They Hate Us, They Love Us, They Want to Call Us

Chase Kelly —  June 11, 2014 — 8 Comments

Hey y’all
Sorry for being MIA lately–I have been focusing so much on personal projects and dancing 5-6 nights a week, so I haven’t had much time to write about it, but some things keep coming up that I can’t help but address.  Recently I had a run in at my place of business.  A customer spent a ridiculous amount of money (5 digits) on me and another entertainer.  During that time, I had mistakenly given the customer my phone number; a thing we all do from time to time even if we preach against it and even if it’s against the rules.  In this case, I had used the customers phone to send myself a photo that he had taken while we were in our champagne room.  It’s a good photo, you can see why I’d want it.


At the end of the night (7 AM) the customer got angry because I asked him for a tip instead of asking for the name of his hotel.  Tens of thousands of dollars in, this guy wanted a cuddle partner or two in his bed.  Neither she nor I are offer extras, so that was out of the question.  The problem is, now this guy had my number and he was sort of unstable, and he wasn’t getting what he wanted.  The argument is that I shouldn’t have asked for a tip at the end from both his and my clubs point of view, and perhaps they’re right, but I think the bigger mistake was giving out my number.  Had I not done that, he would have still spent the money but he would not have had the opportunity to do what he did next.

The texts started about 15 minutes after I left club property.  Asking me to go on vacation.  Telling me he fell in love with me.  Asking when he can see me again.  Referring to himself aptly as “needy boy.”  Talking about how we “connected” and al of a sudden I realize that my home address and last name are attached to that cell phone. I never answered or responded to his texts; quite frankly I wasn’t feeling so safe anymore.   Then the call from my club came: the customer is disputing the charges and I might be losing my job because of the exaggerated (read: bullshit) story he painted to the management when he realized I wasn’t going to be his girlfriend for the evening or in the future and wouldn’t respond to his messages.


I got to the internet and started asking my twitter followers if they had had any similar experiences.  Immediately I had responses like this:


It should have been common sense to me, but I was still living in 2010.  Immediately, though, a lightbulb went off in my mind.  It isn’t the same as it was a few years ago; personal information is accessible to common people through the internet if they know where to look and are willing to pay a few bucks for it.  The mental health crisis is in full, glaring effect, and where do crazy people go to be “understood?”  To sex workers.  That’s me.

In the texts that followed, psycho custie made sure to let me know that he had “fallen in love with me that night” and that I was so good at my job, “maybe too good,” and it gave him feelings he didn’t know how to deal with.  I am still in the middle of the fiasco, but in the end the moral I think will be the same, whether I have to find a new club because of this nutcase or not, it will be the last time I give out my number for real.  In the wake of the Elliot Rodger tragedy and all of the other terrible crimes against women, it’s important that I take care of myself first.  The mental health thing is the major argument in this case to the civilian world, but what does it mean to women?  Does it matter if a perpetrator is “sick” on paper to the person who he murders?  Young men posting on the forums that Rodger posted on talk about their experiences with sex workers; we are sometimes the only women mentally ill people get to feign intimacy with, meaning that we are directly in their field of vision.  We want to believe that our customers are normal, and most of them are, but some are crazy and we have to account for that.  We also have to account for the fact that the craziest ones can often manipulate us into trusting them.  You might be quick, but sociopaths are quicker.

The money and the job are cool, but my safety is priceless.  I urge dancers who plan to give out their numbers to get google voice or a burner phone that cannot be traced to your home address.  The days of having fetish customers over to clean my living room are far gone.  We live in a more terrifying and woman hating world than ever, I’ve even taken back a “fake real name” that I’ll be using again.  I’m glad my wake up call didn’t leave me dead or hurt.  It’s still unfolding but I will probably change my number shortly.  Please cover your tooshies as much as you bare them!  Safety always first.


Chase Kelly


Founder of I have been dancing for 9 years and have been working in clubs and the adult industry in general for 14. Survive the Club is my passion project and I have faith in our community. Looking to increase the odds of EVERY sex workers' personal and financial success.

8 responses to They Hate Us, They Love Us, They Want to Call Us


    I enjoy reading your blog! I come across the same or similar things and events that have happened to me being a stripper/dancer. Don’t stop writing. I’d live to read more =]


    Hi, Sorry about that chap incident. Some men really know no bounds. Regardless women are such precious beings and should not be treated in such a manner.

    To go to the extent and jeopardise your job is just simply ridiculous. I don’t know how is that attractive or “loving” in any way.

    Do take care.



    You can get free text numbers on google voice and other apps its free and you choose a local number and can turn it off and on. Its safe and still lets people think they have your phone number


    It’s strange being on he other side of this. I just wanted to say a couple things, really. I would probably be pretty upset too if you had asked for a tip after spending over 10,000.

    From the other side, as a well adjusted person who visits strip coins and does his best to not make women feel like crap, I can tell you that many of even the “nicest” dancers I’ve known are on his level as far as deception and sociopathy goes. It’s probably more true than I even care to think about and literally every one of them will tell me anything to get a few bucks out of me.

    Amusingly, honesty goes a lot longer way and a couple girls that wanted to quit and start a new life… I’ve helped them do just that. Just had them what I normally would spend on dances and ask for nothing in return. They’ve both successfully managed to get away from it and have since blocked me from contacting them. Just asking me to leave them be would have been easier and more effective.

    I can certainly understand people not believing the first word of this and I don’t really expect people to. But I’ve been treated like garbage by my friends, family and even those I put myself in financial jeopardy to help through tough spots. I guess this is mostly me getting things off my chest and doing a miniature blog for myself. Just, this post really struck a cord with me on the first day of finding out the reason one of the girls I’ve helped is no longer talking to me because she just got married.

    Everyone’s a liar, everyone has their version of the story. If you don’t watch out for yourself, no one will. And if you treat people like something less than a person, you are part of the problem. Whether you treat them like a play thing to keep the loneliness away or you treat them like a big old bag of money, it doesn’t matter. You’re wrong for it.

    And, of note – I’ve never slept with any stripper for any amount of money and would never ask.


      Hi Chris, all of us want to quit eventually. When you go to a strip club, even if you spend minimal money, you are always contributing to that plan. We call this person a “customer.” If you spend lots of money and do it frequently, you are a “regular customer.” What you get in return is the face time you spend with the entertainer, and sometimes we let you wear the hero cape, however no one owes you any long term commitment. Being a good customer is HIGHLY appreciated, but people WILL move on with their lives. No one is using you any more than you are using them. This is adult consensual activity, and part of that consent is you pay us for our time, but not for our futures. If you choose to invest in a dancer’s future, that’s very sweet of you, but you need to realize that as a customer, you are part of their “stripper life.” That means when they leave it behind, you get left behind, too. No one in a strip club signs any contracts to one another (except management and entertainers.) You are free to stop seeing any entertainer at your discretion and she is free to do the same. It won’t do any good to make character judgements on people who were only doing what you hired them to do. I’m sure at the time, it gave you a great sense of purpose to be the hero, and that is really what you were paying for.


      I also want to comment that they will “say literally anything” to get money out of you because this is an acting job, not reality. We are paid to indulge your fantasy whatever that may be. That is not manipulative, it is exactly what you are signing up for. A real girlfriend? Not cool. Your stripper girlfriend? You asked for it. Literally.

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