Archives For stripper 101

Getting Unstuck

Chase Kelly —  October 15, 2012 — 1 Comment

If you have become a stripper that really can’t handle life or responsibilities, it’s time to come clean with yourself.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you want to be a stripper to help you get through a tough financial time, or if you want to be a stripper to help you achieve your goals, pay for school, start a company, etc.  There is not even anything wrong with being a stripper simply because you like it!  Often times, though, all being a stripper does for girls is support their dysfunction.  If you are one of these girls, it’s best that you at least admit the problem.  It may seem weird, awful, uncomfortable, and a huge affront to your self-esteem to admit that you simply cannot function in modern society, but truly, the first step in fixing a problem is identifying it.  Admitting that you are stuck doesn’t mean that you are doomed for life, it means that you are self-aware, that you have the clarity to admit you need some guidance, and that you at least are aware that your lifestyle could use some tweaking.  Admitting a problem means that you are not insane.  Ignoring it means that you are.

Have you ever met someone who is bat shit crazy and everyone knows it but the actual crazy person (Hi, Mom!)?  That is the result of self-denial.  That is what happens when there is a problem with your personality and you choose to ignore it, say, “It’s fine!” or joke about your bad life decisions.  Like cancer, early detection is the best cure for a diseased lifestyle.  If you catch it, you can change it.  If it goes ignored for too long, though, it spreads like wildfire and mental illness comes in and grabs you.  Let’s not pretend that the strip club will be around forever—eventually we will be too old for this shit.  Let’s also not pretend that crazy people are a scarcity in the industry.  And while we are at it, let’s not be so pompous to think it couldn’t happen to us.  Lifestyle dancing is dangerous because it is unrealistic.  Unless you LOVE the industry and plan to be in the adult industry for the rest of your life (eventually you will have to quit stripping, at which point it will be the cams, porn sites, escorting, or Dommeing) you need to be able to function outside of it.  If the only people who “get you” work in the club, it’s time to reassess.

Some of the problems I see most often are ones that I have myself struggled with from time to time.  Some girls are lazy, can’t get out of bed in the daytime, others literally have no idea what to do with authority-they lack the social skills to follow direction.  Rage issues, no “filter,” inability to maintain a schedule, inability to connect with people, no desire to do anything that doesn’t result in monetary gain, addiction, codependency, and battered women’s syndrome are just SOME of the  many things that strippers have to overcome.  You add a career that encourages your behavior, and managers that turn a blind eye, are completely oblivious, or simply don’t care what happens to you, a peer group that has adopted the “sink or swim” approach to life, and a shit ton of untaxed income, sexual assault and complete disregard for your humanity, and you have a recipe for disaster.  It’s no wonder most all dancers suffer from PTSD at some point.  You are not alone, but you will be if you don’t do something to change the direction of your actions.

Women have SO much more responsibility than men do when it comes to being emotionally stable, if only for one reason.  Most of us are already or will be mothers one day.  We will literally take on the responsibility of another human life at some point, and like many bad moms, those who end up totally crazy won’t even realize it.

I am asking you to take a look at yourself and do something about it if you are one of these girls.  Thinking about it is great, spend some time on that, but start making a plan as soon as you’re ready.  During your thinking process, take notes.  Your journal is your best friend when making life changes.  If your’re writing it down, you are making a commitment.  Do that!  Commitment is good, failure to commit is a really common stripper problem, so now is a great time to work on that.  Start small, do the things you know you SHOULD be doing, but don’t.  Something as simple as keeping your bed made when you aren’t in it, keeping an empty sink, or cleaning up after your pets will bolster your “I can do it!” esteem pretty much right away.  Taking care of the basics is essential to being able to take care of the extras.  The things you need to do to get the ball rolling vary from girl to girl, you know what you need to work on.  Start small, don’t give yourself a panic attack, instead reward yourself for your achievements, and counter some of your bad habits with good ones.  If you suffer from anxiety, this is seriously one of the best things you can do to alleviate some of that.  When “I can’t do it,” is constantly playing in your head, OF COURSE you have anxiety.  As of right now, you are broken up with “I can’t.” Your new mantra is, “I’ve got this!”

