Archives For poise

The thing that I hear strippers complain most about and also probably is the most emotionally draining part of the job (when you first start stripping, at least) is that guys insist on touching, grabbing, pinching, licking, biting, and blowing on you.  Not only does it feel like a complete violation of your bits, it’s also really ridiculous for a guy to expect to touch you like that for a measly $20.  Once upon a time, strippers could just dominate guys out of doing that, and sometimes the dominatrix act even made them more money–but this isn’t the nineties.  These days there are LOTS of entertainers and way fewer fetishists in the clubs.  There are tons of lawsuits (don’t believe me, google it), and the popular image of women has shifted back to “fun girl” from “fierce girl.”  Beating a guy off of you and yelling at him is going to hurt your money, especially if the dances at your club are on the floor where other guys could witness it.  No matter WHO was in the wrong, you are going to look like the crazy one.  He isn’t insane for trying to touch you.  You are hot, he is a dog.  He can’t help it–so use your grace and charm and smile to keep your boundaries firm.

A young girl I used to dance with would jump up and say, “OMG, I just really didn’t expect you to touch me like that!”  and guys would feel awful.  They would see her as a “good girl” and many would pay her for her time after that.

I like to say, “Oh no baby, you can’t touch me like that out here, I’ll get in trouble.  We have private rooms though, where we can get a little closer.”   Next thing you know I am in a VIP room, and I honestly spend the majority of the time talking.

Does yelling at him to sit on his hands save you?  Yeah, it does, for that song, but the likelihood of that guy stacking dances with you diminishes (and if he likes you enough to lick your nasty stage body, he likes you enough to spend money on you) the second you cop an attitude.  Successful strippers know that keeping his desire alive is what makes him pay you and it’s what makes him upgrade.  Biting his head off might make you feel better for the moment, but controlling your impulses is integral to boosting your sales.  You might hate this guy right now, but if you handle things with finesse and grace, you just might end up turning your horny dog into the guy who pays your rent every month.

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Getting Unstuck

Chase Kelly —  October 15, 2012 — 1 Comment

If you have become a stripper that really can’t handle life or responsibilities, it’s time to come clean with yourself.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you want to be a stripper to help you get through a tough financial time, or if you want to be a stripper to help you achieve your goals, pay for school, start a company, etc.  There is not even anything wrong with being a stripper simply because you like it!  Often times, though, all being a stripper does for girls is support their dysfunction.  If you are one of these girls, it’s best that you at least admit the problem.  It may seem weird, awful, uncomfortable, and a huge affront to your self-esteem to admit that you simply cannot function in modern society, but truly, the first step in fixing a problem is identifying it.  Admitting that you are stuck doesn’t mean that you are doomed for life, it means that you are self-aware, that you have the clarity to admit you need some guidance, and that you at least are aware that your lifestyle could use some tweaking.  Admitting a problem means that you are not insane.  Ignoring it means that you are.

Have you ever met someone who is bat shit crazy and everyone knows it but the actual crazy person (Hi, Mom!)?  That is the result of self-denial.  That is what happens when there is a problem with your personality and you choose to ignore it, say, “It’s fine!” or joke about your bad life decisions.  Like cancer, early detection is the best cure for a diseased lifestyle.  If you catch it, you can change it.  If it goes ignored for too long, though, it spreads like wildfire and mental illness comes in and grabs you.  Let’s not pretend that the strip club will be around forever—eventually we will be too old for this shit.  Let’s also not pretend that crazy people are a scarcity in the industry.  And while we are at it, let’s not be so pompous to think it couldn’t happen to us.  Lifestyle dancing is dangerous because it is unrealistic.  Unless you LOVE the industry and plan to be in the adult industry for the rest of your life (eventually you will have to quit stripping, at which point it will be the cams, porn sites, escorting, or Dommeing) you need to be able to function outside of it.  If the only people who “get you” work in the club, it’s time to reassess.

