Archives For survival

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Sex workers and strippers face so many of the same issues when it comes to relationships.  Can a stripper have a boyfriend and not be miserable?  Yes.  Are those relationships few and far between?  Absolutely.  Even as dancing becomes more accepted, the stigma remains the same for the majority of men.

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If you’re under 24, you’re labeled as a person with no self esteem and daddy issues.  If you are over 25 or have children, you are a “single mom with no other choice.” We know men are going to judge us and when they are angry, we know the easiest target is our jobs.  That’s something that’s hurt me, but it’s something I can live with.  It really helps me detach from someone actually–when they are so low to call me names because of my job.  Goodbye, sir.  You are done.

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What I can’t live with is the manipulation.  What many dancers don’t realize when getting into relationships is that there is a large number of men looking for “sugar mamas” or even subsidiaries (there are stripper pimps, you know about them if you live in the South or North East) and sex workers are known for having expendable income and a lack of love in their lives.  There are wolves looking for lambs who need to be loved, and which one of us can definitively say that we don’t need it?  It’s really hard for a boyfriend to be comfortable with a job like ours, so if early on your guy seems way too comfortable or encouraging, don’t be ashamed of doing a little homework.


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A parasitic boyfriend won’t complain about your job ever, because he plans on paying his bills with your ass.  Please watch your money.  Please don’t give it to anyone, please only invest in yourself.  Please never trust someone who expects you to purchase their affection (unless, of course, you have hired them to do that, like so many men have hired us to do.)  Please know your worth (priceless) and require that your needs are met (or walk!)

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I feel like this statement needs to be shouted from the rooftops of every building in every city in every country, and in every language, but especially it needs to be said to strippers and sex workers.  You are not a whore no matter what anyone says about it.  Your job DOES NOT determine your character, and it does not eclipse your values.  Many of you have had arguments with close friends and significant others in which the person/people you love most will tell you that you’re worthless.  “You’re a whore and no one will ever want you.”  is something I wish I could say I’ve only heard once, and only heard from one person I loved.  Talk about something that could cause a person to start to die inside.  But no matter what they say, don’t self stigmatize, do not believe it.  I wish one blog post could undo that feeling for those of you who have had it (and will in the future).  I wish it could undo it for me.

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This is the second best thing.  I can teach you what I’ve learned and I can show you how I’ve grown.  When people cut you down, when society does it to you over and over, when dead hooker jokes are on primetime television as though that girl is not a person, it’s easy to start considering it, even in the back of your mind.  When people say things like that it is because they feel weak and they need to kick you down.  Then they use your broken spirit as a step ladder to their own validation.  Do not give anyone that power.  Refuse to lower yourself to the “you” they want you to be.  Elevate.

The truth is that who you are is based on your character, which can suffer from being in this industry, but it’s mostly because of the associated lifestyle, not from the job itself.  I can sit here for hours and go on and on about how it’s the oldest job and that there’s nothing wrong with using your body for money, but you already know that.  If people you love are cutting you down, you don’t have stripper problems.  You have boyfriend problems, girlfriend problems, family problems, and maybe even identity problems, but being a stripper, escort, sugar baby, cam girl, dominatrix, or any other type of industry performer is not the problem, and it’s definitely not who you are.

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Your job doesn’t need to demean you, and if you feel like stripping makes you less of a person–you should quit.  Now.  Even if you don’t know what you’re going to do or how you’re going to do it; trust me-you’ll figure it out.  Work one more shift, make it a money night, and call it a day because really, you deserve so much more.  Maybe you can be a waitress or maybe a customer you know can help you find a 9-5, maybe you can live off of your savings until you figure something out (because you saved, right?)
If you are a stripper and you’re having a hard time with your identity, you can figure it out.  You can determine what is going to define you.  Instead of going shopping for your 100th pair of cheeky panties, you can make a plan to implement some community service or charity into your life.  Instead of sleeping in bed all day and ordering delivery every night for dinner, learn to cook, or at least get great at dining out.  Developing your other “non-stripping” skills and values is going to be essential to feeling like you are a real human being with a real purpose in life.

Untitled 6At some point I stopped being a stripper and became an entertainer (when I learned to dress myself and perform on stage and give a great lap dance).  Next, I graduated from being an entertainer and became a hustler (when I learned about sales, especially in the commodity industries), and now I have a day job in a luxury industry, because instead of seeing me as a useless stripper, smart people saw that I was a well developed individual with integrity, honesty, work ethic, intelligence, knowledge, and hustle.

