Archives For stripper school

Over Exposure

Chase Kelly —  October 24, 2012 — 8 Comments

If I had all the answers, I would give them to you, but this site is about more than just how to be a stripper.  The reason I started SurvivetheClub was not to teach you how to make money, although I am happy to do that.  What I really wanted to tell you about is how to stay sane in such an insane world.  The long and short of it is, you kind of can’t–the more of an explorer you are, the more attraction you have to the bizarre, the longer you stay in the industry, and the more money hungry you are, the higher your exposure is going to be to really unsavory things.

The sex world and kink world are strange.  Some of you love it and live for it, but as far as strippers go, I’ve met more that are baffled as to why someone would want to buy their socks than those who understand it and know exactly how to work a fetish customer.  In time, most of us figure it out whether we want to “get it” or not.

Consider this post a warning.  You don’t need to “get it” if you don’t want to, but that needs to be a boundary that you set on your own.  Is sex dirty?  Not really, but sometimes people’s kinks can be scary, disgusting, demeaning to women, violent, or just plain weird.  Sometimes they are just too grown up for you.  I think the girls who get this the worst are the very young ones, and they are the girls who should avoid it the most.  You should still have access to “normal sex fantasy” in your brain, and too much bizarre will wipe that out.  Additionally, some of us are victims of sexual abuse, some of us aren’t.  You need to respect your past and realize that some stuff CAN get in your head and mess with you.  Consider where you are in your head before you decide to take on “weird” customers.

The strip club is just one of the places that people come to live out their fantasies.  Some people would argue that the hard core kinksters know where to go to explore their fantasies and it’s not a strip club, and they’d be right, but let’s talk about how dangerous a fetishist can be WITHOUT training, or the specific creeps who only like girls who don’t know what’s going on.  They target strip clubs, and they go for the youngest and most scared looking girl they can find, and they expose her to their weird kinks because they are into how “green” she is.  When I was 18, this was the majority of my customer base and I had NO CLUE what I was doing/how much I should be charging to dump food down my customer’s pants or burn his tongue with my cigarette.  I also had no idea what an impact all of this stuff would have on my personal life down the road.

I had so much experience with fetish was when I was young, and some of it was awful and terrifying.  I was stalked, tricked, lured into places I shouldn’t have gone, attacked, manipulated, and slightly damaged.  Later, I set out to understand this lifestyle and take my power back.  I started taking private BDSM clients as a way to assert myself and make extra cash, and I wish I hadn’t ever felt that I needed to.  Hindsight being 20/20, fetish is really meant for the people who choose it, it isn’t meant to be chosen for you.  Customers don’t care about your psyche–they will expose you to whatever weird shit lives in their brains.  Some of them are crazy and don’t care about your physical well being either.  Some of them are loose cannons, and honestly if you don’t know how to deal with them, they can get in your brain and mess with you, or they can physically harm you.  If you don’t know how to handle these customers and want to learn, I will help you, but if you DON’T want to learn, and don’t want to think about this stuff, that is your right and you should keep your head clear of all of it by avoiding it.

I feel like most fresh strippers never consider what their exposure will be like, they think it’s just normal guys who are bored of their wives, but please be aware that there is A LOT of other stuff happening in the sex industry, things that you will eventually be exposed to.  Some of you will welcome that, and that is, of course your prerogative.  Those of you who value your innocence, who don’t want to become jaded, who don’t want to “know to much” or be spoiled with too much candy, those of you who want to live a “normal” life outside of the sex industry in the future, those of you with small children or plans to have them, may want to rethink your role in this industry or what you allow yourself to be exposed to.  You are an independent contractor.  Don’t EVER think you need to spend time with a guy just to get his money.  If he freaks you out, walk away, there is more money.  I don’t care how bad you need that $200–don’t infect your subconscious with things you cannot handle!  Sometimes it’s best to leave the freaks to the pros, and realize that there is NO SHAME in not being a pro in this industry (there is no shame in being one, either!)