And you do.  You’ve got this.  Now get off the internet and go clean your kitchen.

Lots of love,
Chase Kelly

 

*Featured Image by Klaus Kampert

How to be a stripper, become a stripper, stripper tips, becoming a stripper, stripper blog, how to strip, how to poledance, stripper school, stripper 101, stripping, strippers only, stripper blog, stripper blogger

Maintaining your Privacy

Chase Kelly —  September 28, 2012 — 8 Comments

Once you become a stripper, your privacy means more to you than most anything else.  When you share your ‘private parts,’ your private information takes on a whole new meaning to you.  It is easy to get angry with a prying customer; even “What’s your real name?” has set me off a few times.  This week alone I have been asked what part of town I live in on two separate occasions, and what my last name was once.  I get asked my last name quite often, actually, because my strip club character is 100% Italian, people want to hear my funny last name.  The most obnoxious thing about the prying is probably the civilian obsession with the industry as a subculture.  I don’t really want to explain the inner workings of sex work to a customer.  If you want to know how to be a stripper, read my website.  The more your customer knows, the less advantage you have, but talking is key and this is where they want to lead the conversation.  To formulate a plan, I did some research.

I think the most important part of sales, especially when you are learning how to be a stripper, is the ability to understand your client’s needs, and so instead of incessantly worrying about my own, I started considering where he was coming from.  Instead of the instinctual, “Why the fuck are you asking me this?” I started asking myself, “I wonder why he’s asking me this?” and the answer appeared, right under my nose.

Just like women, men want intimacy, and despite popular belief, they too know that intimacy is more than just sex. 

Sometimes guys just want to get to know the person that is grinding on them, it alleviates the guilt of objectifying someone’s little girl.  Now, please don’t think I am saying all customers feel guilty, but some do, and those are usually your money customers AND the ones who will treat you with the most respect.  These true gentlemen are your bread and butter, so don’t push them away!  This certainly isn’t stripper 101, but it’s something every stripper should know how to do.

My natural hustle turned out to be the best one and I am so glad I returned full circle to it.  When I first started bartending in strip clubs, I was 18 and I was worried about my safety, so I made up a story.  I used my real name, but I told people that I traveled 2 hours from upstate New York to work, because I didn’t want anyone to find out.  I formulated a fake hobby (horse back riding) and was going to school (I lied about which) and explained that it was why I worked in the industry, to fund my passions of intellectual success and equestrianism.  My candidness and sweetness set me apart from the other girls in the club who would protectively withdraw.  Even now that I have become a stripper, I still see those customers every time I go back home (about once a year, and it’s been 10 years since I was their bartender).  Although I don’t get much money from them, I appreciate their loyalty and their welcoming smiles; it definitely ups my hustle!

A girlfriend of mine was telling me that she admits to customers that her stripper name is not her real name, but when pressured, refuses to give out her “real name.”  Man, I know you want to establish your dominance; I understand the desire to be frank with guys.  During my first year actually dancing, I threw away my hustle for chaos and would even say things like, “It doesn’t matter, you don’t care about that, let’s just treat this like the transaction it is,” and although those guys usually still would get dances, they rarely stack them, and they NEVER become regulars.  This kind of hard ass, protective mentality makes you seem wounded, jaded, rude, cold, and ugly.  Guys want to see you shine.  YOU want to shine–So shine!

Say your real name is your dancer name, and that fake names are so 90’s, or have a fake real name on deck!  Chase Kelly is my dancer name, and Chase is short for my real name, Chastity.  Still sound strippery?  It’s ok.  Lot’s of girls have stripper names in real life.  Why isn’t my name italian?  I’m adopted.  Duh.