Some of the problems I see most often are ones that I have myself struggled with from time to time.  Some girls are lazy, can’t get out of bed in the daytime, others literally have no idea what to do with authority-they lack the social skills to follow direction.  Rage issues, no “filter,” inability to maintain a schedule, inability to connect with people, no desire to do anything that doesn’t result in monetary gain, addiction, codependency, and battered women’s syndrome are just SOME of the  many things that strippers have to overcome.  You add a career that encourages your behavior, and managers that turn a blind eye, are completely oblivious, or simply don’t care what happens to you, a peer group that has adopted the “sink or swim” approach to life, and a shit ton of untaxed income, sexual assault and complete disregard for your humanity, and you have a recipe for disaster.  It’s no wonder most all dancers suffer from PTSD at some point.  You are not alone, but you will be if you don’t do something to change the direction of your actions.

Women have SO much more responsibility than men do when it comes to being emotionally stable, if only for one reason.  Most of us are already or will be mothers one day.  We will literally take on the responsibility of another human life at some point, and like many bad moms, those who end up totally crazy won’t even realize it.

I am asking you to take a look at yourself and do something about it if you are one of these girls.  Thinking about it is great, spend some time on that, but start making a plan as soon as you’re ready.  During your thinking process, take notes.  Your journal is your best friend when making life changes.  If your’re writing it down, you are making a commitment.  Do that!  Commitment is good, failure to commit is a really common stripper problem, so now is a great time to work on that.  Start small, do the things you know you SHOULD be doing, but don’t.  Something as simple as keeping your bed made when you aren’t in it, keeping an empty sink, or cleaning up after your pets will bolster your “I can do it!” esteem pretty much right away.  Taking care of the basics is essential to being able to take care of the extras.  The things you need to do to get the ball rolling vary from girl to girl, you know what you need to work on.  Start small, don’t give yourself a panic attack, instead reward yourself for your achievements, and counter some of your bad habits with good ones.  If you suffer from anxiety, this is seriously one of the best things you can do to alleviate some of that.  When “I can’t do it,” is constantly playing in your head, OF COURSE you have anxiety.  As of right now, you are broken up with “I can’t.” Your new mantra is, “I’ve got this!”

And you do.  You’ve got this.  Now get off the internet and go clean your kitchen.

Lots of love,
Chase Kelly

 

*Featured Image by Klaus Kampert

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Maintaining your Privacy

Chase Kelly —  September 28, 2012 — 8 Comments

Once you become a stripper, your privacy means more to you than most anything else.  When you share your ‘private parts,’ your private information takes on a whole new meaning to you.  It is easy to get angry with a prying customer; even “What’s your real name?” has set me off a few times.  This week alone I have been asked what part of town I live in on two separate occasions, and what my last name was once.  I get asked my last name quite often, actually, because my strip club character is 100% Italian, people want to hear my funny last name.  The most obnoxious thing about the prying is probably the civilian obsession with the industry as a subculture.  I don’t really want to explain the inner workings of sex work to a customer.  If you want to know how to be a stripper, read my website.  The more your customer knows, the less advantage you have, but talking is key and this is where they want to lead the conversation.  To formulate a plan, I did some research.

I think the most important part of sales, especially when you are learning how to be a stripper, is the ability to understand your client’s needs, and so instead of incessantly worrying about my own, I started considering where he was coming from.  Instead of the instinctual, “Why the fuck are you asking me this?” I started asking myself, “I wonder why he’s asking me this?” and the answer appeared, right under my nose.

Just like women, men want intimacy, and despite popular belief, they too know that intimacy is more than just sex. 

Sometimes guys just want to get to know the person that is grinding on them, it alleviates the guilt of objectifying someone’s little girl.  Now, please don’t think I am saying all customers feel guilty, but some do, and those are usually your money customers AND the ones who will treat you with the most respect.  These true gentlemen are your bread and butter, so don’t push them away!  This certainly isn’t stripper 101, but it’s something every stripper should know how to do.