To leather!

Chase Kelly

 

RELATED POST: Stripping is not child’s play: controlling your conditioning

Soon after becoming a stripper, you will realize that we spend a lot of time judging each other, personal boundaries become a standard by which a girl’s character is determined.  Self esteem issues and shame are abound in the club, and often girls use the “I’m better than you because at least I’m not a ho,” logic to bolster their own egos.  How many people have looked down on you unfairly because of your job?  More than a few, I bet, but that ivy league girl you went to high school with who has no daddy issues and a rich family is no better than you because she has never taken her clothes off for money.  You are no better than a girl who allows people to touch her or escorts on the side based on her boundaries.  Different things work for different people.  If you have ever met a “pro-ho” you know what I’m talking about.  These are the girls who are very professional, handle their business, are comfortable with what they’re doing, they don’t hurt the business of the club (if they work in one), and they are discreet in their business should they choose to conduct it somewhere that discretion is necessary.  They know what their boundaries are and respect them, they don’t need to take a xanax or a shot to do their business, and it’s because they are totally OK with it–the same way good strippers are totally OK with taking off their tops and/or panties.  Many girls have paid their way through school, travelled the world, or retired early on escort money, and really, if you do the same with your stripper money, how are you guys any different?  You CAN determine a person’s value based on their actions, but not based on their boundaries.

The ONLY time it is OK to judge someone based on their boundaries is if you can tell they are in over their head, and it should be less of a judgement and more of an observation.  It isn’t uncommon to see girls who are addicts, or playing a supporting role in a codependent relationship, or working under a pimp in this industry, but those girls are different.  Those girls need help, not judgement, and you are compounding their problems by shit talking them.  If you have something to say, let it be encouraging words of kindness, don’t sit in the back and laugh at these poor babies.  They are going through it, probably worse than you can imagine.  Your kindness might be the difference between life and death for someone.  Realize the impact of your words.

The truth is, in one way or another we are all extras girls.  If you aren’t charging extra money for things like fetishes, role playing, dirty talk, an hour of “chillin”,  or whatever else your market wants, you are missing out.  I am not suggesting that you should give extra mileage to customers.  I don’t think it’s necessarily the best idea to turn tricks within the club, in fact it can be a really terrible idea since strip clubs are hot spots for vice raids, and I am not saying you should turn tricks in general, but what I am saying is that there is more money in the club than just lap dance money, it’s up to you hustle it, and stop being negative towards others.  It’s not helping you or the club AT ALL.  If you are one of the girls who sit in the dressing room complaining that there is “no money because so-and-so is a ho,” you are losing money because you’re being lazy, you have a negative attitude, and you don’t have the right focus, not because so-and-so sells extras.  If the club you are in is an extras club and you don’t sell them, quit.  You will eventually get taken down in a raid for someone else’s indiscretion.  If you work at a club with a few extras girls, consider yourself a regular old stripper.  Every club has at least one, and if it doesn’t affect my money, it shouldn’t affect yours!

Stop the hate, show support, believe in UNITY.  We can help each other, and that is a beautiful gift.

xx

Chase

Getting Unstuck

Chase Kelly —  October 15, 2012 — 1 Comment

If you have become a stripper that really can’t handle life or responsibilities, it’s time to come clean with yourself.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you want to be a stripper to help you get through a tough financial time, or if you want to be a stripper to help you achieve your goals, pay for school, start a company, etc.  There is not even anything wrong with being a stripper simply because you like it!  Often times, though, all being a stripper does for girls is support their dysfunction.  If you are one of these girls, it’s best that you at least admit the problem.  It may seem weird, awful, uncomfortable, and a huge affront to your self-esteem to admit that you simply cannot function in modern society, but truly, the first step in fixing a problem is identifying it.  Admitting that you are stuck doesn’t mean that you are doomed for life, it means that you are self-aware, that you have the clarity to admit you need some guidance, and that you at least are aware that your lifestyle could use some tweaking.  Admitting a problem means that you are not insane.  Ignoring it means that you are.