All you have to do is formulate a character.  It will make your life SO much easier.  Keep it consistent so you never have to remember who you told what.  Your stripper character should be as much like real life you as possible in personality, but all the details should be changed to protect your identity entirely.  You will feel protected, because now you are selling your character’s identity and time instead of your own, the customer will be pleased because he will feel like he is getting some special part of you that the other guys don’t, and you will have been morally sound throughout the entire process, despite your white lies.  These guys know that we are actresses as much as they want to deny it, so act, but do it well enough that they CAN deny it.
Happy hustling, ladies.

Chastity “Chase” Kelly

How to be a stripper is not all you need to know when it comes to the industry.  If you have been dancing for 5 years or 5 days, you need to write your exit plan, starting today.  It is automatic to become accustomed to stripper money and require it to survive.  Even if you are one of the low earners at your club, chances are you have the ability to make more now than you would if left to rely on your other resources.  Isn’t that why you chose dancing, come to think of it?

Your exit plan is simple, it consists of 4 things:
-How much money does it cost me to live?
-If I weren’t dancing, what would I like to be doing to earn money?
-What does it take in order to actually “do” step 2?
-How much does it cost to “do” step 2?
Answering these questions is the first step to actually making your dreams come true.  No matter how much you are enjoying dancing today, we need to loudly state that this is not your life goal.  For years I wanted to be a stripper when I grew up.  Now that I am a grown up stripper, I realize that the future of this industry just isn’t for me.  Dancer into my 30’s?  Sounds palatable enough, but dancer into my 40’s just in’t* gonna work.
The reality is that this job is stressful and dangerous.  While I hope nothing bad ever happens in your dancing career, or in your life for that matter, it’s important to be realistic.  Bad things happen to everyone, and this job can create you a safety net to help get you through the really awful things, some of which are brought on because of the job itself.
The day my dad died, I swear I wish I could have traded in my gucci shoes for a flight to Phoenix to be with my mom, but Southwest doesn’t accept scuffed flats for flights.  I had no money and no plan to deal with the hardship I was going through.  I had to dance that entire month to pay my bills.  The same thing happened when I got mugged on my way home from work, and when I went through my big breakup, and after I went past my limits with a customer and had a breakdown.  I can’t tell you what it’s like to have to give even one  lap dance when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.  Having to do it night after night so you don’t end up homeless is unbearable.  UNFUCKINGBEARABLE.
PLEASE, don’t do this to yourself.  If nothing else, prepare for 3 months of living expenses.  3 months is the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM amount of time you’d need away from dancing if god forbid something awful happened to you.  Going back to work when you aren’t ready can cause extreme mental damage, even if you aren’t aware of it at the time.  Hindsight is 20/20 and I am here to tell you that you will need to undo that damage if you insist on inflicting it upon yourself.  Sometimes, it can never be undone.  If you want to really do something amazing for yourself, please email me.  I will walk you through the foundation of the program I am writing for you guys.  It’s not finished yet, but I can help you get on the path now if you can’t wait another second.
Lack of planning led me down a very dark tunnel that landed me in a very dark pit of despair.  Even if you think dancing doesn’t affect you on an emotional level, all it takes is one small shift to change that forever.  The entire reason I write this blog is because I want to help you avoid the pain I put myself through.  Girls like us, we just didn’t have anyone to show us how to do it right.  Instead of beating yourself up, instead of feeling hopeless or stuck, take just one simple step to give you some strength.  Get yourself a savings going and use it to fuel your way out of this place, once you’ve milked it for everything it has to offer you.
*I just created an even lazier way to say “ain’t,” which is either indicative of me being an extreme over achiever, or on the flip side, an extreme under achiever.  Food for thought.

 

How to be a stripper, become a stripper, stripper tips, becoming a stripper, stripper blog, how to strip, how to poledance, stripper school, stripper 101, stripping, strippers only, stripper blog, stripper blogger, quit stripping

Soooo, what do you do?