If you let it, money will replace passion and drive in your life, so don’t coast.  Spend your time defining yourself, and it will be much easier to identify the TRUE problems in your life (like the people who drag you down and diminish your self worth) and get rid of them, or better yet use them as a ladder and climb.

happy hustling, you beautiful humans

chasekellysignature

Taming your emotions

Chase Kelly —  January 20, 2013 — 5 Comments

About 3 weeks ago I finished a book that had been on my list for awhile.  Between having a childhood that lacked guidance, running this blog, and being an entertainer myself, I often turn to books to answer the difficult questions this industry has brought up.  Over and over in books like The Power of Now, The Road Less Traveled, The Secret, The Art of Loving, The Dance of Anger, Rich Dad Poor Dad, The Power of Positive Thinking and a ton more finance and self help books proclaim the same thing.  You cannot act in response to your emotions.  You need make your emotions respond to you.

After weeks of contemplating, I have rewritten the concept (with the help of my trusty steed–a 5 year old Pomeranian), and I am now passing it on to you.  This WILL help you make money, and it will help you to preserve your sanity.  Guaranteed.  I am going to break it down Dr. M Scott Peck’s way, but instead of using the awful analogy he used (if you read it you know what I’m referring to), I will call you the master, and I will call your emotions your pet.

A good dogs sits, stays, and comes when commanded.  They don’t beg and they are ready to defend you from an intruder.  A good dog knows it’s place and can help it’s master accomplish many things.  The best dogs can sniff bombs and rescue babies from burning buildings and even serve as eyes for those who cannot see.

Bad dogs, though, they jump up on children and scratch them.  They bark at every passerby, out of fear or aggression, or a simple compulsion to make their presence known.  They sit next to your chair and whine while you are trying to enjoy a meal.  They chew your Louboutins and piss on your new couch and they tear up your beautiful garden.  The worst dogs attack people or other animals.

But when you think about the dog, are they really bad or good? Or is this just a matter of discipline? Seeing eye dogs and canine units go through extensive training to achieve all of the wonderful things they achieve.  Is it ever the dog’s fault that it lacks a sense of purpose, that it must act out in order to get noticed?  Of course not.  It is up to the master to set boundaries, to choose battles, to show her pet when it does not need to fear.

Have we, as young women, not acted out when what we need is guidance, love, support and understanding?  Can we not understand this behaviour?  When we are longing for something, security, happiness, money, love…these are the times that our emotions get out of control, when they act for us.  This longing is our enemy, it messes everything up.  What we need is self discipline.

A dog’s place is at the end of it’s human’s leash.  It’s sole desire in life is to bring you happiness, to serve and protect you, but in order to reap the benefits that this infinitely generous creature can offer you, you must speak to it with kindness and firmness, train it, show it it’s purpose in life.  Your dog WANTS to make you happy, but it only has the tools that you give it.

So learn, like you train your trusty BFF, to train your emotions.  When you feel your blood boiling, your temperature rising, your hands trembling with anger or disgust, sternly say to your anger, “Nooooo.” and pull on it’s leash.  Give it a firm hand, show it that you are in control, and it can trust you.  And in return, show trust in it.  When your dog is sad or sick, treat it with understanding and tenderness.  Reach down a hand and give it a comforting pet on the head.  Say, “Good girl,” when it’s earned.

We have all heard the stories of the amazing animals that have saved their families from burning buildings or the peril of drowning.  It’s true, like golden retrievers, your feelings can warn you and protect you from harm.  It is up to you to spend enough time with your emotions to understand which bark is just chatter and which is an alarm.  Like a well-loved pet, your must get to know your feelings…become comfortable enough with them that you actually hear what they’re saying, not just try and quiet the barks, ruffs, and whimpers.

So what does this have to do with stripping?  Probably a lot.  You need to harness excitement, happiness, and approachability to make money without degrading yourself.  People DO like sad strippers sometimes, but those people are not people you need to come in contact with.  Avoid them.  Additionally, most girls in the industry often let their emotions get the best of them, which is why they are best suited for a job that takes them in all their erratic and irrational childish glory, and this inability to control one’s emotions is what keeps them stuck in the industry forever.  Not that this job isn’t REAL, because it’s as real as it gets, but in the COMMON world, no one is going to tolerate your outbursts.  You can’t say to a client at a law firm, “Don’t TALK like that, you are SO GROSS,” throw a drink at them, and walk away.  In the strip club, though, your craziness is tolerated.  It shouldn’t be tolerable to you, though!  You can’t let yourself get that way, just because your job allows it….of any occupation, this one will stretch you to your max and having control of your emotions will determine if you sink or swim.  It will be the deciding factor between those of you who start successful business and those who down into a hole of addiction and defeat.  If you ever want out of this kind of work, if you don’t want to become this industry, you need to learn about your emotions, you need to learn to love them, to be kind to them, and to discipline them so that they can best protect you from this scary world.  Hope is a girls best friend.  Good luck and be safe out there this weekend.