My natural hustle turned out to be the best one and I am so glad I returned full circle to it.  When I first started bartending in strip clubs, I was 18 and I was worried about my safety, so I made up a story.  I used my real name, but I told people that I traveled 2 hours from upstate New York to work, because I didn’t want anyone to find out.  I formulated a fake hobby (horse back riding) and was going to school (I lied about which) and explained that it was why I worked in the industry, to fund my passions of intellectual success and equestrianism.  My candidness and sweetness set me apart from the other girls in the club who would protectively withdraw.  Even now that I have become a stripper, I still see those customers every time I go back home (about once a year, and it’s been 10 years since I was their bartender).  Although I don’t get much money from them, I appreciate their loyalty and their welcoming smiles; it definitely ups my hustle!

A girlfriend of mine was telling me that she admits to customers that her stripper name is not her real name, but when pressured, refuses to give out her “real name.”  Man, I know you want to establish your dominance; I understand the desire to be frank with guys.  During my first year actually dancing, I threw away my hustle for chaos and would even say things like, “It doesn’t matter, you don’t care about that, let’s just treat this like the transaction it is,” and although those guys usually still would get dances, they rarely stack them, and they NEVER become regulars.  This kind of hard ass, protective mentality makes you seem wounded, jaded, rude, cold, and ugly.  Guys want to see you shine.  YOU want to shine–So shine!

Say your real name is your dancer name, and that fake names are so 90’s, or have a fake real name on deck!  Chase Kelly is my dancer name, and Chase is short for my real name, Chastity.  Still sound strippery?  It’s ok.  Lot’s of girls have stripper names in real life.  Why isn’t my name italian?  I’m adopted.  Duh.

All you have to do is formulate a character.  It will make your life SO much easier.  Keep it consistent so you never have to remember who you told what.  Your stripper character should be as much like real life you as possible in personality, but all the details should be changed to protect your identity entirely.  You will feel protected, because now you are selling your character’s identity and time instead of your own, the customer will be pleased because he will feel like he is getting some special part of you that the other guys don’t, and you will have been morally sound throughout the entire process, despite your white lies.  These guys know that we are actresses as much as they want to deny it, so act, but do it well enough that they CAN deny it.
Happy hustling, ladies.

Chastity “Chase” Kelly

Making a Regular

Chase Kelly —  September 13, 2012 — 2 Comments

Anyone who dances knows that the best money comes from being a stripper who attracts regulars.  I want to tell you how I do it.

The other night I had a customer the who was really sweet.

He had been going through a really hard time.  A bad divorce, some time locked up, lost his kid to his ex, working 60 hours a week at a job he hated, and NO strip club experience/etiquette.  Typically an annoying guy, but since it was early on a Sunday, the club was really slow, I decided to go talk to him.  It seemed like everyone was avoiding him because he was sitting in a kind of unapproachable spot, but I assume that’s only because he wasn’t really comfortable.  He had heard about my club on the radio and decided to come out for our Sunday happy hour special, which is $10 dances all night.  People with no strip club experience make the perfect regulars, because n one has gotten in there and burned him, given him too much for too little, or fucked him up some other annoying way.  I decided it was a perfect opportunity to take on the project of converting him to my regular.

I was really sweet and patient, showed him a great time, gave him some heartfelt advice, and took 2 shots with him (a serious limit for me).  On $10 dance nights I still always charge $20, but a lot of customers who hear the ad expect to pay the “sale” price.  Here is how I get around that.

“So this is really only your second time at a strip club?  Do you know how it works here?”

Even if he knows, he is going to prompt you to tell him.  He wants to hear your menu.  Dances here are typically $20 anywhere in the club, but options are key.  People gravitate towards the middle ground, so 3 choices is best.

“So, since it’s Sunday, we are running a $10 dance special.  They take place here in your seat, there is absolutely no touching, and I leave my top on.  We can also go against the wall back there, and those are $20.  We also have private VIP dances, which are way more intimate, allow touching, and are really fun.  Which do you think you want to do?”