Chase Kelly —  September 14, 2012 — 4 Comments

I spend a lot of time thinking about how to break the news to the civilian world that I am a stripper, and I even moreso, that I spend my days blogging about how to be a stripper!  I hate that it is commonplace to say “What do you do?” to someone right after you meet them, and I wish someone would send out a public notice to people that you just DO NOT ask that question of someone you think might be a gangster or stripper.  It’s just rude and we don’t want to answer you, guy!

Once upon a time I wore my badge with honor.  I was naked all over the internet and going by my actual name.  I spent most nights that I wasn’t working downtown getting hammered and convincing boys to fall in like with me.  It was a fun time, but hindsight being 20/20, I can see some error in my ways.  I got a reputation as a “party girl” and I realized not a single one of my friends was real.  Even my “real” friends started to view me more as a stripper or sex worker than a person, and eventually I started to define myself the same way.  I understand why I did what I did.  I am a headstrong person, I saw nothing wrong with the choices I made, and I wanted to broadcast to the world that there is a different way to live life.  I think dancing is great, but it’s something that not everyone can understand, and trying to force people to understand is just pointless.  I spent the four years that I lived like this single (and loving it) but had I wanted to settle down, I’m not sure anyone would’ve had me.  Even four years later, now that I spend more time reading and writing than anything else, when I drink Nature’s Way protein drinks instead of Patron chilled, people still see me as an aging party girl, and that’s because that’s what I showed them.  It’s honestly a fair assumption, although faulty, so these days i try and be more discreet.  If you are a loudmouth and love attention and can’t seem to satiate the thirst for it, this is probably you.  My advice?  Take a deep breath, you’re beautiful as you are, you don’t need all that “wrong kind” of attention.  Unless you are getting paid for it, all you’re doing is objectifying yourself everywhere you go and telling people it’s OK to treat you like a stripper.  Some people still get my full disclosure but only if my intuition says it’s the right thing to do.

Then there’s lying.  Lying to real people isn’t really in my constitution, I am terrified of getting caught, and I know that all of the info I have put out in the past about myself directly contradicts my lies, and if I form a lasting bond with the person, I will eventually have to come clean as both a stripper AND a liar.  Not happening.  A simple google search will tell people the DIRTY TRUTH about my SHAMEFUL LIFE.  Since I don’t really feel this way about my life, I would rather not give people the impression that I am a shameful, lying whore who is embarrassed of the choices she’s made.  Lying is bad.  Period.  Moving on.

Mystery, ah, you beautiful thing.  I love you.  I am still trying to work out the perfect answer, seeing that I look like a stripper, but you know, we can let people’s imaginations go where they’d like.  Here are some of my favorite mysterious answers to “What do you do for work?”

  • “I’ll tell you later.”
  • “Don’t we have anything more interesting to talk about?”
  • “I fucking hate work.”
  •  ”What’s (pause and give a puzzled look, like you’re searching for a word) work?”
  • “Ya know, just passin’ the time til the ol’ trust fund runs out.” (or any other highly sarcastic answer.  I love telling people I travel with the circus as a lion tamer.

BUT my absolute favorite thing to be able to say ever is, “I am the founder of a project that aims to help girls 18-30 make their dreams come true by offering them financial, emotional, and career support.”  I also get to say, “I am studying psychology.  I would like to practice sex-therapy and do trauma work, and probably write some non-fiction.” THIS is the number one reason you need to save your money.  Once you find your passion, it will be a blessing every time you get to tell someone about your plans.  Sooooo nice to not have to say, “I’m a stripper!” and instead be able to say, “I don’t believe in taking investors, I’d rather be my own :wink:” if I ever get found out.

Even if you don’t have your passion yet (you will, have faith!) it’s a good idea to keep a second job and go to school, not jut for your sanity, taxes, or future, but because it just gives you the perfect scapegoat to not be typecast forever.