Chase K.

http://www.survivetheclub.com

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Over Exposure

Chase Kelly —  October 24, 2012 — 8 Comments

If I had all the answers, I would give them to you, but this site is about more than just how to be a stripper.  The reason I started SurvivetheClub was not to teach you how to make money, although I am happy to do that.  What I really wanted to tell you about is how to stay sane in such an insane world.  The long and short of it is, you kind of can’t–the more of an explorer you are, the more attraction you have to the bizarre, the longer you stay in the industry, and the more money hungry you are, the higher your exposure is going to be to really unsavory things.

The sex world and kink world are strange.  Some of you love it and live for it, but as far as strippers go, I’ve met more that are baffled as to why someone would want to buy their socks than those who understand it and know exactly how to work a fetish customer.  In time, most of us figure it out whether we want to “get it” or not.

Consider this post a warning.  You don’t need to “get it” if you don’t want to, but that needs to be a boundary that you set on your own.  Is sex dirty?  Not really, but sometimes people’s kinks can be scary, disgusting, demeaning to women, violent, or just plain weird.  Sometimes they are just too grown up for you.  I think the girls who get this the worst are the very young ones, and they are the girls who should avoid it the most.  You should still have access to “normal sex fantasy” in your brain, and too much bizarre will wipe that out.  Additionally, some of us are victims of sexual abuse, some of us aren’t.  You need to respect your past and realize that some stuff CAN get in your head and mess with you.  Consider where you are in your head before you decide to take on “weird” customers.

The strip club is just one of the places that people come to live out their fantasies.  Some people would argue that the hard core kinksters know where to go to explore their fantasies and it’s not a strip club, and they’d be right, but let’s talk about how dangerous a fetishist can be WITHOUT training, or the specific creeps who only like girls who don’t know what’s going on.  They target strip clubs, and they go for the youngest and most scared looking girl they can find, and they expose her to their weird kinks because they are into how “green” she is.  When I was 18, this was the majority of my customer base and I had NO CLUE what I was doing/how much I should be charging to dump food down my customer’s pants or burn his tongue with my cigarette.  I also had no idea what an impact all of this stuff would have on my personal life down the road.

I had so much experience with fetish was when I was young, and some of it was awful and terrifying.  I was stalked, tricked, lured into places I shouldn’t have gone, attacked, manipulated, and slightly damaged.  Later, I set out to understand this lifestyle and take my power back.  I started taking private BDSM clients as a way to assert myself and make extra cash, and I wish I hadn’t ever felt that I needed to.  Hindsight being 20/20, fetish is really meant for the people who choose it, it isn’t meant to be chosen for you.  Customers don’t care about your psyche–they will expose you to whatever weird shit lives in their brains.  Some of them are crazy and don’t care about your physical well being either.  Some of them are loose cannons, and honestly if you don’t know how to deal with them, they can get in your brain and mess with you, or they can physically harm you.  If you don’t know how to handle these customers and want to learn, I will help you, but if you DON’T want to learn, and don’t want to think about this stuff, that is your right and you should keep your head clear of all of it by avoiding it.

I feel like most fresh strippers never consider what their exposure will be like, they think it’s just normal guys who are bored of their wives, but please be aware that there is A LOT of other stuff happening in the sex industry, things that you will eventually be exposed to.  Some of you will welcome that, and that is, of course your prerogative.  Those of you who value your innocence, who don’t want to become jaded, who don’t want to “know to much” or be spoiled with too much candy, those of you who want to live a “normal” life outside of the sex industry in the future, those of you with small children or plans to have them, may want to rethink your role in this industry or what you allow yourself to be exposed to.  You are an independent contractor.  Don’t EVER think you need to spend time with a guy just to get his money.  If he freaks you out, walk away, there is more money.  I don’t care how bad you need that $200–don’t infect your subconscious with things you cannot handle!  Sometimes it’s best to leave the freaks to the pros, and realize that there is NO SHAME in not being a pro in this industry (there is no shame in being one, either!)

To leather!

