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Soooo, what do you do?

Chase Kelly —  September 14, 2012 — 4 Comments

I spend a lot of time thinking about how to break the news to the civilian world that I am a stripper, and I even moreso, that I spend my days blogging about how to be a stripper!  I hate that it is commonplace to say “What do you do?” to someone right after you meet them, and I wish someone would send out a public notice to people that you just DO NOT ask that question of someone you think might be a gangster or stripper.  It’s just rude and we don’t want to answer you, guy!

Once upon a time I wore my badge with honor.  I was naked all over the internet and going by my actual name.  I spent most nights that I wasn’t working downtown getting hammered and convincing boys to fall in like with me.  It was a fun time, but hindsight being 20/20, I can see some error in my ways.  I got a reputation as a “party girl” and I realized not a single one of my friends was real.  Even my “real” friends started to view me more as a stripper or sex worker than a person, and eventually I started to define myself the same way.  I understand why I did what I did.  I am a headstrong person, I saw nothing wrong with the choices I made, and I wanted to broadcast to the world that there is a different way to live life.  I think dancing is great, but it’s something that not everyone can understand, and trying to force people to understand is just pointless.  I spent the four years that I lived like this single (and loving it) but had I wanted to settle down, I’m not sure anyone would’ve had me.  Even four years later, now that I spend more time reading and writing than anything else, when I drink Nature’s Way protein drinks instead of Patron chilled, people still see me as an aging party girl, and that’s because that’s what I showed them.  It’s honestly a fair assumption, although faulty, so these days i try and be more discreet.  If you are a loudmouth and love attention and can’t seem to satiate the thirst for it, this is probably you.  My advice?  Take a deep breath, you’re beautiful as you are, you don’t need all that “wrong kind” of attention.  Unless you are getting paid for it, all you’re doing is objectifying yourself everywhere you go and telling people it’s OK to treat you like a stripper.  Some people still get my full disclosure but only if my intuition says it’s the right thing to do.

Then there’s lying.  Lying to real people isn’t really in my constitution, I am terrified of getting caught, and I know that all of the info I have put out in the past about myself directly contradicts my lies, and if I form a lasting bond with the person, I will eventually have to come clean as both a stripper AND a liar.  Not happening.  A simple google search will tell people the DIRTY TRUTH about my SHAMEFUL LIFE.  Since I don’t really feel this way about my life, I would rather not give people the impression that I am a shameful, lying whore who is embarrassed of the choices she’s made.  Lying is bad.  Period.  Moving on.

Mystery, ah, you beautiful thing.  I love you.  I am still trying to work out the perfect answer, seeing that I look like a stripper, but you know, we can let people’s imaginations go where they’d like.  Here are some of my favorite mysterious answers to “What do you do for work?”

  • “I’ll tell you later.”
  • “Don’t we have anything more interesting to talk about?”
  • “I fucking hate work.”
  •  ”What’s (pause and give a puzzled look, like you’re searching for a word) work?”
  • “Ya know, just passin’ the time til the ol’ trust fund runs out.” (or any other highly sarcastic answer.  I love telling people I travel with the circus as a lion tamer.

BUT my absolute favorite thing to be able to say ever is, “I am the founder of a project that aims to help girls 18-30 make their dreams come true by offering them financial, emotional, and career support.”  I also get to say, “I am studying psychology.  I would like to practice sex-therapy and do trauma work, and probably write some non-fiction.” THIS is the number one reason you need to save your money.  Once you find your passion, it will be a blessing every time you get to tell someone about your plans.  Sooooo nice to not have to say, “I’m a stripper!” and instead be able to say, “I don’t believe in taking investors, I’d rather be my own :wink:” if I ever get found out.

Even if you don’t have your passion yet (you will, have faith!) it’s a good idea to keep a second job and go to school, not jut for your sanity, taxes, or future, but because it just gives you the perfect scapegoat to not be typecast forever.

Of course, if you are one of the girls who loves the attention and wants to do good, please contact me.  We can find a positive way for you to broadcast your lifestyle choices together and use your beautiful openness to inspire others to take their lives to the next level!

Happy Skrippin!

Chase Kelly

Survive The Club

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