About 3 weeks ago I finished a book that had been on my list for awhile. Between having a childhood that lacked guidance, running this blog, and being an entertainer myself, I often turn to books to answer the difficult questions this industry has brought up. Over and over in books like The Power of Now, The Road Less Traveled, The Secret, The Art of Loving, The Dance of Anger, Rich Dad Poor Dad, The Power of Positive Thinking and a ton more finance and self help books proclaim the same thing. You cannot act in response to your emotions. You need make your emotions respond to you.
After weeks of contemplating, I have rewritten the concept (with the help of my trusty steed–a 5 year old Pomeranian), and I am now passing it on to you. This WILL help you make money, and it will help you to preserve your sanity. Guaranteed. I am going to break it down Dr. M Scott Peck’s way, but instead of using the awful analogy he used (if you read it you know what I’m referring to), I will call you the master, and I will call your emotions your pet.
A good dogs sits, stays, and comes when commanded. They don’t beg and they are ready to defend you from an intruder. A good dog knows it’s place and can help it’s master accomplish many things. The best dogs can sniff bombs and rescue babies from burning buildings and even serve as eyes for those who cannot see.
Bad dogs, though, they jump up on children and scratch them. They bark at every passerby, out of fear or aggression, or a simple compulsion to make their presence known. They sit next to your chair and whine while you are trying to enjoy a meal. They chew your Louboutins and piss on your new couch and they tear up your beautiful garden. The worst dogs attack people or other animals.
But when you think about the dog, are they really bad or good? Or is this just a matter of discipline? Seeing eye dogs and canine units go through extensive training to achieve all of the wonderful things they achieve. Is it ever the dog’s fault that it lacks a sense of purpose, that it must act out in order to get noticed? Of course not. It is up to the master to set boundaries, to choose battles, to show her pet when it does not need to fear.
Have we, as young women, not acted out when what we need is guidance, love, support and understanding? Can we not understand this behaviour? When we are longing for something, security, happiness, money, love…these are the times that our emotions get out of control, when they act for us. This longing is our enemy, it messes everything up. What we need is self discipline.
A dog’s place is at the end of it’s human’s leash. It’s sole desire in life is to bring you happiness, to serve and protect you, but in order to reap the benefits that this infinitely generous creature can offer you, you must speak to it with kindness and firmness, train it, show it it’s purpose in life. Your dog WANTS to make you happy, but it only has the tools that you give it.
So learn, like you train your trusty BFF, to train your emotions. When you feel your blood boiling, your temperature rising, your hands trembling with anger or disgust, sternly say to your anger, “Nooooo.” and pull on it’s leash. Give it a firm hand, show it that you are in control, and it can trust you. And in return, show trust in it. When your dog is sad or sick, treat it with understanding and tenderness. Reach down a hand and give it a comforting pet on the head. Say, “Good girl,” when it’s earned.
We have all heard the stories of the amazing animals that have saved their families from burning buildings or the peril of drowning. It’s true, like golden retrievers, your feelings can warn you and protect you from harm. It is up to you to spend enough time with your emotions to understand which bark is just chatter and which is an alarm. Like a well-loved pet, your must get to know your feelings…become comfortable enough with them that you actually hear what they’re saying, not just try and quiet the barks, ruffs, and whimpers.
So what does this have to do with stripping? Probably a lot. You need to harness excitement, happiness, and approachability to make money without degrading yourself. People DO like sad strippers sometimes, but those people are not people you need to come in contact with. Avoid them. Additionally, most girls in the industry often let their emotions get the best of them, which is why they are best suited for a job that takes them in all their erratic and irrational childish glory, and this inability to control one’s emotions is what keeps them stuck in the industry forever. Not that this job isn’t REAL, because it’s as real as it gets, but in the COMMON world, no one is going to tolerate your outbursts. You can’t say to a client at a law firm, “Don’t TALK like that, you are SO GROSS,” throw a drink at them, and walk away. In the strip club, though, your craziness is tolerated. It shouldn’t be tolerable to you, though! You can’t let yourself get that way, just because your job allows it….of any occupation, this one will stretch you to your max and having control of your emotions will determine if you sink or swim. It will be the deciding factor between those of you who start successful business and those who down into a hole of addiction and defeat. If you ever want out of this kind of work, if you don’t want to become this industry, you need to learn about your emotions, you need to learn to love them, to be kind to them, and to discipline them so that they can best protect you from this scary world. Hope is a girls best friend. Good luck and be safe out there this weekend.