Chase Kelly

 

RELATED POST: Stripping is not child’s play: controlling your conditioning

How to be a stripper is not all you need to know when it comes to the industry.  If you have been dancing for 5 years or 5 days, you need to write your exit plan, starting today.  It is automatic to become accustomed to stripper money and require it to survive.  Even if you are one of the low earners at your club, chances are you have the ability to make more now than you would if left to rely on your other resources.  Isn’t that why you chose dancing, come to think of it?

Your exit plan is simple, it consists of 4 things:
-How much money does it cost me to live?
-If I weren’t dancing, what would I like to be doing to earn money?
-What does it take in order to actually “do” step 2?
-How much does it cost to “do” step 2?
Answering these questions is the first step to actually making your dreams come true.  No matter how much you are enjoying dancing today, we need to loudly state that this is not your life goal.  For years I wanted to be a stripper when I grew up.  Now that I am a grown up stripper, I realize that the future of this industry just isn’t for me.  Dancer into my 30’s?  Sounds palatable enough, but dancer into my 40’s just in’t* gonna work.
The reality is that this job is stressful and dangerous.  While I hope nothing bad ever happens in your dancing career, or in your life for that matter, it’s important to be realistic.  Bad things happen to everyone, and this job can create you a safety net to help get you through the really awful things, some of which are brought on because of the job itself.
The day my dad died, I swear I wish I could have traded in my gucci shoes for a flight to Phoenix to be with my mom, but Southwest doesn’t accept scuffed flats for flights.  I had no money and no plan to deal with the hardship I was going through.  I had to dance that entire month to pay my bills.  The same thing happened when I got mugged on my way home from work, and when I went through my big breakup, and after I went past my limits with a customer and had a breakdown.  I can’t tell you what it’s like to have to give even one  lap dance when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.  Having to do it night after night so you don’t end up homeless is unbearable.  UNFUCKINGBEARABLE.
PLEASE, don’t do this to yourself.  If nothing else, prepare for 3 months of living expenses.  3 months is the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM amount of time you’d need away from dancing if god forbid something awful happened to you.  Going back to work when you aren’t ready can cause extreme mental damage, even if you aren’t aware of it at the time.  Hindsight is 20/20 and I am here to tell you that you will need to undo that damage if you insist on inflicting it upon yourself.  Sometimes, it can never be undone.  If you want to really do something amazing for yourself, please email me.  I will walk you through the foundation of the program I am writing for you guys.  It’s not finished yet, but I can help you get on the path now if you can’t wait another second.
Lack of planning led me down a very dark tunnel that landed me in a very dark pit of despair.  Even if you think dancing doesn’t affect you on an emotional level, all it takes is one small shift to change that forever.  The entire reason I write this blog is because I want to help you avoid the pain I put myself through.  Girls like us, we just didn’t have anyone to show us how to do it right.  Instead of beating yourself up, instead of feeling hopeless or stuck, take just one simple step to give you some strength.  Get yourself a savings going and use it to fuel your way out of this place, once you’ve milked it for everything it has to offer you.
*I just created an even lazier way to say “ain’t,” which is either indicative of me being an extreme over achiever, or on the flip side, an extreme under achiever.  Food for thought.

 

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Keeping ourselves safe

Chase Kelly —  September 5, 2012 — 6 Comments

TRIGGER WARNING-this post talks about rape and sexual assault.

As if sexual assault wasn’t an issue for all women everywhere, dancers face a whole different set of concerns than the average woman.  Being objectified makes most girls feel uncomfortable, and although at some point every girl is hollered at by some toothless wonder on the street, only the Megan Fox’s and Kim K’s of the world are objectified to the level that we are.  Women in the adult industry choose this line of work knowing that we will be sexualized, coveted, and sometimes treated poorly.  We know the perks, so we tolerate the drawbacks without much complaint.   Some crazy assholes think that because we have given them the go ahead to look at us like Barbie dolls that we have extended an invitation to do what they want with us.  As absolutely insane and wrong as it is, it just keeps happening.  Some men realize that what we do is a job and that we are real people outside of work, but some just don’t.  Some think that we are just crazy, drunk sluts and no one would miss us if we were gone.  The stigma in the sex industry has always been the same:  “These girls are objects, they are not human.  It is ok to rape them, and it is ok to kill them, and it is not worth government money to do thorough investigations of either.”  We have always been the victims of heinous crimes.  Just off the top of my head, there’s Jack the Ripper, the Craigslist killer, the Long Island killer, and whoever keeps snatching those girls in New Orleans.  No one does anything to stop it, unfortunately.  The education is nearly nonexistent, and the “She’s asking for it,” sentiment is not limited to any certain demographic.  It’s everywhere.