Have you ever met someone who is bat shit crazy and everyone knows it but the actual crazy person (Hi, Mom!)?  That is the result of self-denial.  That is what happens when there is a problem with your personality and you choose to ignore it, say, “It’s fine!” or joke about your bad life decisions.  Like cancer, early detection is the best cure for a diseased lifestyle.  If you catch it, you can change it.  If it goes ignored for too long, though, it spreads like wildfire and mental illness comes in and grabs you.  Let’s not pretend that the strip club will be around forever—eventually we will be too old for this shit.  Let’s also not pretend that crazy people are a scarcity in the industry.  And while we are at it, let’s not be so pompous to think it couldn’t happen to us.  Lifestyle dancing is dangerous because it is unrealistic.  Unless you LOVE the industry and plan to be in the adult industry for the rest of your life (eventually you will have to quit stripping, at which point it will be the cams, porn sites, escorting, or Dommeing) you need to be able to function outside of it.  If the only people who “get you” work in the club, it’s time to reassess.

Some of the problems I see most often are ones that I have myself struggled with from time to time.  Some girls are lazy, can’t get out of bed in the daytime, others literally have no idea what to do with authority-they lack the social skills to follow direction.  Rage issues, no “filter,” inability to maintain a schedule, inability to connect with people, no desire to do anything that doesn’t result in monetary gain, addiction, codependency, and battered women’s syndrome are just SOME of the  many things that strippers have to overcome.  You add a career that encourages your behavior, and managers that turn a blind eye, are completely oblivious, or simply don’t care what happens to you, a peer group that has adopted the “sink or swim” approach to life, and a shit ton of untaxed income, sexual assault and complete disregard for your humanity, and you have a recipe for disaster.  It’s no wonder most all dancers suffer from PTSD at some point.  You are not alone, but you will be if you don’t do something to change the direction of your actions.

Women have SO much more responsibility than men do when it comes to being emotionally stable, if only for one reason.  Most of us are already or will be mothers one day.  We will literally take on the responsibility of another human life at some point, and like many bad moms, those who end up totally crazy won’t even realize it.

I am asking you to take a look at yourself and do something about it if you are one of these girls.  Thinking about it is great, spend some time on that, but start making a plan as soon as you’re ready.  During your thinking process, take notes.  Your journal is your best friend when making life changes.  If your’re writing it down, you are making a commitment.  Do that!  Commitment is good, failure to commit is a really common stripper problem, so now is a great time to work on that.  Start small, do the things you know you SHOULD be doing, but don’t.  Something as simple as keeping your bed made when you aren’t in it, keeping an empty sink, or cleaning up after your pets will bolster your “I can do it!” esteem pretty much right away.  Taking care of the basics is essential to being able to take care of the extras.  The things you need to do to get the ball rolling vary from girl to girl, you know what you need to work on.  Start small, don’t give yourself a panic attack, instead reward yourself for your achievements, and counter some of your bad habits with good ones.  If you suffer from anxiety, this is seriously one of the best things you can do to alleviate some of that.  When “I can’t do it,” is constantly playing in your head, OF COURSE you have anxiety.  As of right now, you are broken up with “I can’t.” Your new mantra is, “I’ve got this!”

And you do.  You’ve got this.  Now get off the internet and go clean your kitchen.

Lots of love,
Chase Kelly

 

*Featured Image by Klaus Kampert

Should you be a stripper?

Chase Kelly —  September 1, 2012 — 1 Comment

 

If you have never danced before, the questions you have are infinite, and so is the advice I have to give.  Deciding to become a stripper is a very big decision and one that will affect the rest of your life; ie: please don’t take this decision lightly!  I know what you really want me to address is what to wear, how to give lapdances, what to do on stage, how to talk to customers, other dancers, and club management, and I promise I will in future posts, but this being the first time I address new dancers, I really want to focus on the big picture.  It’s definitely the most important part.