Of course, if you are one of the girls who loves the attention and wants to do good, please contact me.  We can find a positive way for you to broadcast your lifestyle choices together and use your beautiful openness to inspire others to take their lives to the next level!

Happy Skrippin!

Chase Kelly

Survive The Club

How to be a stripper, become a stripper, stripper tips, becoming a stripper, stripper blog, how to strip, how to poledance, stripper school, stripper 101, stripping, strippers only, stripper blog, stripper blogger

Making a Regular

Chase Kelly —  September 13, 2012 — 2 Comments

Anyone who dances knows that the best money comes from being a stripper who attracts regulars.  I want to tell you how I do it.

The other night I had a customer the who was really sweet.

He had been going through a really hard time.  A bad divorce, some time locked up, lost his kid to his ex, working 60 hours a week at a job he hated, and NO strip club experience/etiquette.  Typically an annoying guy, but since it was early on a Sunday, the club was really slow, I decided to go talk to him.  It seemed like everyone was avoiding him because he was sitting in a kind of unapproachable spot, but I assume that’s only because he wasn’t really comfortable.  He had heard about my club on the radio and decided to come out for our Sunday happy hour special, which is $10 dances all night.  People with no strip club experience make the perfect regulars, because n one has gotten in there and burned him, given him too much for too little, or fucked him up some other annoying way.  I decided it was a perfect opportunity to take on the project of converting him to my regular.

I was really sweet and patient, showed him a great time, gave him some heartfelt advice, and took 2 shots with him (a serious limit for me).  On $10 dance nights I still always charge $20, but a lot of customers who hear the ad expect to pay the “sale” price.  Here is how I get around that.

“So this is really only your second time at a strip club?  Do you know how it works here?”

Even if he knows, he is going to prompt you to tell him.  He wants to hear your menu.  Dances here are typically $20 anywhere in the club, but options are key.  People gravitate towards the middle ground, so 3 choices is best.

“So, since it’s Sunday, we are running a $10 dance special.  They take place here in your seat, there is absolutely no touching, and I leave my top on.  We can also go against the wall back there, and those are $20.  We also have private VIP dances, which are way more intimate, allow touching, and are really fun.  Which do you think you want to do?”

He chose the $20 dances, and we did a few.  Then I gave him a massage for awhile, and charged $10 a song.  Eventually I excused myself because I was bored of him, and could feel his attention wavering.  The club had picked up, so I went in search of greener pastures.  I knew I showed him a great time and he’d want to see me again, so I offered my email, even though he is FAR from a regular.  It was actually his first time in a club since the 90’s.  Today I received an email from him.  It read as follows:

Hi Chase. Hope all is well with you. This J the guy with the skull

hat. I was there Sunday.   Just wanted to say thanks alot! For taking

your time and talking and being real. You made my night. You and the

drinks got me loosen up. So I went with it and had fun. dance with

others to. Nice place! easy going. Stiil I had best time hanging with

you. Send me a line as to when you work and if its not a work night

Ill come out. dont worry I wont hang on you. I know you need to work.

Thanks very much for your email. very sweet.  Hope to here from you.

take care, have fun.

J

How lovely.  It feels nice to help someone when they are having a hard time.  Sometimes people just want to relax and have fun, and I am lucky to be professional and personable enough that I can feel okay about charging for it.  If you take someone who is down in the dumps for a ride, take all of their money, and treat them like a trick, you are a shithead.  Don’t be a part of the problem, people already think we are thieving whores, that’s why they don’t care when we get raped or murdered.  Being a good person is your responsibility, we need you to help us get the respect we deserve!  I know that I am not a negative thing for this guy, so taking his money is A-OK.  There are lots of occupations in which you get paid to help people, and dancing can definitely be one of them.  It really is one of the more exciting and rewarding parts of the job, to be able to give someone who never gets to smile a great night.  Sooooo I did that for this guy, made a regular, and then got to write an awesome blog about it to share with you all the ins and outs of how to be successful, ethical, and rich young ladies!  How good is life, can you tell me?