He chose the $20 dances, and we did a few.  Then I gave him a massage for awhile, and charged $10 a song.  Eventually I excused myself because I was bored of him, and could feel his attention wavering.  The club had picked up, so I went in search of greener pastures.  I knew I showed him a great time and he’d want to see me again, so I offered my email, even though he is FAR from a regular.  It was actually his first time in a club since the 90’s.  Today I received an email from him.  It read as follows:

Hi Chase. Hope all is well with you. This J the guy with the skull

hat. I was there Sunday.   Just wanted to say thanks alot! For taking

your time and talking and being real. You made my night. You and the

drinks got me loosen up. So I went with it and had fun. dance with

others to. Nice place! easy going. Stiil I had best time hanging with

you. Send me a line as to when you work and if its not a work night

Ill come out. dont worry I wont hang on you. I know you need to work.

Thanks very much for your email. very sweet.  Hope to here from you.

take care, have fun.

J

How lovely.  It feels nice to help someone when they are having a hard time.  Sometimes people just want to relax and have fun, and I am lucky to be professional and personable enough that I can feel okay about charging for it.  If you take someone who is down in the dumps for a ride, take all of their money, and treat them like a trick, you are a shithead.  Don’t be a part of the problem, people already think we are thieving whores, that’s why they don’t care when we get raped or murdered.  Being a good person is your responsibility, we need you to help us get the respect we deserve!  I know that I am not a negative thing for this guy, so taking his money is A-OK.  There are lots of occupations in which you get paid to help people, and dancing can definitely be one of them.  It really is one of the more exciting and rewarding parts of the job, to be able to give someone who never gets to smile a great night.  Sooooo I did that for this guy, made a regular, and then got to write an awesome blog about it to share with you all the ins and outs of how to be successful, ethical, and rich young ladies!  How good is life, can you tell me?

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Explosions in his pants

Chase Kelly —  September 11, 2012 — 6 Comments

Oh, the horror. The dread. The sheer disgust you experience the first time a customer climaxes during your dance. If you haven’t had the pleasure yet, it’s probably best that you prepare yourself now. Unless you work in a no contact club, the chances of this happening are pretty good. Lots of these guys haven’t been laid in a very long time, and you are so beautiful and lovely with your nipples pointing skyward and that perfect lil booty! As an adult entertainer, this is just one more of the adult dilemmas you will be faced with. But what are you supposed to do?

The first step would be to avoid having this happen in the first place. Some girls grind in lap dances, some don’t. That is totally your prerogative and neither is better than the other, but if you are a grinder, I highly recommend taking grind breaks. Only grind in the same position for a few seconds, 10-20 tops. I think it’s a good idea to have a few “pose” moves that you do during your dance which require little to no movement, and maybe little to no contact as well to let him wind down before you transition into the next move.

Secondly, you should use your judgement. I am going to assume that most strippers have had at least *some* sexual experience and can tell when a guy is really turned on. Some clues that your Joe is about to blow include: a change in breathing, seemingly voluntary hip thrusting (may actually be involuntary, like dogs when they hump. ugh), and his penis becoming much more erect. The chances are that your guy will have a boner for at least some of the dance, but if it is so rock hard that it is bruising your ass cheek, you might want to ease up a little.

If you can tell the guy is aroused enough that he might orgasm, that’s great. Hold him there as long as you can. When a guy is on the edge, he literally can’t say no. Your goal is not to make him cum in his pants, it’s to make him *almost* cum in his pants.

If you did everything you could to avoid the explosion, but the sad wet spot appeared anyway, you need to go ahead and do some damage control. Avoid the instinct to freak out. Don’t tell the man that he is disgusting, even if he is! Why on earth would you do that??? An orgasm isn’t disgusting, and if someone ever condemned you for having one, you would feel either angry or traumatized, depending on your feelings for the person pointing the angry finger at you. If you stayed within your comfortable boundaries, you should be proud to be able to bring a man to orgasm without bending them! Take this as a compliment, no matter how grossed out you are. It’s totally ok to laugh or act uncomfortable, but it is NOT ok to embarrass this man and make him feel like a dirty monster. You signed up for this job, if you don’t like that men have biological reactions to your beautiful body, then maybe you should try telemarketing. It also pays quite well!