We (kind of) know where the blame lies, and we know it isn’t with us.  We live in a sick society, too many people, too much greed, the media, bad parenting, etc.  But blame does no more good in this situation than it does in any other.  Blame doesn’t empower us, it enslaves us, and while I support demonstration and activism to educate the public, it doesn’t do much to protect us today.  The SlutWalk in Vancouver might be a really fun event (I bet it’s awesome actually), but if you are going to get sexually assaulted tonight in Kansas City, it really doesn’t do much, does it?

I’ve heard the story a thousand times, of the girl who was followed, stalked, raped, or assaulted by a customer.  If you haven’t been through it, do everything you can to avoid it.  It messes with you more than you think it will and it isn’t worth it.  Lots of girls are headstrong on the safety issue, and it’s so unnerving.  You are a target, empower yourself by being protected, not by living in denial!

It’s sad that society teaches, “Don’t get raped,” instead of, “don’t rape.”  It really does point the finger at the victim, but before you become the victim (again or for the first time), let the light come on.  Realize that it IS up to you to keep yourself safe, especially when you are knowingly putting yourself in a questionable position!  We need to respect that one of the draw backs of this job is that it’s dangerous.  We need to be somewhat cautious.  My inner feminist hates me for saying all this, but she also respects my inner smart, savvy woman who does what she needs to in order to protect herself.

So let’s make a pact to focus our efforts on ourselves as individuals.  Let’s promise to watch our own backs, instead of hoping the guy we’re hanging out with doesn’t have that mentality because he “shouldn’t.”  Lots of people are wolves in sheep’s clothing, so do what you need to in order to protect yourselves.  Being more responsible individuals will strengthen us as a community, and that’s what we really need!  Can we decrease the rate of sexual violence against women in the sex industry?  Yes, absolutely.  Before you even think it, NO, we shouldn’t have to.  But we do have to.  No one is going to do it for us.  Men should be able to control themselves, but it’s becoming apparent that they can’t, so something has to be done.  Please feel free to comment with any other ideas.  These are just a few from my brain:

-We should dress modestly on our way to and from work whenever possible.  Leaving work in a short dress and heels with your stripper makeup still on and your shoe hanging half way out of your bag says, “I have cash on me, I am tipsy, and I am loose,” during the most dangerous hour of the night.  We will avoid giving people this impression by wearing something modest.  If I am not getting paid for it, the attention is unwanted anyway.

-We will not see a customer outside of the club without doing a proper screening.  Always take a picture of his ID on your phone and send it to a trusted friend who knows EXACTLY where you are and what time to expect you back.

-It’s a bad idea to promise things we have no intention of delivering.  It is an easy $500 to say we will meet someone later and then never show, but drugs+alcohol+sexual frustration+thievery=disaster.  Not only is it morally wrong, but it’s just putting yourself in a compromising position.

-We won’t leave the club alone if we are fucked up.  Drunk girls are easy targets.

-We will stick to the buddy system whenever possible.-We won’t go somewhere with a guy so he can “get us” something.  I don’t care if he has all the cocaine in the world and you REALLY want it.  These guys use drugs and money to coerce you.  Don’t fall for it!  These aren’t your friends!

-We will never let someone define our boundaries for us.  We know what we are OK with, and we can and will firmly say stop if someone tries to cross them.  We are not afraid, and we need our self respect more than we need money from those assholes.  We all know that there are GREAT customers out there who want to pay us and treat us right, but we don’t find them if we waste our time with the ones who push.

Will this stop rape from happening?  Probably not, but it might stop yours.  A larger impact isn’t impossible, either.  Stranger things have happened.  When everyone takes responsibility for themselves, the whole improves.  Again, should we have to come up with a solution to this problem?  No.  We didn’t cause it, we are just effected by it, but as the ones over whom the issue has the most chilling impact, we NEED to do something.  We can’t just throw a fit in our pink panties that people don’t see us as more than we show them.  We have to show them more strength and less vulnerability.