How to be a stripper, become a stripper, stripper tips, becoming a stripper, stripper blog, how to strip, how to poledance, stripper school, stripper 101, stripping, strippers only, stripper blog, stripper blogger

This is the last post in response to dealing with there not being any money at the club you’re at.  The original post is here, and covers some things you can do to increase your profits.  If you have done everything you can and have upped your game and nothing is changing, you just need to accept it.  If there are customers, you can entice them, but a club without customers and with too many girls is impossible to change.

Clubs with no money are dangerous, in my opinion, and as summer sets in, all clubs that are affected by the sluggishness of the industry tend to get a little grimier.  Strip clubs are full of desperation, and we all know what happens to people (especially addicts) when things get depressing.  If your club is inundated with junkies and prostitutes, for your sanity, you need to leave.   I know I have briefly said this before, but I cannot tell you how important I think meditation is for dancers.  Whether you choose to wait and see if money gets better, you leave in search of greener pastures (no pun intended), or you fall into a pit of depression and anxiety, you should meditate.  Our world is crazy, and its important that you’re comfortable and relaxed when you spend time just with yourself.

People, especially those who spend a lot of time together, form a collective consciousness.  At the club I currently work at, I’d say at least half of the girls are going through some major breakdown.  Although I am considering switching clubs, my comfort at my home club is standing in my way (plus I am still making money, albeit slow summer money).  During the summer, I am usually relatively dependent on regulars, but I moved this year, thus losing most of my best customers.  I have not been able to add to my savings at the rate that I try to, and the summer blues are getting to me.  So what do I do to deal with the fact that there is less money and that the girls are taking it hard and becoming prostitutes?

I took it as a sign.  Hardship forces change.  I’m not sure whether we do it subconsciously or there is some unknown force at work here, but regardless, every time there has been something awful that I’ve had to deal with, I have come up with unique ways to deal with the issue.  To deal with not making money at your club, you can either switch clubs, rely on regulars, or wait it out, but freaking out won’t change it, and although lowering your standards can increase your profit, it can destroy your soul.  I realized the dancers at my club were freaking out and treating themselves badly, so I started this blog, continued to try and bring only positivity into the club, and started writing a business plan.  I am concerned about the collective consciousness of women in this industry, and I am setting out to change it.

Accept, grow, smile.

Love Love Love Love,
Chase

Showers on the inside

Chase Kelly —  September 1, 2012 — Leave a comment

I had a discussion with a very fresh dancer whom I really like.  I sense that some things are pretty hard for her and she is sort of confused.  She is unbearably beautiful, dancing is quite lucrative for her and will continue to be, regardless of whether she plays her cards right—this is pretty much a guarantee.  What is not so sure, though, is what will happen to her.  Anyone who has been dancing more than a few years has seen exactly what I am talking about: sweet young girl tries her hand at dancing and ends up a suicidal mess in a pile of pain pills.  It kills me.

Tonight she told me that stripping makes her feel like she needs a “shower on the inside.” Just that phrase, wherever she came up with it, it seems so hopeless.  I have been thinking about it all night (girl, if you read this, please know I care, for real!) and I can’t quite shake it.  My advise to her is the same advise I have for all of us: build yourself an exit strategy from day 1.  Know what you need in the bank to be able to quit at the drop of a dime.  If something changes tomorrow to keep you from ever setting foot in the club again, be sure that you have the cushion you need to escape.  For someone like her, who has only been dancing 2 months, she simply needs $3,000 and a new job, but for girls like me, who have been dancing longer, we have a higher goal (mine is 1 year living expenses, a 1 month trip to Australia, a downpayment on a home, and 20k for my education—this is doable in just a couple of years with enough discipline!)  I think it’s a good idea to set that goal for yourself and start adding towards it, if even only $10 at a time.

