really slow, I decided to go talk to him.  It seemed like everyone was avoiding him because he was sitting in a kind of unapproachable spot, but I assume that’s only because he wasn’t really comfortable.  He had heard about my club on the radio and decided to come out for our Sunday happy hour special, which is $10 dances all night.  People with no strip club experience make the perfect regulars, because n one has gotten in there and burned him, given him too much for too little, or fucked him up some other annoying way.  I decided it was a perfect opportunity to take on the project of converting him to my regular.

I was really sweet and patient, showed him a great time, gave him some heartfelt advice, and took 2 shots with him (a serious limit for me).  On $10 dance nights I still always charge $20, but a lot of customers who hear the ad expect to pay the “sale” price.  Here is how I get around that.

“So this is really only your second time at a strip club?  Do you know how it works here?”

Even if he knows, he is going to prompt you to tell him.  He wants to hear your menu.  Dances here are typically $20 anywhere in the club, but options are key.  People gravitate towards the middle ground, so 3 choices is best.

“So, since it’s Sunday, we are running a $10 dance special.  They take place here in your seat, there is absolutely no touching, and I leave my top on.  We can also go against the wall back there, and those are $20.  We also have private VIP dances, which are way more intimate, allow touching, and are really fun.  Which do you think you want to do?”

He chose the $20 dances, and we did a few.  Then I gave him a massage for awhile, and charged $10 a song.  Eventually I excused myself because I was bored of him, and could feel his attention wavering.  The club had picked up, so I went in search of greener pastures.  I knew I showed him a great time and he’d want to see me again, so I offered my email, even though he is FAR from a regular.  It was actually his first time in a club since the 90’s.  Today I received an email from him.  It read as follows:

Hi Chase. Hope all is well with you. This J the guy with the skull

hat. I was there Sunday.   Just wanted to say thanks alot! For taking

your time and talking and being real. You made my night. You and the

drinks got me loosen up. So I went with it and had fun. dance with

others to. Nice place! easy going. Stiil I had best time hanging with

you. Send me a line as to when you work and if its not a work night

Ill come out. dont worry I wont hang on you. I know you need to work.

Thanks very much for your email. very sweet.  Hope to here from you.

take care, have fun.

J

How lovely.  It feels nice to help someone when they are having a hard time.  Sometimes people just want to relax and have fun, and I am lucky to be professional and personable enough that I can feel okay about charging for it.  If you take someone who is down in the dumps for a ride, take all of their money, and treat them like a trick, you are a shithead.  Don’t be a part of the problem, people already think we are thieving whores, that’s why they don’t care when we get raped or murdered.  Being a good person is your responsibility, we need you to help us get the respect we deserve!  I know that I am not a negative thing for this guy, so taking his money is A-OK.  There are lots of occupations in which you get paid to help people, and dancing can definitely be one of them.  It really is one of the more exciting and rewarding parts of the job, to be able to give someone who never gets to smile a great night.  Sooooo I did that for this guy, made a regular, and then got to write an awesome blog about it to share with you all the ins and outs of how to be successful, ethical, and rich young ladies!  How good is life, can you tell me?

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Handling mean customers

Chase Kelly —  September 12, 2012 — 3 Comments

Customers can be pretty cruel.  I have been made fun of for my tattoos, for my skin tone, my age, my natural boobs, my build, and my personality.  It’s unfortunate, but unhappy people need an outlet for their misery, and since it typically backfires to speak to your wife like a piece of shit, it’s not uncommon that men come to the club to treat us that way.  The other day when I was telling my (male) room mate about something a customer said to me that had me really upset, he laughed and said, “Man, I’m gonna come to the strip club and pay a stripper to be really mean to her, that would be awesome.”  Instead of losing it on him, which I really wanted to do, I took it in stride and learned something valuable from his ignorance.  When customers (or anyone, really) treats you like garbage, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.  You cannot take personally the things that are said to you by men you meet in the club.  They really are only there to fulfill their fantasy, which you are a vessel of.  If a customer comes to the club looking to fall in love, and you are his type, he will fall in love with you.  If a customer comes to the club looking to take out his frustrations, you will become the recipient of his anger.

I know you didn’t exactly ask what to do in this situation, but since this is a how-to blog, I am going to take the liberty to tell you how I handle rude customers.

The initial reaction of most dancers is to get upset, or tell the customer to fuck off, or storm off and complain to other customers/dancers, but in my opinion, there are way better options.