You need to take an honest assessment of yourself if you are just starting out dancing.  Even if you’ve been working for a couple weeks, months, or years, this is a good thing to go back and do.  Given the fact that negativity is contagious, and you are a good person, it is the right thing to do to handle your business appropriately and not spread around the toxicity of your demise.  The maturity to determine if this is really what you need to be doing right now is the first thing to focus on.  You need to be honest with yourself, for your own well-being and the well-being of others.  I ask you to always bring that self awareness with you when you read my blogs.  I don’t like denial, it keeps us from achieving greatness!

The very most important thing you need to survive as a dancer and to generally be a happy person is integrity.  Do you feel like you really know who you are? When you say or think something, does it come from a place of sincerity?  Do you consider the facts and adhere to them without altering the “truth?” Do you feel like you have a solid, firm, stable, and mature character?  It’s totally ok if you aren’t there yet, but making it a goal is a necessity.  People who go their whole lives without ever committing to a life that they deem worthwhile usually live under a veil of darkness.  When you put a shaky character like that into a strip club, very bad things are imminent, and those things are the only things the public sees.  If you are going to dance, please do so as a liberated, free, and independent woman (or man, or trans person!)

The next thing I’d encourage you to have is a sense of clarity.  Do you have a pretty good grasp on reality?  It’s important that you are the kind of person who does a lot of analyzing and soul searching-someone who can see when things are taking a turn for the worse and come up with a creative solution to the problem.  If you are the kind of person who shuts down when she is afraid, or the kind of person who lies to herself and tries to keep up appearances when you’re falling apart inside, you should take some more time to think about dancing and work on that.  If you have a hard time with this, I suggest meditating.  Exercises on mindfulness can really help you evolve.

How do you really feel about yourself?  Do you feel beautiful?  Would your heart be broken if a customer told you that you were fat or a girl made fun of your c-section scar?  This might happen.  Even if you think you are perfect, people will find something to pick at.  If you are the kind of person who obsesses, please don’t dance.  If you have an eating disorder, this job also isn’t for you.  The strip club takes everything that is wrong with how society views women and amplifies it times a million, and as someone who is already suffering as a result of a sick culture, the last thing you need is more negative body image shit.  You need to feel really comfortable, and realize that when people say awful things about you, it has nothing to do with what’s wrong with you, and everything to do with what’s wrong with them.  Inner strength is really key.

If you are touchy when people say things you don’t like and often find yourself in confrontation with the people you are involved with, you will probably have quite a few problems at the club.  It really is best to be a level headed person.  You have way more strength if you solve problems with logic than if you solve them with anger or rage or violence.

The qualities above and a generally positive attitude are going to be the most valuable weapons you can wield against the taxing environment you’ll be working in, and actually will be pretty useful tools for surviving life in general.  Remember that just because you are reading this and will take these things into consideration, not every dancer (or person) does.  You will encounter a lot of difficult people in this industry and knowing how to handle them is important.  Do not measure yourself against other girls, and do not bend your morals for anyone, whether it’s in the name of agreement or disagreement.  You know it’s a bad idea to do cocaine, and you also know nobody listens when you are irrational, so keep your head on straight and be able to handle confrontation with grace.

Not having all of the qualities you need to be a dancer right now doesn’t mean that you can NEVER be a dancer (or that you’ll never be happy.)  You are an ever evolving being, and knowing what your weaknesses are gives you the ability to make a clear cut plan to improve.  Stripping is a fun and exciting job, and it will have lots to offer you for many years if you allow it to, but just like you wouldn’t want to see Paris for the first time with a significant other during a break up, you don’t want to see financial freedom for the first time while you’re in the middle of a break down.  If you are unprepared mentally, you will not only squander your entire income, but you will ruin the image of this awesome profession for yourself and never be able to return, not to mention add to the negative stigma we are trying so desperately to shake!

Thank you so much for visiting, and I hope this helps.  Keep coming back!

Chase