The other thing I told her is that the club isn’t going anywhere.  Although I had waitressed, bar tended, and even managed a club before I ever got on stage, I waited until I was 24 to start dancing.  I knew I did not have the emotional maturity to handle it prior, so I fed my curiosity by working in other positions at the club.  I encourage you to tap into yourself and decide what’s right for you, ESPECIALLY if you’re new to the game; maybe you don’t need to be here yet, maybe you don’t need to be here at all.  If something feels totally wrong, get out.  If you have been with us for some time and have no emergency savings, you are in a serious crisis and you NEED to fix it!  Stop living your life as a series of reactions.  Take some control, and decide if this is really the job for you right now, and if it is, make a plan, so that if your “right now” changes, so can your occupation.  In order to avoid disaster, one must plan.  Disaster may still strike, but you will have tools to help you survive.  Money is power.  You have money, will you build yourself some power?

Consider Your Dependents

Chase Kelly —  September 1, 2012 — 1 Comment

Time and time again, I hear the same story from strippers, “I pay all the bills for my boyfriend/girlfriend/friend.”  With a pretty limitless cash flow, it is super simple to all of a sudden find yourself caring for others and forgetting about yourself.  Many of us face similar challenges and the foundation for codependency is already built in many of our lives.  I am going to ask you to really consider what you are doing when you take on these dependents.  I want you to look inside yourself, tell yourself the truth, and consider a course of action.

  • BUT HE NEEDS ME-This is by far the most common and most ridiculous stance to take about your slacker significant other.  Your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t need you.  His or her mother may have failed to raise an independent person, but survival has been possible for this person before you, and will be possible afterwards.  The reality in this situation is more likely to be that YOU need HIM for something, whether it is emotional support, the pattern of chaos you have gotten comfortable in, control over him (or anyone), the sex or whatever, you are keeping him dependent on you, which is a) not giving him the freedom to be the man he could be, and b) keeping you stuck in an unhealthy cycle.  Take some time to think about your motives, and don’t you dare say:
  • I KNOW HE’D DO IT FOR ME– No.  He wouldn’t.  In fact, he couldn’t.  Don’t you think there is a reason that he chose you, a financially capable adult who mothers him now that he is too grown to be mothered at home anymore?  You have become his replacement mom, and he has grown as dependent on you as he was on her.  An adult who allows themselves to be financially supported by anyone but themselves, even if only for a short time, does not have the financial, emotional, or intellectual strength to EVER give it back.  That’s why you need to take the focus on him and

  • SHIFT BACK TO YOURSELF- The reality, as ugly as it is, is that you literally give your money to someone else so you don’t have to think about what to do with yourself.  It’s scary being all grown up, all on your own, with more money than anyone else you know, but with less structure and almost no rules.  As an adult, it is up to you to to draw an outline of where you’d like to be and create a survival plan.  No one can help you do this, but people will certainly get in the way of allowing you to, if you let them.
  • YOU WILL BE OKAY ALONE-Keeping someone dependent on you is cruel.  You don’t even realize you’re doing it, and next thing you know, you own someone’s life and you can weigh in on everything they are doing and not even thinking about what you should be doing.  Have the strength to look in the mirror and say “What good can I do for myself today?”  Empower yourself and empower those you love by doing only for yourself.  Do not share your power with others, and do not drain the power from others for yourself, simply harness your own.
  • DON’T BE CRUEL-As pissed as you get at your dependent for needing you, it is unfair to yell at them or tell them that they are inferior because you take care of them.  You may not have created this problem, but by paying for the groceries, paying the rent, buying him a car or paying the bills on the one he has, you have become a part of it.  Simply stop.  Explain to your lover that you are on a savings plan, you have goals (consider what they are) and you need to meet them.  Explain that your dance years are limited and you plan on making the money you make gain interest and grow so you can care for your family and for yourself long into retirement.
  • PREPARE FOR THE MELTDOWN-He isn’t going to like it.  Be prepared to calmly close the door.  Save the drama for your Momma, you pathetic man-child!