Setting aside the fact that some of the best customers ever are ones that have had their nights converted from miserable to awesome, the most important issue here is that by allowing a comment made by one customer to have a domino effect on your evening is counterproductive, so the ABSOLUTE last thing you should do is dwell on it.   There is really no need to tell other dancers about it, unless they are new girls and you are worried about them getting their feelings hurt, or they are pros and you think that they can milk the money out of your curmudgeon.  Any other motive you might have for sharing your negativity is moot.

Telling the customer off is also counterproductive.  Girls love telling off rude customers.  Blowing steam feels good, especially when you are really angry at your job and the way that you are treated, but remember, just like you didn’t like when that rude customer took out his anger on you, you shouldn’t take yours out on him, even if he was incredibly hurtful.  The reality is, that unless he said something specifically meant to victimize you, it’s not worth it.  You are going to lose your cool and take out alllll of the negativity that the strip club put into you on this guy, and you are going to be doing it in plain sight of other customers.  Not only is this a misappropriation of your anger (you might be a great Domme, if you really like flipping out on assholes), but it makes you look like you’re on edge to everyone else.  Strippers are tough, we need to show people that we can handle ALL situations gracefully, not that we are fragile, broken little girls who break when someone says something mean to us.  Most of us have been judged all our lives, you can’t possibly say it hurts too bad to be talked down to by someone who pays for sweaty boobs in his face.

On top of it, this shitty dude *might* actually be a good customer (or his friends might be) and just because you don’t want to put up with his negativity, that doesn’t mean someone else can’t.
Some nights, I have no energy for rude customers, and in my younger days, I gave them what they asked for, but these days, when I have the mojo for it, I love those cranky fucks.  If they can avoid getting kicked out of the club by a bouncer for telling a girl that her pussy stinks or something else unnecessary, I can usually have them laughing and throwing money in no time, which turns the grump into a regular.  If we can get someone who hates EVERYTHING to love strip clubs, well then, ladies, we just got a tad bit richer.

The moral of the story is: If you’re the type of woman who loves a challenge: a kind interaction can warm a frigid heart and build you an incredibly generous and loyal customer.  If you don’t want to take on that particular challenge or the guy isn’t worth it, move on, but don’t dwell.  Their negativity isn’t about you, it’s about them.

What to do with your cash

Chase Kelly —  September 3, 2012 — 3 Comments

I saw a post the other night that reminded me of what it was like before I had a system in place for handling my cash.  I remember the state of fear around my money, never knowing what to do with it.  When you don’t know what to do with your cash, the short answer is to spend it as quickly as possible.  Having a system in place will make you feel SO much more relaxed and confident and will help your savings grow MUCH faster!

IF you are a tax-paying stripper, you should open a savings account with a high interest rate, like an ING account and certain money market accounts (check out http://www.bankrate.com for the best ones in your area).  Dancing when you are young can make you a VERY rich woman later in life if you play your cards right, so if you are stacking back lots of cash, consider going the bank route.

That being said, I think we can all agree that banks can be pretty awful.  Credit Unions can be a really great alternative, but if you still can’t get down or are evading your taxes for some reason (I did this by accident for years…just too drunk and stupid to get it together, but it was an AWFUL idea).  If you are a are a cash girl you lose TONS of money on interest, but cash feels powerful, so if you want to keep it at home, make sure you do it safely.  Keeping your cash at home is a great feeling and totally fine until you have a “real” amount of cash.  At some point, it is just no longer safe to hoard it in your home without locking it down.  Keeping your cash in a drawer or under your mattress is not safe ever.  Most robberies are committed by people you know, and being a dancer, people know you have a lot of cash.  You NEED a safe.  Make sure it is fireproof, waterproof, and can be bolted to the ground.  Don’t tell people where your safe is (any fancy jewelry should live in there when you aren’t wearing it also.)

Not only will this safe make you feel, well…safer, but you will feel great going home and unlocking your safe to stuff cash in it.  If you think rolling it up and putting it in a jar in the pantry feels good, wait til you experience the magic of unlocking your safe.  Don’t get the cheap one, either.  You can start with a walmart safe until you have a couple G’s, but move it to a real one when you have a sizable amount of cash.  At that point you might as well use your little cheapy one as a “dummy” safe to fake out any possible intruders.

Another alternative is the safety deposit box, which can be rented at any bank.  Remember that the IRS does have access to any bank boxes if you were to ever get audited (happens!)