Control your Credit

Chase Kelly —  September 1, 2012 — 1 Comment

Hey ladyfriends-

I have been talking to some girls and as it turns out, most of us have no clue how to manage our FICO scores and have pretty much just given up on credit cards since we typically just max them out and then pay the bills when we feel like it, if ever.  I really want you to feel in control of your finances and your future, and I think having one credit card with a decent spending limit for “just in case” scenarios is important.  Girls turn ankles and can’t work.  We go through break ups and can’t bring ourselves to dance for a few weeks, we have deaths in the family, car accidents, kids with broken arms, etc. We also need to rent or purchase homes, we will need to get jobs or start businesses of our own later.  Many of these things wil require credit checks, and those of you who have proven irresponsible in this area will be shit out of luck, so I am going to give you a basic plan to get your credit cards under control:

1. Pull your FICO scores.  Your FICO score is basically your Bill Paying Grade, and it ranges from 300-850.  There are 3 different bureaus that are keeping track of your spending record, so you should probably get on top of it, too.  You can pull this from MyFico.com.  Beware of sites that offer free credit checks, they will often bill you for other services that you don’t request, and you cannot stop the payments without canceling your card all together, so try and avoid those.

2. Scour what you see.  Make sure everything on there is real, and you actually charged those items.  Start calling any companies that have closed your account or have gone to collections and ask for a settlement.  Pay off all of these and keep the accounts closed.

3. Get down to only one credit card with the lowest interest rate possible.  Close all store cards (these are a trap) and never open another one.  I don’t care if they give 90% off at the register, these cards are a scam!  Work out a payment plan for anything else that comes up.  Your goal is to get your debt down to zero.

4. Understand how interest works, don’t pay the minimum!  So basically here’s what happens.  You have a 10% interest rate and you charge $300.  When you get your bill you pay on time, but you only pay the minimum payment of $25.  You now have a balance of $275 on your credit card, all of which is charged a 10% interest immediately.  You just got charged $27.50 for nothing.  Credit card companies are banking on the fact that you cannot make your payments and therefor need to pay only the minimum, this is where they make their money, so don’t charge what you can’t pay off in full.  Pay in full as soon as you get your statement!  Late fees are also subject to being charged interest, and your rates will likely drop if you pay on time for 6 months.

5. Your FICO score is determined by the ratio between these 2 things: your credit limit vs. your current debt.  If you have a $500 limit on a crappy card, and you owe $400 on it, your credit is going to suck.  Keep your balances low and your payments regular!

These are just some basics, we could of course go way deeper, which I advise you to do!  Any questions, feel free to post them, I’ll try and address whatever I can!

Controlling the Vibe

Chase Kelly —  September 1, 2012 — Leave a comment

Most things about the typical stripper experience can be relatively taxing on your mental state.  At one time, the thing that I felt the most affected by was the customers and being on the floor, but at some clubs I’ve danced at, including the one I am currently contracting, it’s actually the dressing room that makes me feel the worst about being there.  I am not sure if it’s the degree to which my fellow entertainers are damaged, or if it’s because i falsely expect the dressing room to be a safe haven from the chaos that makes it so unnerving, but it is, none-the-less.  The “misery loves company” epidemic that has been spread through our clubs is contributing to their general decline.

There are so many things that we cannot control inside the clun, but the vibe of OUR dressing room is OURS to take.  We can make this a more pleasurable experience for ourselves, our coworkers, and our customers simply by committing to be healthier people while in the club.  Some things you can commit to that will increase your happiness and thereby increase your profit are:

-Do not discuss deep, personal issues at the club.  If you make friends with someone there, respect her night enough to make lunch plans to talk about what’s going on in your life.

-Bring headphones and use them.  Resist the urge to get involved in other people’s drama, instead get your mind into something positive (when things are especially hectic, I often listen to Tony Robbins or TED talks.)

-Be nice.  Smile at people.  Don’t start fights.  Be gentle with new girls.  They are scared, and good people don’t scorn people who are already terrified.  Remember your own first night and have empathy.

-If you choose to use drugs (not recommended) do so privately, and do not involve people who you are not already friendly with.  There is no reason to start someone else on that path, even if you’ve chosen it for yourself.

-Be considerate of the fact that there are recovering addicts in your midst.

-Report or ignore prostitution at your club.  If you are not willing to report it to management, you cannot take it on yourself to fight.  It’s not worth the war you start, and it affects all of us.  If your management ignores it, find a new club, or a new job.

-Don’t get wasted and act a fool in the dressing room.

-If you need to relax, the dressing room is the place to do it, but if you need to yell, scream, blow steam, etc. get dressed and go to your car or leave for the evening.  Do not bring your negativity on to other dancers any more than you do your customers (which I hope you don’t!)

-Don’t make fun of other girls.  Not only does it make you look mean and ugly, but if you’re so much better than all the girls at your club, you might as well upgrade, you’ll make more at a nicer place anyway.