I know, you are grossed out. Girl, so am I, but I am an adult. I can handle all situations gracefully (although I have been known to use antics to get my way if I know it will work!) That’s what makes me an entertainer. You have two choices, you can act uncomfortable, or you can act proud. You need to decide what works best with your personality and what will work best on that particular customer, but make sure you handle it without putting him on blast (at least to other customers…it’s totally expected that you warn the other girls and try not to slut shame the girl who doesn’t care and dances for him anyway.)
I usually just laugh. I say, “Wow! I didn’t really expect that, but who could blame a guy!?” and I make sure I tell him that his little thrill just cost him extra. If you’re in VIP or a champagne room, you can get away with charging hundreds more, but if the guy is clearly an average Joe Blow, you are probably going to have to settle for less. I wouldn’t ever ask for less than $50 personally. Keep in mind that I am only talking about climaxes caused with his pants ON with no genital contact. I am not suggesting you sell extras for $50 (please don’t!!).
He is probably going to want to make a quick escape and sometimes asks you to stop mid song. You have to be quick with quoting him a price. Before he even asks what he owes, get off his lap and quote him your price. If he questions it or says “but I only got 3 dances!” you say, “Your thrill cost extra! That was your tip, I certainly deserve mine!” or something cute and witty like that. Remember not to be mad. Mad doesn’t work in this situation! If he refuses to tip you, you probably just need to fold, unless you think your manager would agree that cumming in your pants warrants a tip. You know your managers, so act accordingly, just don’t act crazy! Remember that your little story is nothing new to club management, so acting like it’s the end of the world won’t get you far.
It’s not the end of the world. If you think it is, this job might be a little rougher than you had originally anticipated. I wish you the best of luck!

Until next time, try not to grind so damned hard, and have a great week!
xx
Chase

Money customers love me.  It doesn’t matter that I am covered in tattoos, that I grew up poor and sometimes lack decorum, that I don’t bother with jewelry or curling my hair, my boobs are real and kinda deflating, that I have the world’s most embarassingly tiny ass—business men are my men, all the time.
Why?  What really stands out about me?  It’s really simple.

I am confident.  I smile A LOT, I am sober, I am witty and funny, and I say “Oh stop it!” to at least every other compliment.  I am able to talk to them about things that they are interested in—after all, I am an educated business woman, myself!  Nothing turns a brainy customer on more than a stripper who is “on the level.”  I am constantly told that it is my energy, and the fact that I am tuned in-not zoned out when I am dancing for a guy.  Lots of eye contact and ear breathing…yes, it turns them into animals, but rich animals are my absolute favorite kind.

Stripping is not something to do to feel good about yourself.  Stripping is something you do to make a customer feel good about himself, then you take his money and do something with it that will give you the desired “I love me” feeling (go to school!  start a business!  make art!  buy a home!) that you were originally trying to obtain by talking a lot about yourself, twirling your hair, and acting like a bitch diva.

So how do you become a witty, fearless, happy stripper?  LEARN.  Knowledge is power.  When you know what you are doing, there is nothing at all to be afraid of.  BE NICE.  A good core group of dancers is imperative to be happy at your club.  If it’s really awful at your club, again, read this and this.  Controlling the Vibe is probably the post that I think is the most powerful I’ve posted thus far.  LAUGH.  This guy wants to see you smile!  His wife and kids probably don’t show him much of their youthful, carefree sides.  Customers see us as having money, and thus not having problems.  Give them their fantasy*!

Please be happy, be safe, and shine from the inside—it shows!

Love,

Chase

*some rare and occasional customers have a captain save a ho complex, be an astute profiler!