Addiction and Dancing

Chase Kelly —  September 1, 2012 — 2 Comments

I cannot think of a more important and poignant topic to write on for my first entry of this blog.  If you yourself have never had to deal with being dragged onto the merry-go-round of drugs/alcohol/stripper lifestyle, you have surely watched someone else go for a ride.  Dancing is often extremely taxing mentally and emotionally, and with a limitless supply of cash, alcohol, and (depending on the club) pills, powder, ecstasy, heroin, and meth, things can go downhill pretty quickly.

 

Many girls are already volatile upon entering the club for the first time.  For whatever reason, each of us has made the decision to ignore the status quo and expose ourselves to strangers, in some cases allowing them to touch us (and more.)  The coupling of our prior dysfunction and our current level of freedom can often overshadow our desire for normalcy and protection.  Entering this profession, many of us already have self esteem issues and the club does not make it much easier.  Of course, each person has a uniquely crafted constitution, and for some it is easier to cope with the physical and emotional trauma associated with dancing, however for some people it is devastating.  Depending on your background, your emotional health, and your unique experiences, you may end up (or may have already) battling with addiction.

As with any difficult task, our minds find ways to make the challenging tasks easier.  I talk a lot about habit and ritual throughout Survive the Club, because I have seen first hand the effect habits have on humans.  Ritualization makes it easier for the mind to create concrete information and organize it, which is precisely why it makes such an obvious coping mechanism.  Whether you notice what you are doing or not, each one of us has a specific routine that becomes part of our “getting ready” process.  When I ask myself honestly, I have to admit that for about 95% of dancers I’ve met, having a drink, a hit, or a bump has become part of their nightly routine.  If you are one of these girls, get rid of the ritual immediately!  Even if you decide to still use, try not to make it nightly, and definitely don’t make it ritual; ritual=habitual.

If you are worried that you might be developing a problem, you CANNOT ignore it.  You are in a very scary position, one where you literally are completely alone.  Most of us do not have the luxury of insurance, workman’s comp, unemployment, and disability benefits.  For many of us, our family structures are faulty and unable/unwilling to aid us.  We have bosses and coworkers who don’t care, we don’t have schedules, responsibilities, or anyone asking after us.  Many of us have boyfriends, but many of those boyfriends aren’t always exactly what we’d hope for them to be.  It would be an understatement to say that we, as women (and especially as women in the adult industry) have been disappointed before.  I think it would be a stretch to suggest that we would be surprised if it happened again.  We have seen enough of humanity to know: we need to take care of ourselves.

If you do nothing else right now, start looking into insurance that will cover treatment should you decide you need it in the future.  It is almost impossible to get treatment for addiction with no money, and unfortunately, if your use is linked with your job, you will probably have to find another way to make an income.  It is definitely better to address the situation before it is too late.  Camming is always an option for girls who cannot say no.

If you know you’re in trouble, it’s ok.  There is help, and there are people who care.  I urge you to find an addictions therapist and find a support group immediately, like AA.  It would also be a good idea to order a book or two off amazon dealing with you think are your core issues and start getting to the bottom of them.  Addiction is a terrible struggle, but there IS hope, and there is a better way.  Getting through it may be painful, but waiting too long to get help could be fatal.  I know you know what a really bad-off veteran stripper looks like, and I don’t think you want to imagine what she must feel like inside.

It is really important for all dancers to realize that on any given night, there are girls in your club that are fighting to stay clean and sober.  If it is not in your power to stay sober, or if you simply do not want to, please consider these girls.  Talking about meth in front of a former user can trigger addictive cravings, which are multiplied by being inside the club.  Practice compassion every day, even at work.  I know you’re grown, I know it’s your body, but it’s just so much easier and rewarding to be conscious of other people’s struggles, and support them.  Everyone else has turned their backs on us, we need to at least be there for each other.  Please use drugs discreetly, and please keep your conversations private.
Peace and love,

your neighborhood stripper.